A man from Indiana penned his own darkly comedic obituary before dying in a plane crash last month. He was an aviation enthusiast and even built his own aircraft.
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Most people don’t get to write their own obituaries, but Gary Wolfelt used the rare opportunity to crack a few jokes and lighten the mood. According to Fox 59, Wolfelt died in a small plane crash on Monday, May 5. Police reportedly said that he was the only person in the single-engine Express 2000 FT, and the aircraft crashed in the woods near State Road 89, Ashland County.
In his humorous obituary, Wolfelt exclaims, “I am completely dead now. I am surprised that it took this long to happen. He then reels off a list of events that almost killed him throughout his life. The first event happened in school. “I was the second baseman on the most losing team in Little League Baseball history (0 for 20), I lost sight of a fly ball in the sun, and got beaned right on the forehead,” Wolfelt writes.
He explains several other events, including a near miss in his forties, where a chimney almost collapsed on him in a dilapidated building. “By now, I am beginning to think that there must not be any more room in heaven or hell for me, and so I was just stuck in purgatory for a while longer,” Wolfelt joked.
After describing many events throughout his life, Wolfelt writes, “I cannot tell you here what sort of event actually killed me, as I wrote this obituary before I was completely dead. Someone else will have to fill in the details later on, I guess.”
Wolfelt Asked For There To Be No Funeral In His Obituary
Toward the end of his obituary, Wolfelt declines a funeral, suggesting friends and family spend the money elsewhere.
“In accordance with my wishes, there will be no funeral. I don’t want people coming by to look at me all dressed up and stretched out in an expensive box, looking as bad as I will probably look in a completely dead condition. In lieu of flowers, please keep the money and take yourself out for a nice dinner or do something nice for someone else.”
And on a more serious note, he says, “I would like to thank those of you who loved me while I was here on Earth. It really meant a lot to me. And I appreciate your letting me love you right back.” Gary’s wife, Esther Chosnek, added to the obituary, explaining that her husband was passionate about aviation, leading him to build and fly his helicopter. He then built his Express Aircraft, which was a 17-year project.