The CDC website states, “Smoking during pregnancy increases the risk of health problems for developing babies.” The health problems can be numerous. They include preterm birth, low birth weight, and certain birth defects. It can also increase the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) after birth. Not to mention the health problems that can occur in the mother.
So, when a man found his 5-month pregnant fiancée smoking he was rightfully concerned. Okay, he was furious, and he told her so. But, afterward, he consulted Reddit to find out if he was right to be upset or if he was in the wrong for “getting frustrated” about the situation.
The man stated that he and his fiancée were watching a movie when he got up to go to the bathroom. When he returned his fiancée wasn’t on the couch anymore, so he went looking for her. He found her outside on the porch, smoking a cigarette.
She’s five months pregnant (around halfway through her pregnancy) and the couple had previously been trying to become pregnant for about a year. According to the man, the couple was “overjoyed” when they found out she was pregnant. He said he’s “so excited to be a father.”
After he found her smoking he said that he was shocked and didn’t even know that she smoked. He stated that he may have been a little “harsh” in his reaction. His fiancée “screamed” that it was just a “singular” cigarette. But, then disclosed to him that she’s also been having a few shots a week with her friends. She stated that her doctors “haven’t said a word.”
After their discussion, the man claimed his fiancée hasn’t spoken to him since and made him sleep on the couch. When he consulted her sister about the situation, she said it wasn’t a big deal.
Response From Reddit
Redditors overwhelmingly agreed that he was not in the wrong, however, many had differing views on using substances while pregnant. The extremes went both ways, some saying that one should never even look at a glass of wine while pregnant, while others had a more relaxed perspective. However, a majority of Redditors agreed that there were some red flags given that she had been hiding her tobacco and alcohol use.
“It’s perfectly reasonable to be upset by this, but what you should really be asking yourself is what else she is hiding from you and why,” stated one Redditor.
One commenter stated “As for alcohol and cigarettes during pregnancy, why risk it? It’s only 9 months of not drinking and not smoking compared to the entire lifespan of a human–it’s nothing.”
Another commenter said, “You are understandably upset that she’s putting your baby at risk. I’m not sure there’s much you can do if she decides to continue what she’s doing. Go with her to a doctor’s appointment and disclose what she’s been doing. Maybe she’s feeling ambivalent about the baby? You two might benefit from some counseling.”
Another commenter had some worries about the mother’s mental health. “Is this at all in character for your fiancée? If it’s not… please consider there may be some mental health issue going on. Prepartum Depression is not discussed nearly as much as it should be. Can you convince her to schedule a doctor’s appointment that you also attend?”
At the time of publication, the man has twice added updates. In his second update, he stated that he’s decided to try to get full custody of his child and call off the engagement. He stated that he’s committed to getting her help, though.
In a later update he said that he attended a doctor’s appointment with her and that while the doctor was concerned, they believe the baby will be okay if she stops drinking and smoking ASAP. He also stated, “I don’t think I’m going to call off the engagement anymore, but I’ll still discuss my options with my therapist later today.”