Many people go to great lengths to become parents. If you’ve ever dealt with infertility you probably know that there are several options out there. There’s AI, IFV, IUI, and a slew of other fertility treatment acronyms. There are also open and closed adoptions. And, there’s surrogacy. But, any way you go about it, most routes to becoming a parent (at least in the US) are costly.
Recently, a woman’s post on Reddit showed how some men might use a woman’s desire to become a mother for their own benefit. The original poster stated that she and her husband were going through infertility. They were considering surrogacy and even had a surrogate lined up. While this should sound like good news, the husband’s suggestion to go about things “the old-fashioned way” alerted many commenters to future problems.
Mama Or Auntie?
The poster stated that her younger sister had agreed to be the couple’s surrogate. After her husband “looked into” the cost and amount of time IVF would take, he started making comments about having a child “the traditional way” with the poster’s sister. And, if it sounds like something out of The Handmaid’s Tale, it should, because that’s exactly what it is.
The poster shut down her husband’s suggestion quickly. But, he continued to guilt her stating that she doesn’t “trust him.” The poster has told her husband that she’s uncomfortable going the surrogacy route now. In response, he has called her selfish “for choosing to back out when he still wants to be a dad like he expected” when they got married. She stated that she’s devastated for several reasons but he maintained, “it’s just a quick way for us to have a baby and spare the money and time to use later.”
Not only is the husband attempting to cheat on his wife. But, he’s also making it seem like she’s being inconsiderate. The poster hasn’t told her sister what her husband suggested. (Probably wise.) And, she knows she’ll regret it if she decides to go along with his plan. Infertility is emotionally painful, particularly for the mother. And, choosing surrogacy is a huge decision. Add on a husband who apparently has no moral compass or compassion and things aren’t looking so good for the poster.
Many commenters pointed out that technically that the child would be the poster’s niece or nephew and not her child. “Lawyer here, and legally that would be the case as well. Without an official surrogacy contract, the sister can claim the baby as her own, and [the] husband can be on the hook for child support. [You] will have a hard time proving legal rights to the child. This is a terrible idea all around,” stated one legal mind.
Others commented that his suggestion was probably just a ploy to get what he wants. One commenter got right to the point stating, “Sounds like he wants to cheat on you with your sister and is gaslighting you. Sorry if this comment seems harsh but he sounds like he is totally aware of what he’s doing and emotionally manipulating you to do what he wants. Don’t fall for it. Too many red flags here.”
Another commenter queried, “What happens if your sister doesn’t get pregnant on the first try? Get away from this guy.” We hope she does.