Chrissy Teigen and husband John Legend made the incredibly heartbreaking announcement back in September that they lost their third child whom Teigen was carrying. In a moving Instagram post, Teigen laid raw the pain the couple felt, struggling through multiple blood transfusions to provide enough fluid for their baby, with the procedures sadly not working. She went on to share that, despite normally not naming their children until after birth, that the pair had been calling their newest little one Jack while still in the womb, and that he would continue to live on their hearts has baby Jack.
Included in the post were four black and white images of Teigen and Legend in the hospital, showcasing the raw, painful moments of the day they lost Jack. While some were quick to offer up words of love and support, the trolls eventually came out of the woodwork to comment on the inappropriateness of taking and sharing photos of that awful day.
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We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack – I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.
Now nearly a month since the original post, Teigen has broken the silence in an incredibly honest, moving essay about her the worst experience of her life, as well as addressing why she wanted those heart-wrenching photos in the first place.
The post begins as a thank you to all the friends, family, and fans who have sent their love and support over the path month. “For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness,” Teigen wrote. “Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, ‘you probably won’t read this, but…’. I can assure you, I did.”
She then moves into the painful account of what occurred with their loss of Jack. Teigen explained, “My doctors diagnosed me with partial placenta abruption. I had always had placenta problems. I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta. But this was my first abruption.”
This time, things were much more serious, as she continued, “We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in.”
Despite the constant doctor visits, despite the multiple transfusions, despite living life in adult diapers due to all the bleeding, Teigen eventually finally had to swallow the incredibly painful fact that Jack wasn’t going to make it, and it was only a matter of time before she would have to give her final goodbye. “After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either. We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all.”
While dealing with this devastating news, and having to finally accept the horrible reality of the situation, Teigen asked her husband and mother to document the moment with photos. She explained that John was hesitant and uncomfortable with the request, but in her heart, she knew this was a moment she needed to remember.
I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.
It was here that she addressed all the haters and the trolls who dared to judge a grieving mother for that decision, and her words are powerful.
I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.
The rest of her essay details the day they had to say goodbye to Jack, as well as her thoughts and feelings in the days after their loss. And despite the tragedy of it all, Chrissy Teigen proves what a fighter she really is. In the wake of the grief and tears, she has learned to fill that hole in her heart with the memory of her lost child and the joy of being around her two wonderful children.
She also wanted to share her experience, as she put it, “I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so. Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky.”