American Idol star David Archuleta is releasing a memoir that details his life-saving journey of self-acceptance.
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You may remember David Archuleta from the seventh season of American Idol in 2008. The singer landed second place, losing to David Cook. Since his singing competition stint, Archuleta has been pursuing his music career. Archuleta has since gained almost two million monthly listeners on Spotify alone.
The “Crush” singer has poured his deepest moments into a new memoir, Devout: Losing My Faith to Find Myself. It is releasing on February 17.
In the memoir, Archuleta shines light on his struggles with sexuality growing up in the Mormon Church, and how the dissonance between his sexuality and faith nearly drove him to suicide.
Talking to PEOPLE, David Archuleta said, “I was almost willing to give my life up because I was so devoted to what I believed.”
David Archuleta Had To Learn How Not To Be Ashamed Of Himself
The singer came out as queer in 2021, before leaving the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints the year after.
“I had to learn how to not be ashamed. I always felt like I had to hide before,” he continued. “I’m just grateful to be alive and to see what I can do with my life while I’m here. It really feels like starting again.”
The outlet shared an excerpt that was shared with them. Archuleta explained how he felt God had “abandoned” him and left him with his homosexual feelings. “The logic flowed that if God left me with these homosexual feelings, I supposed He didn’t want me to exist,” he wrote.
Burdened with these feelings, Archuleta “started going on short drives” to find locations he could take his own life. But there was a hesitation.
“The thing that held me back wasn’t the fear of death, but the fear of not dying. If I survived but broke my back, I might be paralyzed, and then it’d be impossible to try again. I’d have to exist with my thoughts for decades without being able to do anything about them.”
Later in life, he described a moment where he felt God’s presence for the first time since beginning his battle. “God was telling me that I was wrong to think that being gay was a mistake. I’d been thinking that it would be better to end my life than to live as a gay man.”
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. The previous Lifeline phone number (1-800-273-8255) will always remain available.