In certain situations, sometimes people aren’t thinking clearly. This leads to them blurting out the first thing they think of, and that can either make the situation a lot worse or even improve it. Just ask these people.
People on Reddit share the best thing they’ve ever said in the heat of the moment. Content has been edited for clarity.
Should Have Bought The Warranty
“I worked in cellphone sales for a few years, and one day a woman came in with a fairly new flip phone. She was complaining because one of the sides of the screen was dangling off. She said she didn’t do anything, it just snapped, and demanded a new phone.
I told her, ‘That looks like physical damage, and we don’t have any coverage for that since you didn’t buy a phone protection warranty.’
She insisted it wasn’t physical damage, and the phone ‘just sucks’ and broke itself. She started freaking out and calling me all kinds of names and swinging her phone in my face.
Then, the top half of the phone literally snapped off and landed on the counter in front of me.
I just looked her in the eyes and said, ‘Well that was definitely physical damage.’
She lost her cool at my comment and it was weirdly satisfying.”
That Was Nice Of Him
“I worked at Target back in college in a stocking job where we had to be there at like 4-5 am to unload trucks. One morning, I overslept a bit and walked to the unpacking line about 10 minutes late eating a breakfast bar.
The boss stormed over and started loudly berating me in front of everyone for being late. As he was going on, I was listening and taking bites of the bar without many expressions (mainly because I was so darn tired). It finally bothered him that I was disrespectfully chewing during the yelling, and he stopped mid-sentence.
So held out his hand, and said, ‘Give me that darn thing!’
It just happened that I only had one bite left so I took it, handed him the wrapper, and said ‘Thanks’ with a mouth full of food.
He paused and started laughing at the ridiculous response to his complaining. We were buddies after that.”
Give Credit Where Credit Is Due
“At work at a company meeting, someone was presenting something cool they volunteered to work on and finished. They then explained things they thought they could do better in a self-deprecating way, and a bunch of other people started railing into his work with petty criticism.
It was definitely good work, though, and a thought just hit me so I blurted it out, ‘Sometimes, ‘done’ is the best feature.’
A bunch of people laughed, and then the criticism stopped. People gave him kudos and we moved on. I was surprised this thought somehow came out fully formed, like it was some phrase I’ve been saying for decades.
I guess I was just realizing how many people don’t finish anything they start. So ‘done’ suddenly seemed like a pretty dang good feature. Give the man some credit for finishing the darn thing!”
Good Improv Skills
“It was the opening night of A Christmas Carol. We were performing the scene from ‘Christmas future,’ where Scrooge’s former employees are pawning off all his stuff. The pawnbroker went to handsome coins to the girl next to me, but she dropped them. Everyone froze for a split second, and I saw an opportunity.
I figured any character who would loot a dead guy’s house and sell off his stuff wouldn’t have any qualms about pocketing someone else’s cash, so I dove for it. The other girl caught on and immediately and went after it, too, and we made an improvised bit of fighting over it.
Afterward, my costars congratulated me on my quick thinking, and the director liked how it played out so much that he made it a permanent part of the show. It wasn’t anything monumental, but it added a couple of laughs in what was otherwise a pretty dark scene. This has to be my proudest acting moment.”
Oh How The Tables Turn
“At a family vacation, my grandmother was giving me grief for not remembering her birthday (I’ve never been good with birthdays) after telling me it was the password to her iPhone (she wanted me to take a picture with it, which is why I needed the password).
While she was distracted, I opened up the settings, changed her password to my birthdate, and then set her phone down.
Cue 15 minutes later, she’s trying to get into her phone and it’s not working. Suspecting mischief, she grumpily asked me if I’ve changed the password to her phone in front of our entire family. I admit that I did.
‘Well, what is it?’ She asked impatiently.
‘It’s my birthdate,’ I deadpanned.
She sat there in stunned silence for about 15 seconds not being able to remember my birthday before our family exploded laughing. Was a good time.”
This Man Came Prepared
“Was doing a university project, had to do a large presentation in front of maybe 50-60 other students about a possible business of manufacturing an education toy for kids. It was a bit of a train wreck, as no one else in the group had rehearsed or even read the script.
As with all presentations they asked for questions at the end, and I stepped up to answer questions.
There was one guy at the back that always asked awkward questions, like ‘What if someone were to injure themselves and sue you?’ or ‘Have you factored in matching employees pensions?’
It was meant to be a fun project for first-year students, they weren’t expecting tons of detail.
When it came to asking questions, I volunteered to answer them. The guy opened right away asking awkward questions, but he misjudged how intense I am with details. I asked the lecturer hosting the session if I could load up my spreadsheet, he allowed it. That’s when the guy realized he had asked the wrong guy.
I had made an automatic spreadsheet that would work out how many people were needed, how many machines, what hours people could work, rolling production over 24 hours, and overlapping shifts to ensure it all worked at maximum efficiency. Add to that it worked out costs, complying to the law exactly including pension contributions, tax amounts, holidays, time off work due to illness, etc, insurance, rent, and more.
When it came to asking his group questions I asked him every single thing he had overlooked legally, like time off for work, pay increases, etc. On the way out the other groups gave me a smile as it had shut him right up.”
A Little Vacation Sounds Nice
“This was back in my junior year of college. At the beginning of the semester, I was introducing myself to my very intimidating biochemistry professor (guy was a genius but also a hard teacher; students were all terrified to ask him questions because he was known for grilling people, and if they hadn’t made enough effort beforehand, he’d send them out of his office to learn on their own). As I walked into his office, he was sorting through some boxes and made a really sarcastic comment regarding stuffing me in the box and shipping it off somewhere.
He looked up for my response and I just blurted out without thinking, ‘I wouldn’t mind going somewhere nice…’
Dude laughed so hard it actually startled me a little. We got along pretty well for the remainder of the semester, so it all worked out really well! It’s amazing what a little laughter can do to ease tension.”
This Was So Out Of Line, But A Great Response
“I was always really shy in school, had very few friends, and was bullied a lot. My mom passed away when I was 14, and I kept it to myself. I didn’t want sympathy or more bullying for it. Someone found out, not sure how.
They then said in one of our mutual classes that I should just die as my stupid mom did. The whole class heard and was shocked, even the teacher was like a deer in headlights.
I immediately got up to leave but before I left, I turned to her, got up close, and said, ‘I’ve seen what cancer does to people. It hurts. And I would never wish that on anyone. Not even you.’
I turned and walked out.
A lot of people had me some respect for the fact that I stood up to myself, although people then knew my mom had died, which wasn’t great. I ended up leaving the school a few months later anyways but I was glad that I stood up for myself.”
Watch Where You’re Going!
“Had an older lady road rage me. Long story short, I pulled into a parallel space in front of the cop shop and she butt ended me going 30. But she wasn’t done! She backed out, drove up the street, turned around, and then smashed into me head-on, screeching the entire time. The officers came out in time to see her smash me a second time.
I got out all shaky-legged, wide-eyed, and scattered. A cop came and helped me get up the curb, while another was pulling the woman out of her vehicle. She was screaming about young people being bad drivers, screaming at me being a ‘disrespecting millennial.’
I replied, ‘Ma’am I may be a millennial but at least I won’t be in jail for child endangerment you freaking musty bag of skin.’
She didn’t realize my four-year-old was in the car. The cop busted up laughing as she was screeching about my foul language. I went in for the dirty word kill, calling her a slimy piece of trash, a cobwebbed old hagball, whatever I could think of. The cop admonished me but was still chuckling. I was pretty sure this lady was purple, she was so angry.
I went to her court date. She lost her license permanently (already had 10 points) had to do 80 hours of anger management, 120 hours of community service, and was credited for three days in jail. She was 84.”
He Gave Them What They Wanted
“When I was in high school, I joined the show choir band as the electric guitar player. I was generally a pretty shy kid, so being surrounded by the show choir crowd was a bit of an adjustment. I remained mostly pretty quiet at rehearsals and such, and just kind of showed up and did my thing.
During one of our competitions, we had just received results from the daytime round and were told we had scored just a few points short of first place.
As our director made his way through the feedback from the judges, one thing that was mentioned was ‘Great band, but need more guitar.’
One of the singers turned to me and said, ‘Dude, you should rip a solo in finals!’
I politely shook it off, as I figured there was no way this idea would fly with the director. But before I could get that thought across, there were already more singers chiming in and chattering over it.
I figured what the heck and spoke up to the team, saying I was willing to give it a try.
There was some awkward silence. In an effort to break it up, I muttered, ‘The judges said they want more guitar, I think I can provide that.’
The room erupted.
Everyone went out fired up and we performed easily our best show of the year. I played the solo during one of the dance breaks at the end and got a big roar from the crowd to ice the cake. Devastatingly, we came in second and certainly felt robbed, but the guitar solo ended up becoming a mainstay for our show after that.”
Seems Like He Understood The Issue
“I was the nerdy, five-foot-tall shy girl, and constantly got paired with struggling/misbehaving kids to ‘help them.’
On this occasion, it was two popular guys in English class. One was your typical, 2000s era comic book jock, the other was a class clown who just didn’t know when to stop. Together, they unanimously agreed to do nothing at all and instead made fun of our classmates, while I made the world’s ugliest word cloud.
I guess I had an epiphany, because, for the first time in my 15 years of life, I decided, forget this, and went to tell the teacher they were being lazy and I’d rather just do it solo. It took a hot minute before they realized I’d even left. When he pointed it out, the jock stood up looking, ready to Hulk out of his jeans.
And the Jock said, ‘What are you tattling on us for? It’s not like we’ve done anything.’
And I replied, ‘Yeah, that’s kind of the point.’
And just walked out of the dead silent class. Because I was so used to being bullied, I fully expected him to throw a chair at me. But apparently, I just looked like a cool kid, which is accidental street cred my nerdy self was 100% eager to roll with.”
She Seemed Very Familiar
“When I was a broke college student, a wealthy older lawyer hit my car. No damage to his, but mine was crumpled, and I spent all of my no money at the time keeping it on the road. I was going literally seven miles per hour in a parking lot, and he was entirely at fault. We exchanged insurance info, and I had to get a rental car until mine was fixed. He dodged the insurance calls for about two weeks, forcing me to pay out-of-pocket for the rental. This was about $600, which I definitely didn’t have. I knew this guy was a snooty lawyer. My dad is a court attorney and while I have never used this flex, I finally had to ask my dad to call him and talk some lawyer at him. About 15 minutes later, I got a call and insurance would go forward.
Fast-forward like eight years, I was bartending at a swanky lounge where a Chamber of Commerce event was going on. Just for local business people to rub elbows and network. This lawyer was really feeling himself and charming the room.
He ordered a drink from me, and then stopped and said, ‘Hey, miss, do I know you?’
So I came back loudly with, ‘Well not really but you hit my car in a parking lot a few years ago when I was a broke college student and stuck me with the bill. Do you want to open a tab for the drink or closeout now?’
He did not open a tab.”
She Set Him Straight
“My boyfriend and I were at a music event we had been planning for months. It was a 15-hour drive one way for two nights to see one of our favorite people in a rare setting. I usually keep my anger to myself at shows and change locations rather than getting in people’s faces if they’re making me mad because it is not worth the potential drama.
Well, I didn’t really feel that way this night. It was night two, and we were already exhausted. We were on the balcony rail and had made friends with the VIP group in the area, so we had all meshed together and were having a great night. We kept rotating the rail spot out through the group to share the amazing view (it was looking down on the dance floor and over the DJ booth, so you could see the DJ actually do everything). Suddenly, Mr. Entitled Hammered guy and his lady shoved us off the railing and started dry humping.
And I politely tapped that man on the shoulder.
I got directly in his face and said, ‘I don’t know who the heck you think you are, but that was incredibly rude and you guys need to leave this spot now.’
You could see this guy has never had a female speak to him that like. He looked at my boyfriend and asked him to get me to back off, and my dude just backed up slowly and put his hands up and shrugged, because there was absolutely no way that was going to happen.
He tried to plead with me, but I stood my ground until he left.
I often wish I could find the courage to speak up like that in more situations, but I’ve never been able to call up that confidence since.”
He Didn’t Follow The Rules
“I was arguing a ‘Motion to Dismiss’ on a simple, typical type of case that we do very often in that field of law. In arguing a ‘Motion to Dismiss,’ the only information that matters is what’s mentioned in the Complaint, the document that begins a lawsuit and basically lays out the case.
Opposing counsel started using random facts from ‘the file’ (all the voluminous background documents we share about the case) in his argument. The judge asked me if it was true. I responded that I don’t know because I haven’t even looked at the file on this case before this hearing, since it’s a Motion to Dismiss hearing and all that matters is the words contained within these pages, and I held up the 3-page Complaint in the air.
Basically, I admitted I didn’t study the case at all— but it didn’t matter, because those facts aren’t allowed in a Motion to Dismiss hearing. It was bold and I was scared when I said it. I won the hearing!!!
Afterward, the other lawyer was fuming and approached me to basically convince me that he was right (he wasn’t). He accused me of ‘manipulating’ the judge (with the law and logic?)… And he said the judge seemed like the kind of guy who is ‘whipped’ by his wife (I’m a woman). I just kept smiling and thought it was hilarious what a poor loser this guy was.
To make it even better, a high-powered attorney who was in the courtroom waiting for his own hearing exited while we were talking and came up to high-five me and compliment my argument! The loser was so crestfallen! I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face the whole day.”
That Poor Girl Had No Idea
“I was at the beach a couple of years ago with like 10 friends. We had gone out for a two-day vacation and rented a big house on the coast. But one (now ex-friend) really wanted to do the ice bucket challenge with me. I said no and I didn’t want to, but he kept insisting.
I told him no because one, I didn’t want that. Also, no means no man? Two, I didn’t have a swimsuit on and I wasn’t going to go put it on for something again that I didn’t want to do. Three, I didn’t have any extra clothes, and we were driving home that night— about a two or three-hour drive.
He called me a wimp and a coward all day, and I played along like ‘Oh haha you got me. Guess I’m a real wimp, whatever dude.’
But then when another friend met up with us later in the day, and she knew nothing about all this. He told her to dump ocean water on me as a ‘prank.’ She agreed, and he filmed it— and it was humiliating. The rest of our friend group had witnessed him harassing me (for lack of a better word) all day, so to see this happen and for it to go down like that, they were stunned into silence. He stood there with a huge grin on his face, filming the whole thing. And since he was filming me I was scared to overreact or otherwise emotionally feed into whatever he was up to. I didn’t want to end up on Twitter or something and people be like ‘What a crazy guy, it’s just a prank!’
I was so beyond angry that I became calm. I’ve never been so angry and so done in a matter of seconds.
I remember I looked around at everyone, then looked him in the eyes and said ‘Hey, that is embarrassing.’
Then, I walked back to the house we were all staying in, showered off the gross sandy ocean water, and had to go out and buy a new shirt. It was an awkward drive home, I haven’t spoken to him since, and he’s still mad at me for ‘not being able to take a joke.’
After we got home, his girlfriend broke up with him for reasons related to how awful of a person he is. He blew up my phone calling and texting me, accusing me of ‘meddling’ with his relationship. I had no idea what the heck he was talking about.
So I told him, ‘I’m literally sitting at home dude, I don’t know what’s going on in your life or what to tell you but good luck.’
Of course, he didn’t believe me and insisted I was ‘feeding her lies’ and ‘spreading rumors’ about him, despite her and I never talking? Again no freaking clue what the heck he was on about, but I’m glad she broke up with that crazy guy.”