Early one morning, a woman, who we will call Tara, was awoken by a text notification on her phone - or, in her morning grogginess, what she thought was her phone. The text notification was from "mom" and Tara thought to herself that she would deal with it later.
She was about to put the phone down, roll over and snooze a little longer when she noticed a Snapchat notification from a woman named "Roxy" was also on the home screen. Tara didn't know anyone named Roxy, didn't follow anyone named Roxy and had no idea who Roxy could be. So, she opened the post. It was an explicit "below the belt" selfie of a woman with the caption: "I want your tongue inside me again."
Now Tara was awake.
Tara was startled and confused, her first thought was that it must be some kind of mistake, but she quickly realized it was her husband's phone, not her own as she'd originally assumed. He was in the shower, getting ready for work, but had left his phone on her nightstand. Their phones were the same brand and model, so it was easy to confuse the two, especially when Tara was barely awake. Tara was in shock. She wrote, "I felt like I was going to crap the bed and started to sweat."
When she examined the Snap further, her heart sank further, as she put it, "I looked at his contacts on Snapchat and she has a yellow heart next to her name. I looked up what that means and it means they are 'best friends.'"
She was confused and hurt, writing, "I feel like I'm going to be sick. I didn't do any other snooping because honestly, I know what I'll find. I just don't understand how he could do this. We're happy. I thought we were happy. We (get it on) at least four times a week." Why was her husband, whom she had been with for five years in total and married to for more than a year, Snapchatting with some strumpet? After all, this was a man that she described as "great. Super smart, funny, handsome, and, I thought, loyal. He's never given me reason to doubt him or be suspicious." What was her next move? Tara wasn't sure, she was just in a daze.
It did explain one thing, why he had started using Snapchat. Tara wrote, "I thought it was kind of odd when he downloaded Snapchat; he's not big on social media. I have one, but I'm not very active. We rarely snap each other. He said his friends were really active and he liked it better than Facebook, so... As I said, I've never had any reason not to trust him. So I thought nothing of it." She was thinking about it now.
That's when Tara dropped the next bombshell: she was twelve weeks pregnant with their first child.
Tara was lost and looking for advice on Reddit, writing, "He's sitting in the recliner about 20 feet from me and I just can't find the words to confront him. How do I say what I need to say?? I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do."
It's a situation that everyone can feel sympathy for. What kind of man cheats on his wife, while she is pregnant, and how should she react to this awful revelation? Tara doesn't know, as most of us would not, at least initially. There has to a confrontation, but how will it start?
At first, Tara stays quiet, but her husband senses that something is going on.
"So, [my] husband knows something is up. I don't know if he saw that I opened a Snapchat from Roxy and is afraid of what I saw and afraid to bring it up or if he's clueless and can just tell I'm upset about something. He's been asking me if I'm okay or if something is wrong about every hour," Tara wrote. She wasn't ready for a fight, she was still digesting the information she had stumbled onto that morning. So she dodges the question when he asks if she's alright. "I told him my sister was having a hard time today because, ironically, she just broke up with her boyfriend. Why? He cheated. I was going to go over to her place for dinner and to spend the night with her."
This would get her out of the house and give her a chance to get her thoughts together, with the help of her sister.
Her sister would help her identify who "Roxy" was too, Tara explains. "My sister is 20 and a whiz at the social media thing. She "stalked" his Facebook to see if this Roxy person popped up anywhere. She looked through his friend's friends. Bingo, we found her. Well, at least pretty sure. I didn't see her face in the Snapchat. The screen was too full of her crotch."
It turns out, her husband probably met her through a friend of his, "She's Facebook friends with my husband's good friend. She is listed as a receptionist at my husband's friend's law firm."
At this point, Tara was still grappling with how she was going to confront her husband, who was clearing cheating on her with a woman named Roxy that worked as a receptionist as her husband's friend's law firm, just a couple blocks from her husband's office.
Her younger sister was ticked! She wanted "to burn his life to the ground," and so did Tara, but she also knew better. She may not have figured out how she was going to confront him, but she did know that she was "going to address this in the most adult way possible so that I can walk away from him with my head held high and be a deserving role model to my baby."
The first thing she did was contact her uncle, a divorce attorney, and told him that she needed to speak to him, as soon as possible. After this, we don't learn much until a little while later, Tara opened a new thread on Reddit with an update.
When Tara opened the new thread, she gave a quick update what was going on.
First, she clearly had confronted her husband at this point.
At first, like so many others like him, he lied and tried to deny it. Tara wrote, "His face gave him away immediately but he still tried to lie to me at first."
She asked who Roxy was and, according to her cheating husband, "she works with his friend and they met when his friend invited her out to lunch with the two of them. At first, he claimed he only met her about two months ago. He said that they're 'best friends' because he doesn't receive many snapchats from others and she is extremely active on the app. He said she just sends randoms and is really into fitness, so she sends a lot of 'inspirational' snaps on being healthy and living a better life. He said that every once in a while, he'll send her something back, like a picture of a cheeseburger or something just to tease her about her level of health-consciousness."
He was trying to play it off as innocent, but Tara saw the crotch shot. She knew what it really was. So she probed a little deeper with pointed questions, questions that like a good lawyer, she knew the real answer to. "First, I asked why he didn't just tell me about her. He said he didn't even think about it because she's just an acquaintance, not even a friend. Then I asked if he'd ever received anything even remotely inappropriate from her."
And her husband continued to lie.
"He answered with, 'not on purpose.'"
That's an interesting answer. Tara immediately knew why he answered like that. He knew that she had seen the Snap from Roxy and "he probably knew it was a bad one." But Tara didn't stop pressing, she had him on the ropes. She asked was "not on purpose" meant and her husband began to crack. Tara described his reaction, "He got very defensive. Started raising his voice and saying he doesn't need to explain what that means, that sometimes people accidentally send the wrong snapchats to the wrong people. Then he had the nerve to say something along the lines of, 'I feel like I'm on trial here. People warned me that you'd get crazy when you're pregnant but I never thought it'd be this bad.'"
People warned me that you'd get crazy when you're pregnant.
It's safe to say that this is the last thing a woman wants to hear from the father of her child as she is accusing him of infidelity. Amazingly, Tara's reaction was not to immediately take a blunt object to his dome.
Tara tried to stay calm, as she wrote, "I was raised by a mother who always told me that you never accomplish anything with anger. That you can be emotional, passionate, upset, etc. without ever raising your voice. Messages received quietly and concisely are just as loud and clear as messages received through yelling and screaming. That is how I have lived my life for 26 years."
Now, many in the world would stay calm in the face of such an obnoxious comment, in the middle of a confrontation about a husband's canoodling with some receptionist from his friend's work. Most people would be justified in losing it, and in the end, Tara did. The fight was in full effect now, "I didn't exactly yell and scream, but I became furious. For him to try to blame this on me being pregnant? How unoriginal and offensive. Long story short, he said he'd never seen me this crazy and I told him that I'd never seen a picture of another girl's [private parts] on my husband's Snapchat before.
He came back with that I 'shouldn't have looked at his Snapchat.' I came back with that it was an accident but even if it hadn't been, there shouldn't be any reason he's receiving Snapchats like that for me to see- accidentally or not- in the first place. I told him that I may be pregnant but I'm also an intelligent person and I am his wife, so I knew he was lying and I deserved to know the truth. I asked if I could see his text messages to see if he's been texting Roxy. He said sure. No messages. Then I asked to see his Facebook messages. He looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He told me no."
She asked why. His answer cemented the direction their marriage had been heading since she'd seen the infamous snapchat photo.
This was the breaking point for Tara's husband. "He finally broke and started to cry. Told me he couldn't let me see the messages because they would hurt me. Because they were inappropriate."
The truth was finally coming out. The affair had been going on for months. They had even hooked up in the backseat of his car the first night they met.
Tara kicked him out of the house, telling him "to go stay in a hotel or with Roxy for all I cared." She was done. She had spoken to her uncle, she was ready for to get divorce and kick this cheater to the curb. In the post, it's clear that Tara is grappling with the immediate aftermath of the fight and her husband leaving, she wrote, "Right now, I'm sort of numb but I'm also thinking very clearly. I know what my next 10 moves are and I feel supported and secure in my decision to leave him and keep my baby."
At this point, Tara wrapped up the post. She talked a little about the divorce proceedings and how she was going to handle them, "My uncle already assured me that if he was unfaithful, we would cream him in court. Really the only thing I'm willing to fight him tooth and nail for is our home; I put a lot of effort and money into making this home my dream space. I won't be seeking spousal support but I will seek child support."
Tara is a strong woman, she can financially support herself, so she is not worried about money. She also clearly has an amazing support system, as she ends the post with a conversation she had with her father, who does what a great father should do, he builds her up in the best way he knows how. His words are an inspiration, as Tara said, "My dad and I were up late talking last night and, as usual, he had the perfect thing to say to me. He told me that weak people are afraid of strong people. He told me to keep on terrifying the weak ones. That way, the only people who won't fear you are the bravest, strongest of people and those are the people who are worthy of you. Then he said my husband is a spineless turd who couldn't kick it with the strongest woman in the world."
Over the course of two Reddit posts and numerous updates, it's inspiring to see a woman confronted with her worst fears and emerge days or weeks later a stronger woman, ready to take on even the worst problems and situations. We can all take something valuable from that.