"I was out with my friend at a bar when these guys approached us, and my friend looked like she was interested in one of the men walking over. We started talking as a group, quite friendly at first.
The guy she liked was paying more attention to me than her, which she didn't like. Out of nowhere, she started a physical fight with me to get his attention. She literally just walked over to me, totally unprovoked, and slapped me across the face. She ended up getting us both kicked out. Since I was her ride, I drove her home and never spoke to her again."
"First sign: he would disappear and not contact me for months at a time, including once after he'd said he would drive me to the hospital because I was feeling really bad (I ended up driving myself and I was hospitalized for three days). I didn't take it personally because it just seemed like his thing and I didn't want to admit my feelings were hurt.
Second sign: he tried to (unsuccessfully) cheat on his wife with me (I was also married). I brushed it off because she was a cheater herself and he was, well, he was who he is.
Third sign: he went on at length about how much better his life would have been if he'd continued dating me way back when (before the first month-long 'disappearance,' when he had ditched me, the girl he was on a date with, to 'comfort' his coworker- whom he later married). I was on this gilded pedestal and nothing he said really had anything to do with me, just that he didn't like his life and thought I could save him from it. I gently told him that was never the case, and wrote it off because he was depressed.
Fourth sign: he found out I was moving to a nearby city - we were both still married. He proceeded to tell me how he couldn't wait for us to catch up, go to bars together and sleep together.
And, finally, I saw the light. I told him off for being a prick and was the one to disappear from his life - for good."
"My toxic relationship is with my current roommate (and best friend of 15 years) and his girlfriend. She pretty much lives here. She stays here Monday-Friday, gets ready for her job here, keeps all her groceries here, never does her dishes (even though she has more coffee mugs here than my roommate and me combined), uses our washer and dryer, decorated the public bathroom with all her crap, and generally abuses our hospitality. I've asked many times if she could just start helping with bills, not even equal with us, just enough to help, and nope she can't afford it, and he doesn't see it as her living there.
It really sucks because we were only able to get the apartment because of me. I had great renter's history, he just got evicted from his last apartment where he lived for seven years and only ever paid rent on time about half the time. He's been good on paying everything on time, because I WILL NOT let that slide, but I'm on the verge of moving out because we have a third roommate living there for free.
I sat them down to talk about how I feel she should start helping out paying for rent. Mainly, I want her to clean up after herself and help with some of the bills. I gave her a price I thought was fair and affordable. Our rent is $1600, and I asked if she could pay $200 for her portion and then $25 on gas and energy and $25 for Internet and cable. $250 a month total to live there with no complaints from me anymore.
I told her to tell me in a few days so she could think about it, and she said she doesn't need to think about it because she couldn't afford it. So then I reminded them about the lease agreement about how we can't have guests in the apartment for more than 14 days of the month and she will have to start to adhere to that. Both said no problem...and well nothing has changed."
"I was dating a girl who had family problems and she had more than once gotten kicked out of her mom and stepdad's house. They threw her out near Christmas one year so my family invited her to stay with us for a while until things cooled off. They even let us share my bed while she was staying here.
She was finally getting ready to go back after a few weeks, so she went to the store to get some necessities. I heard my mom, in tears, talking to my stepdad. I went out to see what was going on and I found out that the money from their paychecks was gone. My mom used to get cash from both of their paychecks and keep it in an envelope in her purse. That was their free spending money for the month and it was usually a pretty good amount.
We initiated a search around the house and finally found the envelope in my girlfriend's suitcase. She was told to leave the house the second she came back. I broke things off and never spoke to her again after what she did. My family let her live with us and took her in during the holiday season and she repaid us by trying to steal my parents' money."
"My brother was abusive. If you don't know, abusers will put you on a pedestal and tell you good things and be your best friend to get trust and therefore control, then isolate you so that you have no help or anyone to tell you something is wrong, then gaslight you, use you, hurt you (physically or otherwise) and destroy you.
While homeless with my mom and sister after a nasty divorce with my abusive father, my brother invited me to live with him telling me all sorts of lies like 'it would be easier on mom' and I believed him (I just wanted to make her burden lighter, I was 17).
He had a long-term girlfriend I didn't know well at first but got to know. She didn't have many friends and would constantly complain about the ones she had. She was impulsive, rude, malicious (letting air out of car tires/keying cars, killed someone's exotic fish by putting CLR in the tank, murdered a garden w/ weed killer, etc.)
I don't know why I didn't see the signs earlier (abuse is like that sometimes) but it all came crashing down when she invited me out to drive an hour away to a nice sushi place and treat me to lunch. I thought, great! Wow, she must really like me to do something like that. I feel loved and wanted. Right? I felt like I belonged somewhere for the first time in my life. A feeling I chased for so long (having grown up the youngest in a broken, abusive and poverty-stricken household).
Well, she gets a call from my brother from his lunch break. Hi, how are you, whatcha doing. And then. Her: 'Taking your sister out to sushi.' Him: 'Oh god, why? [laughs] You don't have anyone else to go with?' Her: (casually, as if I'm not in the passenger seat) 'I mean she's freaking annoying but it's more entertaining than being alone.'
I attempted suicide a month or so later. I was convinced I was unloveable, irredeemable garbage, and a tool for people to use. I was tired of being abused. I thought that was just how life was because I had literally never experienced anything else and hard physical and mental abuse was my every-day average.
Luckily I'm doing better. Last year some more crap happened and I wanted to die so badly, everything was a blur of depression, fear and anger, so I visited my school psychologist and she told me I have deep trauma and PTSD. So armed with that knowledge I've been taking better care of myself now that I know what's PTSD fear and what's situational etc. It's a lot less frustrating to be alive.
Right now I'm in the UK visiting my partner of 8 years, I have friends and I'm actually doing alright. "
"He took a week-long trip to America, where his best friend was in college on a baseball scholarship. I had no problem with this since up to this point I trusted him and I had no issue with him having fun with this friend he saw only a few times a year.
That week comes along, he heads to the United States and I'm sick as a dog. I don't attend my classes, I just stay in bed at my parents' pretty much dying of the flu. Bedridden, I just hang out most days sleeping, watching movies and scrolling through social media. I retweet an old ex (we must've dated three years prior), who tweeted something about a show I liked - something totally harmless (that ex and I had ended on good terms, lived totally separate lives, but were the kind of people that still wished each other happy birthdays, or talked briefly if we saw each other in public, etc).
Later that night that I received a call from a friend saying she was 'so sorry' for all the stuff all over social media, and was asking what had happened. I had absolutely no clue what she was talking about. She told me to look at Twitter and there was honestly pages of tweets of my then boyfriend berating me, insulting me, calling me dirty names.
This idiot didn't even speak to me directly about any feelings he was having and is away on an amazing trip, yet he's saying this all over a public platform for all of our friends/family to see! It wasn't until a bit later that I connected my retweet earlier that day to his behavior. It was honestly that innocent, that I didn't even believe his behavior could've resulted from it. Long story short, he ended up absolutely going insane on me - and when he said it 'was over,' I laughed and said, 'okay, great.' There was no way in heck I was staying in a relationship with someone who pulled this kind of crap. After that he kept backpedaling, thinking that his breakup threat would've torn me up more. He spent months trying to get back together - then sending page long texts insulting me and demeaning me. He would try and find any way or reason to contact me, even once sent me an 11-page text because he found 'one of my hairs in his room.' It was such a roller coaster that my parents eventually had to call my phone company and have his number blocked from contacting me in any way shape or form. And if he came into my work, my coworkers knew to tell me immediately and hide me in the back room. So yeah, never again.
OH, and if that isn't bad enough - He was the only person at the time who I had shared that I had been assaulted by two of my male 'friends' that same year. He later used that against me, telling me that it 'wasn't real' and that I 'wanted it,' saying I was terrible, everything you can think of. This really, really messed me up at the time because I was trying to come to terms and struggling with what had happened to me. It took me three years into my current relationship to tell my boyfriend that part of my past, just because of the extreme anxiety and unease my ex had caused in that department.
Thank God I'm with someone now who is the complete and utter opposite."
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"He was my first real boyfriend and looking back there were many 'moments:'
It was an extremely toxic relationship but because he was my first I never realized until I left. I regret staying with him for so long as my mom, who is also my best friend, really disliked him and it put a massive strain on our relationship. I'm so glad I got out!"
"When my dad was arrested and extradited to another state, I was going through a ton of stress. Not only was I in grad school and working two jobs, I was the one who understood the lawyers the most, it was up to me to make the 1500 mile trips for court appearances because my family and I agreed I was the one that should go. One day, while having a nervous breakdown after a fight with my boyfriend at the time because he wasn't being supportive, he says, 'at times like this I'm glad your dad is going to prison for the rest of his life. You are so spoiled by him.'
Basically, my dad was arrested on DEA charges; my dad has always been loving and caring to all of us. He did whatever it took; I'm not saying it was the right thing though. So, when he was taken to the Midwest, I fell apart when they wanted to give him 36 years to life. It took two years of going back and forth, a ton of stress, and my ex never offered any support. I couldn't even talk to him about it after that comment. I was done."
"First person who comes to mind is a guy I dated shortly last summer. I was having a really hard time because months before meeting him I found out my husband was having an affair with a much younger girl and left me for her. He was barely around anymore. I was insanely depressed. We had kids together and life was going so well, and I was completely blindsided. 8 year's together and I never saw it coming. So after a while, I realized crying myself to sleep and holing up in the house every day was going to make it worse. I had to try and find a semblance of a new normal. I come upon a guy on my 'People You May Know' list who looked familiar and added him. Turns out it was not the guy I was thinking he was, but we started talking and hit it off.
He tells me he also recently broke up with his girlfriend and mother of his child and was also having a hard time with it. I told him my story. When I asked what caused the break up for them, he simply said they were not getting along and she just left one day and broke up with him. Okay. We go out on a few dates and he seems alright. On the third date, he asks if I have a few dollars for gas and I said of course. He lives an hour away, I should help with the gas money. Well, this was just the tip of the iceberg of the many favors he would ask over the course of 4 months.
Now I am the type of girl that likes to give and help. I like to be the one buying things and paying because normally the man is always having to do it. It makes me feel good to do it. But it also causes me to get caught up thinking I am being a nice person, but actually being used big time. I made good money at the time and he realized this almost immediately. It started out with asking me for gas money every time we hung out, so I was gladly giving him $20 for gas every night after he dropped me off. He said he recently quit his job due to being depressed and was working on getting another one.
Then I started buying his smokes. On top of that, he was an avid pot user and started asking me to pay for his fix when he ran out saying he would pay me back. So then I was giving him $20 for gas AND $30 for weed every night. Then he says his insurance from the job was cut off and he is prescribed Adderall and needs the money to buy his script. That's another $50. To hurry this along, after a month I was basically shelling out $200 every day we hung out, which was several days a week. I was paying for the gas, our food, his weed, his medication, his child's needs, and ALSO spending money on whatever we were doing. Despite this, he never had any money leftover the next day.
We dated from June until September. I still remember the very last day I hung out with him before breaking it off. I had made $450 that night. He picked me up from work and we stayed the night at his house, which was his parent's house. We stop on the way and I put $20 in the tank and buy our smokes. We get to his house and go to sleep. The next day we start the drive down to my city to take me home, but before we get on the freeway we stop at the gas station again. Out of habit, I hand over $20 for his tank and $20 for smokes and drinks. When we get to my city, he gives me that sad look and says 'I'm out of Adderall, can you please buy me a few and I'll pay you back?' There goes $40.
When I got home he needed even more money. I get inside the house and count my money and realize I have $175 left out of making $450 just 12 hours ago. No way was I spending even more on the movie and dinner we had planned. I told him I was sick and had to stay home. He blew up about it. I broke it off days later. I can't even begin to count how much I spent during those months. It was insane. I finally talk to his ex girlfriend a few months after leaving him. He cheated on her with her best friend, she showed proof. It was apparent he was a sociopath, glad I broke it off when I did."
"My suitemate in college (there were 4 girls total, two rooms, one shared bathroom and she was in the other 'suite') backhanded me across the face. Some backstory...
We'll call her Mary. She was a toxic friend all semester long: stealing my stuff, backhanded compliments, and openly flirting with my boyfriend in front of me whom she set me up with! She had been in an on again off again relationship with a guy we'll call Tony and multiple times we'd heard her slap him or see her shove him but he insisted we tell no one. She even told us at one point she stopped taking birth control in hopes that she'd become pregnant and he wouldn't be able to break up with her. Crazy relationship.
During an 'off' period we get a phone call from her at 4 am and she is HYSTERICAL. She's freaking out on the phone, incoherent, and basically giving the impression to us that she's just been assaulted either physically or intimately - we couldn't tell which. She says she is at Tony's house. We know we need to get there but we have no car and no public transportation running that time of night so we have to run/walk over 3 miles to get to her. We're all pretty out of shape so this trek was huge for us.
We get there and she's on the front porch just wailing. My roommate gets her off the porch and I go inside to talk to Tony. He says that Mary showed up wasted out of nowhere and spilled the trying to get pregnant beans and he dumped her for good this time. She starts breaking things in the house and he makes her leave and locks her out. All the roommates (who I was very close friends with) agree this is what happened and Tony never laid a hand on Mary.
His roommates have since called the cops while Mary is going absolutely crazy outside. I go outside and say, 'Mary, we need to leave NOW the cops are coming, you are underage and trashed and I'm not letting you get arrested.' She screams at me. I respond 'Mary, I'm trying to help you, don't make me call your mom!' Her and her mom were the BFF mom/daughter duo so I genuinely thought this would make her snap out of it. She whips around, screams 'you're a effing ho' and backhands me across the face with a ring on every single finger. I storm off, she avoids getting arrested, and the next day she wakes up and claims she blacked out the night before and remembers nothing. I now have a permanent scar on my face and had bruises/open bloody wounds for days. Requested a room switch the next day and have avoided her ever since."
"When your core group of guy friends doesn't bother to invite you out anymore and they skip out on your plans. Some of these guys I had known since our childhood and let them stay at my house when they got kicked out of their parents' house. Then when your ex-girlfriend cheats on you and then none of them say anything after finding out. After a while, I stopped contacting them and they never reached out to me.
Some of my the best memories from my 20s are with these guys but none of them gave a crap when I needed them during hard times.
Yeah, I'm just a little bitter when I think of it but otherwise, it's been 10 years and I have a completely different life and have moved on.
I met a bunch of great new friends since then and we all reach out to each other if we haven't heard from someone in a day or two."
"We'd been going through some tough times and our relationship was already on thin ice. I was coming up on my important swimming championships for college and all I asked was that she let me focus 100% on the meet for four days. We would have no contact about our relationship or anything.
After the morning session of the first day is complete, the team and I head back to the hotel to get lunch, review the tape, and rest. I see that I have three voicemails and a slew of text messages of her begging me to call her and to talk about our relationship. To top it off, not a single question about how I had done.
It was like a giant weight was lifted off of me at that moment. I officially no longer had a single ounce of crap left for her or that relationship. She had been completely selfish the entire time and I finally saw it. I didn't blow up at her, simply texted back that we'd talk when I was back on campus.
Our 'talk' consisted of me handing her a box of her stuff from my room and that was that. I should have ended it much sooner but that's all you can do since hindsight is 20/20. My mind was not in the right place all season because of how toxic the relationship was. I came back the following year to post personal records all season long."
"I realized it was toxic when she would come over every day because her boyfriend was one of my roommates, and acted like she lived there despite not paying rent, not helping clean, and always leaving her crap everywhere. It was really bad; I found bags of rotting, melting veggies on two separate occasions. She would leave her dirty laundry and half-eaten food everywhere, and she would walk around naked because two of three roommates were girls so she thought it was fine.
We all confronted her about it, and she would feel terrible and try to fix herself for a week before reverting back. After being given too many chances to count, she started lashing out at me and the other roommate, calling us unappreciative of her efforts. Her boyfriend was depressed and desperate so he gave up trying to talk to her.
After the lease ended, I started renting my own one-bedroom. Last I heard, she was still piggybacking on my other roommate and the boyfriend. Our other roommate is waiting for their current lease to end so she can find a one-bedroom like I did."