>>> "My brother to my mother, at my father's funeral: 'I wish it was you that died.' Mother to brother: 'Me too.'"--
>>> "My uncle Rich passed away really unexpectedly. His dad had really bad Alzheimer's. At the viewing, his dad asked, 'When is Rich getting here?' That tore me apart."--
>>> "At my grandpa's funeral, random women came up to my grandma and excitedly welcomed her into the 'Widow's Club.' This happened while everyone was saying their goodbyes before the burial and she was very emotional."--
>>> "'His pain is more important than yours.' Sorry, we're not in a contest here. I just buried my mom, I have other preoccupation than my grandfather's grief and how it's more important than mine."--
>>> "My mom died at a pretty young age. She was 36. I had just turned 18 a few months before she died (they had kids young back then). I remember at her funeral my grandmother (her mom) told my dad he would meet someone else and move on. She was literally less than 8 feet from my mom's dead body."--
>>> "My maternal grandfather died when I was less than two years old. I have no memories of him. My grandmother, who had divorced him 30 years earlier, had made friends with a guy her age and was dating him (or trying to, I don't know). I was always made aware that he wasn't my biological grandfather, but he was so good to me and we visited him often enough that I still considered him my grandpa. At his funeral, I was 7 or 8, and I was devastated but not surprised. He'd had cancer for a long time and he was ancient in my child mind. I was crying. My mom turns to me and quietly says, 'I don't know why you're so sad, he wasn't your real grandpa. He was a nice guy but he was just a friend of gramma's.' For years, gramma would sign her Christmas and birthday cards to me with 'love from gramma and papa [name]'. Eventually, mom got mad and yelled at her about it, and was still really salty her mom had moved on."--
>>> "When my husband unexpectedly and tragically lost his mother, his paternal grandfather approached him at the funeral to ask how he was doing. My husband said something along the lines of, 'I just feel so overwhelmed, I can't even cry right now.' And his grandfather piped right up and said, 'Good, you do that at home by yourself. Men keep it together in public.'"--
>>> "At my dad's funeral last year, one of the priests started out saying my dad was an excellent community man and would be sorely missed, then went off the rails telling everyone that not even my dad was guaranteed a place in heaven and we would all need to keep praying for his soul. I wanted to punch him so hard."
>>> "One of my good friends killed himself a few years back. He wasn't religious. At all. One kid who was a few grades above us and one of those reborn Christian types decided he would speak at the funeral (the parents of my friend asked that instead of a eulogy, they'd have all his loved ones share some memories). So, this kid goes up to the podium and goes on a long-winded rant about religion and how this loss of life wasn't fair. Then he openly pondered whether my friend was in Hell or not, because suicide is a sin. Nobody stopped him, though. We were all kind of sitting there with our mouths open waiting for him to stop. I'll never forget that."--
>>> "The worst was when a member of the deceased's family stood up during the long-winded preacher's seemingly endless sermon and asked him to 'please stop talking' (because they'd be late arriving for the restaurant reception following the service)."--
>>> "The priest said the completely wrong name at my mothers funeral within the first 5 mins. Then he said it wrong again. It was at this point my brother stood up and yelled at the priest in a packed funeral. No one in my family steps foot in that church anymore."--
>>> "One of my uncles passed away suddenly recently. The preacher at the service was fairly awful. He started going into like graphic details of the events of his passing like, 'I can't imagine what it must have been like for his wife as he lay on the side of the road dying and she was waiting for the ambulance.' At the time I didn't even know all the details of what went down that ended him up in the hospital, but Jesus Christ, you've got a mourning widow and you're gonna make her relive the worst moment of her life at the funeral?"
>>> "The day before my aunt's funeral. She died on her 30th birthday and passed from cancer. The whole family was together at the funeral home and decided to sing happy birthday. At the end of the song, my father, who would never try to do anything offensive to anyone in the world said 'And many more!' Then realizing what he said started to cry. He has never said it at anyone's birthday ever since. This was 18 years ago."--
>>> "I have a relative who got up and instead of eulogizing my grandmother, tearfully admitted he took all of her painkillers that eased her suffering three days before she died of cancer. One, that's messed up. Two, thanks for making it about you, you dumb narcissistic piece of garbage."--
>>> "'Don't worry, you'll be with him soon' - my sister to my grandma at my grandad's funeral. My grandma was crying, me and my family aren't openly emotional people so I still give her credit for trying."
>>> "My grandmother and my great aunt were super close; they did everything together. My great aunt died in a fairly routine surgery, and it was sort of the first look we got at my grandmother's debilitating dementia. Like somehow her sister and law kept her grounded, but with her dead, my grandmother went totally off the deep end. More or less immediately. At the wake, she constantly complained about how bored she was, and about how my great aunt was so fat she had it coming (debatable). Eventually, she kicked off her shoes and sang and danced around the funeral home, saying we were being no fun. She gave everyone who came to pay their respects a hard time, the worst of which was some little old man I'd never seen before. She was like 'Are you the one whose sled I stole when we were kids and you went running home crying to your mommy?' She wasn't joking, she was being a jerk, and yes, it was him, that poor old man. Eventually we took shifts taking her outside to smoke so she wouldn't disrupt things further. She lived on her own for a few months before it was obvious she needed constant care, and she went off to a nursing home, where she died less than a year after her lifelong friend."--
>>> "My three sisters and I were sitting waiting for our dad's funeral to start. My uncle (mom's side) came up to us, trying to make small talk, and then said, 'Oh c'mon! Lighten up! I've never seen you girls so down.' What the heck dude? We're at our dad's funeral. He just died in his mid-40s, unexpectedly. What do you expect us to be like? Also, my aunt came up to me and yelled at me for calling her obnoxious during his visitation while I was next to his urn. She made a huge scene and it was horrible."--
>>> "My grandma died before my grandpa. Since my grandpa was a Navy veteran (WWII and Pearl Harbor survivor), he got a free plot in a military cemetery. At this cemetery, they stack married couples one on top of the other. So, we are at the cemetery, and they are lowering my grandma down, and my grandpa asks, ' So, if I had died first, they would have put me in first and put her on top of me?' The cemetery worker said, 'Yep.' My grandpa responded, 'Huh, we never tried it that way before.'"--
>>> "This was right after my grandpa's funeral. This was my mom's father, and he had been very well-loved. After the service, my mom remarked about how she really enjoyed the priest's eulogy. My dad replied, 'He probably says the same thing about everyone.'"
>>> "At your next husband's funeral can you get better food and maybe a bigger tab on the bar?"--
>>> "My father's phone was ringing during the middle of a eulogy. His ringtone is the stabby music from psycho. I was sitting right next to him doing the best I could to sink through the pew I was sitting in."--
>>> "'My father was married four times. I believe the two that he honestly loved the most were the first, my mother, and the last, his widow.' This was said by my uncle, with all three of his deceased father's ex-wives in the audience."--
>>> "My paternal grandpa was kind of a scumbag. He talked constant crap about my mom, who'd done absolutely nothing to him, treated me and my sister like crap as kids, at one point telling 8-year-old me that I'd 'grow up to be a Godless heathen just like your mother.' As soon as I hit puberty he spent any time I was around starring at my chest. He tried to grope me once and I slapped him, which he just used to talk more crap about me. I hated the old bastard, and death did nothing to change that. I do love my dad though, so I agreed to go to the viewing for him. I ended up just sticking with my dad's girlfriend and my sister, who also were not a fan of this guy. My sister refused to go even look at the body, obviously still angry with him, but I ended up going up with dad's girlfriend. Apparently, she had a bit of a history with him as well because she leaned over the body when nobody else was paying attention and whispered with as much vitriol as a person can muster while smiling 'Good riddance you nasty old bastard.' I started laughing. I ended up passing it off as weird grief emotions and had to excuse myself to the car."--
>>> "My cousin, who is like 15 at the time, gets up and makes a beautiful eulogy about grandma that couldn't be any sweeter. My estranged aunt had come to the funeral and in the middle of the eulogy of this 15-year-old girl loudly says, 'Am I in the right place? She surely isn't talking about my mom.' It didn't go over well."
>>> "At my great uncle's funeral some distant family member who was the pastor at some church made the weirdest comment. He said that he was in a better place especially since he was buried because when Armageddon comes the dead will rise up to form Jesus's army. Those who are cremated or prepared in another fashion would not be able to help in the war against the devil."--
>>> "At my grandfather's funeral, the pastor at the church my grandfather (and most of our family) went to was presiding over it, and during her speech let out some commentary about how my grandfather was 'a real father, not like all the baby daddies of this current generation, running around from woman to woman, doing what they please.' We got what she was trying to say, and while it was true, there are many, many better ways to word a sentiment like that. My parents were rightfully furious."--
>>> "My friend Jeff's dad had passed. At the wake, I met Jeff's grandparents who were standing beside the open casket. I was very awkward and nervous and didn't really know what to say to them. I wanted to explain that I was the friend of their son's son, but instead, out comes, 'Hi, I'm Jeff's dad.' As in, hi, I'm the guy in the casket."--
>>> "'Look, I'm picking her nose.' My cousin, sticking finger up nostril of dead great aunt's corpse."--
>>> "The wife of the cousin of the deceased's mother said that the coffee served was not hot enough, and threw a tantrum about it."--
>>> "My bar buddy's wife committed suicide a few months ago. Even though I never met her, I still went to the memorial. Everyone from our bar group went, too. One of the guys brought this woman that he had been sort of seeing for a few weeks. She was going through a divorce and was a total addict. Pretty much a hot mess. Anyways, she was sitting in one of the pews while the guy she was seeing was working the music and presentation in the back. I was standing right next to him. As soon as the memorial was over, she quickly walks back to him and says, 'When are we leaving? I need a drink.' I couldn't believe how this woman so new to the group would carelessly say something like that. I never talked to her again."--
>>> "My friend is basically a Halloween enthusiast sort of person and consequently her kids knew all about various monsters from a young age. Anyway, she took her young daughter to an open-casket funeral and, midway through the service, the kid loudly said, 'Mommy, Mommy, when's the vampire going to wake up?'"--
>>> "I was speaking at my uncle's funeral and I was 15. I was talking about all the things my uncle did, and I thanked him for teaching me how to drive when I was 11. Basically, he would get completely trashed and have me drive him home at the end of the night."--
>>> "Apparently it's pretty common at Southern funerals for the pastor to spend a little time during the eulogy inviting attendees from other churches to come to the deceased's church instead. So. Freaking. Inappropriate. Hawk your business somewhere else."--
>>> "My father told the father of a childhood friend who killed herself, 'Better you than me.' He has chronic foot-in-mouth disease."--
>>> "My dad's cousin died recently of an overdose. Now, she was the human equivalent of a dumpster fire filled with human hair, so the funeral arrangements reflected that. They buried her in a Harley Davidson T-Shirt, her daughter showed up in short shorts, and my cousin was drinking a 40oz during the eulogy. Well, during the eulogy, the pastor noted that my deceased family member was struggling with faith, and reminded us that her actions may have sent her to Hell. Then her daughter went up to speak and asked us for money to pay bills, and implied that my dad and I (as well as other members of my family) thought we were 'too good' to be around our family. Needless to say, it was a very classy affair."--
>>> "Widow: 'It's very important for me that you could make it here.' Deceased's friend: 'It's been a pleasure.' Silence."--
>>> "My dad's a minister, and since he and my mum had divorced, he would often bring me along for work that happened outside of school hours so he didn't have to pay a babysitter. He would bring me to funerals and weddings he was officiating. I would usually just hang out in the back and play. One day he brought me to a funeral parlor I wasn't familiar with and at some point during the service I had to pee. There wasn't anyone around to ask, so I just kind of wandered out into the service and asked my dad where the bathroom was because I had to pee 'real bad.' In addition to disrupting a funeral service, I also asked right my question right into the microphone on his jacket so the whole congregation heard. Didn't really understand what I had done for another few years."--
>>> "At my granma's funeral my dad was giving a eulogy when he stopped and sneezed - but naturally turned his head away from the crowd and sneezed right on granny's coffin. He says 'sorry mom' and then carries on regardless."--
>>> "Didn't know my dad's family. At the cemetery, they're all off by themselves while we wait for the hearse with the ashes to show up. I walk over and say, 'It's now 1:05 p.m. My father is late for his own funeral.' No one said anything, they just moved slowly away..."--
>>> "My cousins' grandfather died. One of the cousins was too young to really know what was going on, other than grandpa was gone. Some of the older cousins were messing with him, telling him some interesting tales. After the ceremony, when they were wheeling the casket out of the church, out of the silence the kid says, 'Is this where they take him out back and shoot him?' They almost needed another funeral for me. I couldn't breathe for 15 minutes."--
>>> "The reverend at my grandfather's funeral kept flipping between two names for my grandfather, neither of which were correct. It was a long speech, mainly about how close he was with my grandparents..."
>>> "My mom called me in the middle of the night and told me, 'Grandma died. Can you come home?' I was in the Army at the time in North Carolina and went through the channels to get emergency leave. I drove straight into Texas the next day. I hadn't stopped to rest and kept going right to my grandmother's hometown funeral parlor. When I arrived, my mom met me at the door and asked if I'd like to go see grandma. So, my mom and I went into the viewing room and I took a look into the casket. I said, 'Oh, crap...that's not the grandma I thought had died!!!!' My mom look bewildered at first, but began to laugh after a few seconds as the truth of the situation hit her. I had two grandmothers, one was sweet and kind while the other was a terror from a nightmare. In my haste, I had assumed my favorite grandmother had passed away instead of the evil one. I'm just glad none of my other family heard me say what I said."
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