"I dated this girl for over a year because I just couldn't figure out how to get rid of her. She was insanely jealous and any discussion of my unhappiness in our relationship just brought accusations of cheating. This inevitably led to punching and kicking. I never really felt like I could fight back. Any action to defend myself would probably have ended with me getting arrested. She was much smaller than me, so police would most likely take her side. I was trapped.
Eventually, her father came to visit. The first time he and I were alone together, he immediately asked if I was okay. He said he knew how she could be. This confused me at first, I barely knew him and didn't know if I could trust him. I just told him everything was fine (it had been for a few weeks). He stayed a few days and by the end of his visit, I could see he was just a cool dude who knew his daughter had issues.
A couple months later I reached my breaking point. I was miserable - I just wanted her out of my life. I looked in her address book for his number and called. I told him I couldn't take it anymore and was trapped unless I defended myself with physical force. He sighed and said 'Can you hang on until Thursday?' He told me he'd make the 8-hour drive to my house if I could wait a few days.
On Thursday afternoon we were standing in the kitchen when there was a knock on the door. She answered, surprised to see her dad.
'What are you doing here dad?'
He just shrugged and stared at me. I blurted it out.
'I'm breaking up with you! We're done!'
She charged at me with clenched fists, but he was ready. He grabbed her from behind and put her in a full Nelson hold. She was dragged like this across my driveway and thrown into the backseat of his car. The last time I saw her she was trying to kick out his rear window as he drove away.
There's a good possibility I may owe my life to that dude. I feel really bad for him. She was otherwise a wonderful person, but if she lost her temper, look out. Hopefully, she found help."
"I was in a physically abusive relationship with someone who turned out to be a substance abuser. One night my ex decided I was too loud in the kitchen and decided attempting to break my nose was the answer to that problem. Then the cops were called because I went and sat in the garage in an attempt to de-escalate the situation and get my bleeding under control. Cops showed up, found me at the end of the blood trail and had to arrest my ex.
DCFS showed up the next morning (because my infant son was in the house when this occurred) and absolutely grilled me. You see, I was at fault for not leaving when my ex became agitated. This resulted in me having a black mark with the agency.
I was working as an EMT at the time and had school lined up with the end goal of becoming a firefighter. When my boss found out what had happened and the resulting DCFS 'investigation,' I was informed that I could no longer be employed by their agency and wouldn't be eligible for five years. Then my boss was brutally honest and told me that I'd likely not be employable in the medical field again.
So, my ex beat the crap out of me, I was blamed for it, lost my job, and told that my dreams of becoming a firefighter were very unlikely.
But I'm a dude who was abused by a woman, so no one gives a crap. In fact, many people think it's funny - the cops sure did that night."
"She gently and quietly shook me awake at 3 am.
As my eyes slowly opened they were greeted with a full blast of pepper spray.
I threw her off of me and stumbled to the bathroom. I stood under the shower with my eyelids held open until dawn.
This was the straw that broke the camel's back, as the saying goes. The culmination of 6 years of progressively worse abuse, I knew at that moment if I didn't do something I would end up dead or in prison. I tried to make it work but her mental issues were progressing, she claimed that night that I was dreaming of being with another woman. Was I talking in my sleep? Nope. She could tell by the look on my sleeping face.
I was moved out by noon that day - never looked back. There was nothing I could do to help her as I was the 'enemy' in her mind. I still remember feeling defeated as I loaded a u-haul truck, I felt like I was giving up on something I could correct; it took quite some time to realize there was nothing I could do."
"I let her leave, taking the risk that she might try to hurt herself in retaliation. She'd use breaking up (and veiled threats of subsequent suicide) as a tool to guilt and control me. She drove all my friends away. I wasn't even talking to my roommate hardly, a man I consider my brother and quite possibly my closest friend and who lived in the next room. Constant belittling of my friends, extending to harassment in the case of female friends. Did the hot and cold thing, one minute praising me like I hung the moon, the next minute accusing me of being a cheater or of wanting to cheat.
When she started trying to weasel her way in between me and my nuclear family, I knew I had to take the chance that she might hurt herself to get back at me after breaking up. I woke up one morning to screamed accusations of cheating and threats to leave and put herself out of her misery, and I just sort of raised my head off my pillow and mumbled 'Alright, I'll drive you to your parents' house in a bit.'
She was shocked. I knew immediately that I'd made the right decision because she looked like a kid whose sandcastle had just been kicked over. I'd just left the job we both worked at (obviously, she had to keep the leash tight) and I heard from a couple people there who actually knew me firsthand that she did indeed attempt. I never found out the method, I wasn't interested in hearing details.
After recovering, she proceeded to talk about how horrible I'd been to her, confirming every asinine grapevine rumor she could. Nevermind the fact that I rarely had more than 20 minutes out of her sight at a time. A few of my female coworkers put in for transfers since she blamed them as cohorts of my infidelity and they instantly became personas non grata. I spent a good couple weeks blocking the death threats and hate messages from jealous exes and new suitors (don't ever try to get her back, blah blah blah).
I didn't care, at that point. I had honestly been pushed to the point that I had to cut the toxicity out of my life, even if it'd cost her hers. I haven't dated in the years since. Just the knowledge that I was pushed to the point of not caring if a woman killed herself bothers me. I know I'm not responsible and that she's sick, but I'd rather never do anything like that again."
MR. Nattanon Kanchak/Shutterstock
"My sister's partner was abused by his girlfriend for 10 years, the only reason he left was because two of his friends literally took him to save his life quite truly. She nearly killed him twice, once by breaking a marble chopping board on his head. She also tried to castrate him with a knife but he was so scared of leaving the house he sewed it up with fishing line.
His friends took him out to the country and while he didn't get over it, he realized he could survive on his own.
He has a PTSD, depression and his epilepsy had got worse over the years since probably because of the head injuries he sustained from her. We've been slowly supporting him to break the conditioning she left him with - he will apologize for anything even if it isn't his doing. He has improved over the years I've known him and he has supported my sister greatly after she lost her husband. She cherishes him for his utter selflessness, loving nature and the joy he takes in being loved without cruelty."
"After ten years, I started setting and holding boundaries and gave myself a bottom line for what kind of treatment I would and would not accept, largely thanks to advice from my therapist and some really good friends.
She started sensing that she no longer had control over me and made a big show about moving out to try and get me back under her thumb.
I just continued holding my boundaries and bottom line, which further enraged her. She caused a huge dramatic scene by coming over in the middle of the night demanding to take the dog.
I changed the locks, the garage code, the Netflix password, kicked her off the Google Play family plan, made a therapy appointment and scheduled a meeting with a lawyer to get my options.
Armed with this new information I told her I was done and that she could lawyer up if she wanted to, but that I was willing to pay as much as it took to make sure I was out.
That was a month ago and I've never felt better."
"When we were together she'd pinch me and tell me to stop saying stupid things basically whenever we'd go anywhere in public. Her feminazi friends were like 'Haha, you've really got him trained,' etc.
Intimacy was rare. She started acting this way a couple months after we had our first kid - something snapped. I was really devoted and helpful during the pregnancy, I was her birth coach, but once our son was born, she just turned mean.
The way she dumped me was awful. Seriously, who says 'I want a divorce' on Christmas day?!
After the separation, I was inches away from homelessness for about a year before finally getting my stuff together. It was hard to see my kid anywhere but at my mom's house. She pulled some crap like 'You can't see him at your mom's, only your own place' and the state agreed. Then when I finally had my own place she was like 'You're confusing him having him over because you haven't had your own home for a year, it's best you don't see much of him.'
I had to fight tooth and nail for visitation.
She told literally every daycare provider, teacher and medical professional that I was uninvolved in his life and that the cops had yanked me out of the home because I was abusive. The thing is, people hear that and everyone always believes it. Always. Everyone wants to protect the poor, defenseless woman who survived abuse. It's ingrained in us, so it's a great opportunity for sociopaths or just flat out bullies to exploit.
It's annoying to me because my little sister actually escaped a legitimately abusive situation. When women pull that 'I was abused let me tell you all about it' BS to anyone who will listen (pro-tip: victims of abuse typically don't share that everywhere), it reminds me of stolen valor.
I never told my kid what a horrible woman his mom was, I always took the high road and just focused on being a daddy, but I was really messed up from all of it and was turning into a weird mean misogynist type, so I just withdrew into myself.
I met a fantastic woman about 10 years ago, we got married about 7 years ago and had two kids. My first born moved in with us. I became a better man, re-entered society, got a great six figure job and bought a house.
My ex-wife never got a decent job after the divorce. She just lived on my child support and about $1200 a month over a false disability claim. She said she's agoraphobic but then she sings karaoke and does poetry slams all the time, it's BS.
I was paying $600 a month in support, so when our kid turned 18 and moved in with me, she lost part of her disability (roughly $400) and all of my support.
She's living on a measly $800 something a month.
When I moved into our new home I was packing up the office. I gathered all the papers for the 15 years of struggle to be a father: all the support enforcement threats, all the false allegations of abuse from psychiatrists who never met me, all the passive aggressive notes from vice principals who hated me, all of it - all of her power over me.
I threw it in a dumpster and her power over me ended with a low, deep thud of the dumpster lid closing. We're both 44, I have a home, an awesome job, a fantastic wife, and 3 great boys including my first born. She has recurring eviction notices and red envelopes from the electric company. So yeah, I'm over it. Getting dumped on Christmas was both the worst and the best thing to ever happen to me."
"She broke into my house and attempted to steal my dogs, smashing a bunch of family heirlooms.
Cops were called, and since her mailing address was still at my residence, they couldn't compel her to leave and it wasn't technically breaking and entering.
The cop had his flood light on us, and she (like many times before) lost it and began punching me in the face. They then gave me an order of no trespass barring her for one year's time, since she committed assault against me. This is how I 'lucked out,' because no matter how many times I told her to leave, nor the fact we broke up stopped her from showing up at all hours of the night/whenever she wanted to, to start yelling and physically attacking me.
She broke in through a window because I had managed to get the house key from her (well, she threw it into the lawn in the middle of the night and I luckily found it the next day). She was triggered when she found out I was at the bar with friends, so she started calling me, saying she was in the house and smashing my great great grandmother's steins from Germany and taking my two dogs. My group of friends and I left the bar and called the cops on our way back, who were already there when we arrived.
As far as the abuse went, it was both mental and physical. A few times stand out; chasing my car through my neighborhood with self-inflicted razor blade cuts down her leg. Uncontrollably punching me in the face, and my only recourse was to put her in a 'straight jacket' hold I learned in an applied non-violence class for work and keep her in it for about 45 minutes. She'd abuse the dogs by yanking them by their fur (poodle mixes, both happy and healthy still). She also threatened to harm herself if I ever called cops on her."
"I was with a substance abusing girlfriend for several years. We met in high school, she had a rocking body so it definitely helped keep me hooked on her. She would drink nearly every weekend, like Friday to Sunday nonstop and would start really stupid arguments with me over my choice of friends, music, food, clothing, tv shows, video game preference - you name it. Then once the argument was in full swing she would throw stuff, kick me, bite me, punch me, break things at our house, storm out and go walking through the streets at 2 am wasted, and then come home barefoot and freezing at 5 am.
I somehow was the sap that always forgave her, with a cut on my forearm and gash on my forehead I would take her back after she apologized. We talked about getting her help with her anger when drinking or to stop drinking altogether, she didn't want anything to do with it. This wasn't like every single week, more episodic and bi-monthly if anything, so it was hard to fault the good parts with the bad.
Then one night she got wasted, broke some glass and cut herself. I tried to stop her from leaving in the middle of the night in December. She struggled with me and was either trying to hit me or push me really hard but I grabbed both of her arms as hard as I could and held her down, to which she kicked and bit me and got free. She took off running down the street at 1:30 am in 22-degree weather. Police picked her up about an hour later sitting near a crosswalk shivering in pajamas and bleeding from her feet and hands and crying. Oh, and she had bruises on her wrists from me grabbing her arms to stop her. Police knock on my door, immediately handcuff me and read me my rights. She had told them this BS story about how we were drinking together, I then tried to be intimate with her and she said no, so she tried to leave and that's when I grabbed her and broke the glass tackling her or something. UNREAL. I went to jail that night, lawyered up, paid my bail and as soon as I got my belongings back, I have a text from her saying: 'Oh my god, I am so sorry about last night, are you okay?'
Needless to say, my reply was quick, to the point, and very direct. I never saw her again; I actually packed her crap in my truck that day and dropped it off in her parents' driveway. Through the courts I was vindicated as she gave 4 different accounts of what happened to different officers, they all noted that she was heavily intoxicated in their reports and she failed to do any follow-up interviews with detectives."
"I worked with a guy who had a psychopathic wife. She emotionally manipulated and abused him for years. I saw it first-hand when she made a scene at the work Christmas party. She turned the water works on and off just like that when she thought no one was looking. He started to stand up for himself and told me he was thinking about leaving.
One morning he came in with stitches and said after an argument they went to bed and she cracked him on the head with a frying pan while he slept. She threatened to make false accusations to the police about him. The straw that broke the camel's back was her running around the house trying to stab him with a kitchen knife. He emptied a load of cash out of his accounts, packed a bag, sold his car and I drove him to the airport. I know where he is (out of the country), she doesn't. She is hunting for him to get money out of him and divorce him. Sounds like it's okay for him out there. He works for cash doing a few different jobs and says staying wasted is quite cheap."
"I had a girlfriend once that hid her crazy well for a while, but I started to see the signs. Like if I didn't text back right away she would get angry and possessive; she was always wondering where I was, who I was with, etc. She insisted I see her every night or I must be mad at her and would apologize for whatever she did to make me mad. I was in school full time and working full time to pay for it, so I did not have a lot of free time but that didn't matter.
It got to the point where she was threatening to commit suicide if I didn't text her back, even while I was at work. So I did what I thought was best and told her we were done. I totally cut contact with her after that, cold turkey. I make it my purpose to never go near where she lived or where she worked, I blocked her on social media - no contact. I felt like a total jerk, but there was no letting this girl off easy without a serious storm.
She would have all day conversations with herself through text without me saying a word. Beginning with 'Please don't leave me' yadda, yadda, then she would get angry and send full page texts cussing me out and 'I'm the best you'll ever have,' then 'Sorry I was yelling, I just love you so much,' then 'If you don't text me back I am going to kill myself,' then 'I'm sorry for saying that.' This happened every day for a month.
I felt terrible for her but I knew that if I texted back even once she would win. I would call her friends to tell them she needed their help, and I almost called the police a few times to check on her - but it was all a ploy for me to respond to her, she would never go through with it. I ended up contacting a friend of mine who was a cop for advice, and he said to change my phone number and forget about it. So that's what I had to do.
I found out a few years later that she had to move back in with her parents because she was self-harming (she was doing this long before I showed up) and couldn't hold down her job (fourth in a year). She made me feel like a real piece of crap the entire time and responsible somehow for her issues, but another part of me knows if it hadn't been me, it would have been someone else."
"My now ex-girlfriend was pretty abusive both verbally and emotionally at first. She would yell at me for things like holding her hand or not, but eventually, it got to the point where she started to hit me. The worst part was she emotionally beat me down until I tried to take my own life, and afterward kept telling me she was the only one there for me. She would tell me I couldn't push her away because I'd have no one else.
It ended after we fought and she punched me because I didn't kiss her. I stood up to her and we broke up. She ended up leaving me in the city and told me to 'find my own way home.'
Well, I did, and now we don't talk."
"My ex was a 'fighter.' In other words, her emotional response to pretty much anything was to get angry and pick an argument. All of the following happened, some several times: had a bad day at work, pick a fight about dinner. Flight was delayed, here comes an argument over text. Didn't like the music playing in the gym, started an argument with me. Let that sink in - she didn't like the music in a public place, so she dragged me into an argument. She loved to debate and would pick apart not just every word I said but the inflection in every word. The arguments could be about anything - she was a master at finding a single minor detail and then picking at the edges of it until she worked herself into a rage and blew up.
She was extremely intelligent (book smart) and extremely egotistical about her intelligence. I'm a published author and she tried to correct me on a word usage in a text message one time. I wasn't going to back down on that one, though, and I politely told her I was right. When it escalated and she insisted she was right I finally sent her the Dictionary.com definition that showed I was right. She was furious and called me, yelled for awhile and hung up on me, all because she couldn't let me be right about a pointless text message.
It finally got too much when I was having anxiety attacks and developing hand tremors. I was trying to think all the way through conversations before they happened so that I wouldn't say anything to set her off. It was like a switch flipping when it went. One minute I was groveling and trying to talk my way out of another argument, the next I just calmly said, 'Enough is enough. I can't do this anymore,' and hung up the phone. Haven't spoken to her since."
"My ex and I were together for a total of 6 1/2 years. Through that time, she did nothing but complain about how I never do anything to make her life easier, even though I worked my butt off at my job, at school, trying to help her with her school, her job, keeping her house up, etc. She would put me down any chance she got. Talking crap about my family on a regular basis, telling me my hobbies were outdated and no one would respect me with them. My music, taste in movies, my friends, even my dreams - they were all trash to her. I told her about my career choice of training to be a police officer and she just put me down telling me I would never make it. Told her I wanted to move out of state to Arizona and she called me 'an effing moron' because I wanted to be closer to my family and I love the desert. I started to shun my family and friends because I was just scared of the arguments. She pushed me to the point where I just stopped doing anything that made me happy. I started showing signs of depression and she would just tell me I had no reason to be depressed. She started to threaten me with a break up every chance that she got, play mind games with me and then, for no reason at all, give me the silent treatment for days. There was no hand holding, no kissing, no hugs, especially if we were out in public.
One day she started an argument and 'jokingly' asked when I would move out. I told her by the end of the week. There it is. I finally realized what was going on. My friend took me in and I immediately up and left. She got angry at me for it (like everything else), and I just said screw it and changed my phone number.
Since then I have gotten incredibly close to one of my good friends and she now wants to go out on a date with me. We have a lot in common and her family loves me. She makes me feel wanted and appreciated."
"She locked herself in a bathroom Christmas morning with a chef's knife and threatened to kill herself, so I involved the police because she sounded serious. They show up, pull her out of the bathroom, and take her outside for questioning. By this point, she'd destroyed thousands worth of personal effects and the damage was evident all over my house, including a shattered window where she threw a skateboard wheel at my head. I'm covered in scratches, cuts and bruises. The only mark she had on her is from when she ran into the corner of a wall at full force trying to get to me.
Police arrested me in my house. I didn't engage in any of the violence and destruction of property. I didn't even raise my voice at her.
I spent Christmas in a jail cell. After the ensuing court fiasco, I didn't and couldn't see her again. She came and got her crap out of my house while I was at work a few days later."
"I got married 18 months ago, and I regret it every day of my life. We were together for about 4 years and then got married. Since we got married, she's gotten 100 times worse and I hate it.
My wife doesn't physically abuse me, but she treats me like crap and fights with me ALL the time about total BS.
A week ago, she pushed me so hard that I actually yelled at her. I've never yelled at a person in my life. I'm a soft, warm-natured person, and I absolutely hate conflict, but she pushed and pushed and pushed and yelled until I just snapped.
I cannot begin to describe how hard I need to be pushed to get to that point, and how absolutely broken I've been since then because of it.
Marriage is the biggest mistake I ever made, and I regret it every single day.
All that being said, I'm a Christian, and I don't believe in divorce. But I'm very very quickly becoming a Christian that believes 'I don't give a crap if I don't believe in divorce - nobody on earth has the right to treat me like this.'
My wife has been so horrible to me, and I just feel so trapped."
"Gaslighting was my ex-significant other's weapon of choice. Trickle-truthing was also something she did a lot.
What she also did was extreme yo-yo'ing where she would give me a strong impression she had no interest in me and was happier without me, then reel me in by sending me snaps that related back to 'the happy times' to mess with my head. When I would try to get clarity on her actions she would revert to her original persona of harsh disinterest. Then repeat the process.
I think the worst is when I would spill my guts out trying to explain how her behavior was negatively affecting me and I would get ZERO empathy from her. But if I did anything of minor slight she would go into self-martyrdom and convince me I was the one being abusive. Top that with her substance abuse, it was truly a nightmare.
I'm the villain according to her friends and family, of course, they probably only know the information that supports her image."
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