Sometimes, relationships end nicely. But often, they end in fire and brimstone. Sometimes they end in the ultimate betrayal, knowing that the person you loved has broken your trust and strayed. On behalf of anyone who has been scorned, these writers share their ultimate revenge on a cheating spouse. Please note some stories have been edited for clarity.

Her Car Is Gone
Her Car Is Gone

"It wasn't me or my spouse cheating. It was me helping my neighbor Vin catch/get revenge on his cheating wife Kat.

Kat had told Vin that she was going to the gym than out for coffee with her gym friends. Vin had suspicions she was cheating so he waited a while after she left than he drove to the gym to see if she was there. Sure enough, her car wasn't there. He knew where to find her. She would be at Fred's house. Fred was a friend of a friend.

Sure enough, her car is at Fred's house. Vin was heartbroken and angry. He pulled away. He called me and told me to get dressed as he needs a ride somewhere. He leaves his car, gets in mine, and we drive to Fred's. He gets out of my car and takes Kat's car! Oh my God. I was dying. He drove home. Parked her car in the driveway and waited for the call. That was AMAZING revenge/thinking on his part.

Four hours later, Kat calls him crying that her car was stolen from the gym parking lot. He very calmly replies, 'That's strange! I'm looking out the window, and your car is in the driveway. And that is a mighty long workout. Shouldn't you be having coffee with your friends now?'

He hung up.

Busted!

Fred dropped her at the corner and she cried for forgiveness. Vin told her to get out. She left for about a couple of weeks and BEGGED him to take her back. He did. They moved out of state and I lost touch."

He Wasn't Playing Hide And Seek
He Wasn't Playing Hide And Seek

"My ex-wife.

She and I started dating in 4th grade when we were all but 10 years old, but our relationship stayed strong throughout middle school and high school. We got married right after we graduated from high school and I mean right after we graduated in June and got married in July.

Everything is great for us– we both got accepted into a very well known state college, she pursued her dreams to become an Architect, and I went for my Criminal Justice degree. After we graduate, she lands her dream job and I started my career in Law Enforcement. All goes well until she started going on Business Trips with her boss (he was twice her age– she was 27, he was 46) when it wasn’t in her job to 'sell' the designs, but to draw up the designs.

I had never been a jealous man and I trusted my wife. After all, we had been together for going on 19 years with so much as a hiccup until one night after my wife gets a phone call from her boss. After she gets off the phone, she’s in tears and I ask her what’s wrong. She says those four words everybody dreads: 'we need to talk.'

She then proceeds to tell me on her last trip with her boss after they sold a multiple million dollar design he took her out to dinner to celebrate, he ordered lots of drinks and insisted she celebrate with him. With my wife and I not being drinkers combined with the fact that she’s 5'2' 110lbs soaking wet, she has a very low tolerance. She said once they got back to the hotel one thing led to another and they ended up having intimate relations.

She bawled and told me it just happened and part of her wanted it to happen but didn’t want it to happen, but the drinks lowered her guard and she felt horrible afterwards. Blah blah blah.

Again, being with her for 19 years and wanting to believe her and that he took advantage, I forgave her as she promised she wouldn’t let it happen again. She said she just told her boss that she would no longer be going on these trips with him. He yelled at her, which is what started her crying in the first place.

So, we move on and not even a year and half later, my youngest daughter was just born. We’re all happy or, so I thought. I was moved to the night shift, so she was home alone at night with two young girls, so I made it a habit of driving by the house and if the house was dark I would simply keep on driving, but if I saw any lights on it told me she was up and I would go in but not every time.

One night, I was doing my routine patrol of the neighborhood and I turn down my street and notice the hallway light upstairs was on as well as the bedroom. I needed to take a leak anyways, so I stopped in and didn’t announce myself as I didn’t want to wake my girls. Our floors creaked really loud, so I went up them slowly. They still creaked, but not nearly as loud.

As I got to the top of the stairs, I heard noises– moaning and grunting that in all seriousness sounded like a pig eating. I knew right away that it was, so I simply opened the door and guess who I saw laying undressed in my bed?

Yep. Her Boss. The one she told me she would stop seeing in all his glory with my partner of 19 years on top of him. They just froze in mid thrust and too shocked to even say anything or even move to try to cover themselves with me standing there.

The Boss finally throws her off of him and jumps up. He attempts to run out, but I’m pretty much blocking the whole doorway. He starts begging me not to shoot him because he has a wife and three kids at home. I didn’t say a word to either of them. I just went to my daughters' room, packed a bag for both of them, picked them both up, and walked out of the house without saying a word.

My wife, who now in a robe, is following me cry-screaming begging me not to take them and that she’s sorry, she didn’t know what she was doing. I just ignored her, packed the kids in the car, and drove to my mom’s house. My boss was kind enough to let me have the rest of the night off after I explained what just happened.

As it turned out by info given to me by my 3-year-old, Uncle Robby was spending the night often and if I happened to come home on nights they were there, he would either run and hide in the basement or in the hall closet knowing I wouldn’t have any reason to go to them. They told my eldest he was playing hide-and-seek with me so not to tell me where Uncle Robby was hiding. Apparently on those nights, he would tell his wife he had to go many hours away for a business dinner and would just get a hotel room and be back the next morning. It also turned out over half of those 'trips' my wife took with him were actually not for work, but for them to be alone either in hotel rooms or go on road trips.

I ended up filing for Divorce the next day. Her wickedness came through during the process– it was something I had never seen in her before. She was claiming I abused her, I drank to excess, popped pills and a bunch of other stuff that her attorney had told her to say. However, I had a good attorney myself who was about to rebuttal everything she accused me with evidence and more.

Because of her job and working hours sometimes not getting home until 9 or 10 at night, the judge gave me full custody of my daughters. As a bonus, because she made close to $200k a year and I make around $50k, the judge awarded me the house, my car (which title was in her name, but I was paying the notes), and child support. He was going to award alimony, but I declined to take it.

She has since moved back to the UK where she was originally from before moving to the US as a child to take a job at a well known firm. She and I get along now. We see each other on Christmas when we fly over there so the girls can visit, or she comes here and in the Summer when the girls go and spend the summer with her."

Never Betray An Army Man
Never Betray An Army Man

"I am in the Army and I was married. I was approaching my first deployment to Iraq.

It was very stressful and it had my wife wanting me to find a way to stay and not deploy– obvious things any wife would try to talk about. Anyway, we have no kids but both want them, so we talk about getting out of debt while I'm gone.

She talks to her best friend back home in another state where we are both from. Her friend agrees to let her move in and charge a modest $300 in rent so that we can get out of debt and start a family when I come back. This was a plan I was actually very pleased with.

I deploy, she is there crying her eyes out saying she will miss me and loves me, and we will start a family when we get back.

Fast-forward two months– she starts acting distant, not wanting to talk much on our scheduled calls or text back one or two word answers. We've been together 6 years she is never at a loss for words.

One day she says she needs some space. She asked someone who is 10,000 miles away for space. I ask why she says she just needs space. She wants to 'find herself.' I remember back when we lived at home, she had a guy who was always being borderline inappropriate. I'm not a very jealous person and I trust her, but I start seeing said guy on in basically all her pictures she posts with a group. Every time he is in the picture. Everyone else changes, but never him.

So, for the first time I'm very jealous and uneasy about everything. I clone her phone, so I receive every text she receives as well as every text she sends. I'll never forget the first text I saw after cloning her phone.

'Hey babe, I'll see you after work want me to save you any of my leftovers?'

From her to him. It destroyed me. I lost 35 pounds in a week. I didn't eat or sleep. I stared at the phone, watching every conversation, watching them talk about trying to have a baby. It was literally everything a married person fears.

I ask her if she is seeing someone and she says no she isn't. She is taking care of herself and she loves me, blah blah. I don't say anything about receiving her texts for two months. Over this time, she finally admits cheating and that he is so much better than me at intimacy, treating her right, and he does what she wants.

During this time, she pays our debt off, gets tattoos with him (matching I love you tattoos), goes to shows with him, buys him clothes, etc., with the money I'm making.

This is where the revenge starts.

I put a freeze on the account for a month. In that time, I change every password to every account to things she won't guess (Army jargon slang terms). I block her on Facebook and my phone, so she has no way to contact me. She lost her car to repo a few months later and got kicked out of her place. She had to sell her prized shoes and purses just to stay alive.

I then find out she got a job at her old restaurant, so I post all the text conversations I have with her and the guy talking about having babies that have time stamps on it, as well as post conversations we had with the matching time stamps, showing all of our friends what she has done. I then have friends call and complain at her job constantly on both he and her. They work at a restaurant, so I also have friends dine and dash. They both get fired.

She tries to call my command and tell them that I am abandoning her and she can't provide for herself. My commander knows what is going on. He does nothing because he had something similar happen. Then, about a month before I come back, she calls me from another number to tell me she is pregnant with his kid. Mind you, I'm still gone, so we cannot get divorced yet.

She moved away with him. 10 hours from me.

April 24 2018. She calls me 5 months pregnant crying uncontrollably asking me where she should go. Apparently, they have a giant blow up fight and she tells him she is leaving. She says she doesn't know where to go and I simply say, 'Sorry not my problem anymore.'

Fast-forward January 2019: she calls me from a mutual friends phone.

Her: 'He hit me. I don't know what to do.'

Me: 'Maybe, you don't cheat on your husband when he is deployed for some guy who talks a big game.'

Her: 'Well, I guess you are happy about this?'

Me: 'No, but I'm glad I know I'm not the bad guy in this story.'

AND THEN THE NEXT MONTH...

Her: 'He is cheating on me with two girls. I'm sorry. I regret everything I did. I messed it all up.'

Me: 'Yeah, you did.'

All in all, this woman destroyed my life. She put me into a deep depression I'm still dealing with but I do feel a little better having proof that I wasn't the problem. To think if this happened even 5 or 10 years ago, I would have come back to an empty bank account, an empty house, as well as seeing my then wife pregnant with another man's baby. She actually hit me up yesterday to ask for some money to help cover rent..."

Revenge In Traffic
Revenge In Traffic

"This story is a little less painful than the last time, but this happened around two years after the first break up. I was dating this guy who was a lot more out of the closet then I was at the time. He was my best friend at the time's older brother. When I would hang out with my friend he would often keep to himself and I don't know why but something pulled me toward him. At first, It started with just chatting with him while my friends got ready to go somewhere, just enjoying being able to make him smile was enough for me but soon enough I managed to talk him into joining in when we hung out as a group. It was obvious that we were getting close and almost all of my friends were pushing for the two of us to get together, my best friend especially.

It was around Halloween when I had asked him out and to my shock, he said yes. For the first year, I felt so alive just being around him, enjoying just being in his company whether it be going on dates or just lounging around his house and watching a movie. It was so much so that I practically lived at my best friends house being that I still wasn't out to my parents and didn't want to have to explain me being only seventeen and having a nineteen-year-old boyfriend to my father. It helped that the family supported us, feeling as if I was a member of the family myself.

Things started changing when he built up a bit more confidence with himself and began to gain a group of his own friends. They were a bit older than him and he looked up to them, so he started to change his personality as a way to impress them. It started out with small things like making slight jabs at me when they were around and eventually just anytime he pleased. He started to get pushy about me telling my parents that I was gay so I 'wouldn't be lounging around his house all the time.'

It progressed to him trying his best to exclude me from hanging out in either friend group, lying about what he was doing, blowing off plans with me, or lying to my friends saying I couldn't go. I tried to brush off these actions and pretending that what was happening didn't hurt. It got to the point to where he would even get annoyed at me hanging out with my best friend at their home and completely ignoring me while he hung out with his older buddies. The only time I had heard him even speak of us being together was when he would make lewd comments regarding our intimate life.

One night, my best friend was having a sleepover with me and two of our other friends and like normal, we stayed up until late into the morning, energized on energy drinks and soda. It was nice to hang out like old times again with my friends and they seemed to agree with me. We were halfway through a weird conversation about some show or another when my boyfriend came home. The walls were thin in the house, so I could hear that he wasn't alone and the group of us got quiet, us all being very nosy. As soon as they made it into the next room, my heart sank at the unmistakable sounds of him and another guy having relations. My friends were all honestly shocked and attempted to comfort me.

At that point, I felt both sad and angry but felt that storming into the room would do nothing more than give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. My friends tried to help me take my mind off of it with various distractions, but they could never silence the obvious sounds of my boyfriend and whoever he was with. I tried to pretend like I didn't hear it, not wanting the group to have their sleepover ruined by my drama, but no matter what, with each sound I could hear through the walls my sadness turned into anger. Even after my friends crashed, I remained wide awake in the silence of the room with the sounds still very obvious. It wasn't long before the sounds stop and I see from the crack in the door my boyfriend's buddy shirtless and disheveled making his way to the front door. Long story short, I did not sleep that night and by the next morning, I was still very angry.

My boyfriend was heading out of state to look at a certain college he was hoping to attend, so he had to wake up pretty early. I was in the kitchen drinking some hot tea when he woke up. He shamelessly stumbled, half-dressed into the kitchen smelling of another man and cheap cologne to hide the scent. He was tugging on one of my old shirts that I had given him for his birthday and attempting to fix his hair like nothing had happened.

'Hey babe, you stayed up all night again?' He asked in a groggy and familiar tone. He knew that I had a tendency not to sleep sometimes, occasionally losing track of time so he didn't assume anything. I just saw him smiling at me the way he always did and it just made me angrier, knowing he thought I hadn't caught on. 'Think you could fix me a cup? I need to get on the road soon.'

I just stood up and walked around the bar into the kitchen area and pulled out the tea packets. I sat while the tea kettle boiled and had thoughts of throwing the hot liquid on him, but thought against that. When it began to whistle, I poured the hot water into his mug and went for the lemon juice he liked to put in his tea every morning. That was when my eyes landed on the lemon flavored laxative that sat in the fridge. I fixed his tea alright, but instead of lemon juice I poured a good amount of the liquid laxative into his cup (reading the instructions, of course, not wanting to kill him). I also added one of those stimulants for men that sat on the counter. It was a gag gift from his dad for his last birthday that seemingly never left its spot on the counter. I stirred it really good before returning the tea to him, watching him gulp it down.

He looked at the time, noting that he had to get on the road before traffic, pulling me into a kiss. I was disgusted by this, tasting another man on his lips as he left out the front. I watched him leave, waiting a good hour before sending him a voicemail, telling him that it was over. I later told my best friend about what I had done and the two of us still share a laugh about it to this day. My now ex was furious with me when he came home, since he said that he had accidentally soiled himself in traffic and every time he had to make a pit stop his wood would accidentally fall into the water. I felt bad about it, but at the same time felt it is still a bit funny. My ex of course still gives me dirty looks when I come to visit, sometimes getting jealous when he hears me and my best friend talking about other guys. In the end, though I am sad that things happened the way they did but you have to learn from your experiences and grow from them."

Long Walk For You
Long Walk For You

"I'd been on and off with this girl for a while. She was smokin' hot– a solid 9/10. She and I just kind of clicked right off the bat and it felt very natural. She seemed pretty smart too. I felt like I lucked out. Boy was I wrong.

We were at that awkward 'friends but not friends' stage for about half a year and then one night she drops the L bomb. I'm totally cool with it too. I let her know I feel the same way. We date for about a year.

Then, things get weird. I post some stupid cute comment on her Facebook picture, just trying to be sweet, and this dude comes in telling me I'm too slow on the draw and he's prince charming.

Red flags now, this dude sounds pretty confident. The 'we've been talking about stuff' kind of confident. I confront her about it and she insists they are just friends (yea, right) and they just started talking last month.

I'm not stupid. I tell her either she cuts contact with him or I'm walking. She chooses the latter because 'he's a really great guy.' Okay, whatever. I'll get over it. Just another woman bent on wasting my time.

About a month later, she comes crying back and insists she loves me and we are meant to be together. That guy was such a prick (he boned her and bailed from what I understand).

I know she's full of lies, but on the off chance she's serious, I have her swear that she loves me and there's no going back this time.

Just in case, I set up a fake profile with a sizable library of handsome photos from some random guy I found online. Then, I add enough info and friends to make it believable. Then I add her and start chatting her up on this fake account.

She swears left and right that this time is different. Meanwhile, 'Matt' is scoring her number and setting up a date (I had an alternate phone number thanks to Text Plus, free text and calling). I'm furious. It takes a real heartless wench to sit there confessing their love to someone they've been with for a year and a half while simultaneously setting up a date with someone else they've never even met and know nothing about. Yea, I'm definitely burning this shallow witch to the ground (I even did my best to make 'Matt' sound like kind of an idiot and kind of a prick. She dropped the 'babe' word, for example, and Matt responded with 'don't call me that again, got it? I'm not your babe').

She's going to school and takes the bus back and forth. I know her classes run pretty late, and buses don't run forever, you know? Matt is going to pick her up after school in his super fancy car and take her on the most romantic date of her life, or at least that's what she thinks. He conveniently doesn't get off work until about an hour after she gets out of class. She says that's fine, and she'll just study until Matt arrives. Meanwhile, I'm asking her (as myself) if she wants to hang out. She says she has some extracurricular thing going on and her friend is going to give her a ride home.

So, she hits up 'Matt.'

Her: 'Hey are you almost here? If not I have to take the bus because they stop running soon...'

You can tell she's a little annoyed.

Matt/Me: 'Yea sorry, I had to do over time. We were super busy tonight. I'm leaving now.'

Her: 'Okay can't wait to see you! :)'

Oh, you can. You can and you will.

Time drags by. Matt is now an hour late. He's super apologetic, and he's speeding to the school to go get her.

Matt/Me: 'Sorry! I just got pulled over...I shouldn't have been speeding but I felt bad for being late :('

Her: '...Seriously? Wow...well get here as soon as possible.'

Time keeps ticking and she is FURIOUS at that point. Matt is hours late. Finally, I break the news.

Matt/Me: 'Sorry, I don't go out on dates with lying hags.'

Her: 'What??! What are you talking about?'

Matt/Me: 'This isn't Matt. This is your boyfriend.'

Her: 'You guys know each other?!'

Matt/Me: 'No. I set you up to see if you were still an unfaithful slag. And you are.'

Then she has the nerve to tell me she wasn't actually going to meet up with him. Are you kidding me?

Matt/Me: 'Don't talk to me anymore. And I suggest you start walking. I think you missed your bus.'

Months go by and she hits me up. She's very apologetic and says the whole incident has been replaying in her mind. I tell her I appreciate it and I'm willing to be friends, but I have a girlfriend (I didn't) and even if I didn't, I wouldn't date her again. She says she understands. And the subject of our falling out comes up another day. She says her 3-hour walk of shame was the worst she's ever felt in her life. Good. It was the best I've ever felt in mine."

Nuclear Revenge
Nuclear Revenge

"I had a feeling she was cheating as she set off a lot of red flags. Constantly laughing and smiling when texting, saying it was just her mother when I asked. Needing to stay late every night after work. When I’d call in, her co-workers said she left hours ago. When I asked her what was going on, she’d laugh it off and say it was just something they did to each other at the office all the time.

The last straw to where I knew something was definitely up was when she went out 'to get milk' at 11:30 at night and didn’t come back until 2:00 in the morning. Now, if there are any words of wisdom I can pass on to others in all my years of experience, it’s if you think your significant other is cheating, hire a private investigator. They’re good at what they do, and they will get some evidence that really helps in the later divorce.

Fast track to her birthday, several months down the road. Now I know what you’re thinking, why on earth did I wait months before I confronted her and did it really need to be on her birthday? The answer to the first question is I wanted as much evidence as possible to hand off to my lawyer as well as make arrangements to find a new place to live, etc. Answer to your second question is of course it had to be on her birthday. You see after asking her what she wanted to do on her birthday this year she was rather insisted on me going out of town with my friends as she just had to work anyways and didn’t want to be reminded she was aging.

I know something is up and after finding a bottle of bubbly and two glasses hidden in my closet, something in me snaps. I do what any sensible man would have done. I leave and go to my friends house pretending like I am going out of town. While there I call up her mother, father, sister and several of her friends. I tell them how I want to give her a big surprise by sneaking into her room with party streamers, kazoos and a big cake with candles.

I had everyone meet me outside our apartment at 8:30 in the morning. We all pile in the elevator (about 8 of us in total); her mother is holding the cake and I’m reminding everyone to be as quiet as they can be. I put my key in and unlock the door. We all sneak in and make our way down the hall towards the bedroom. Each holding a kazoo and her mom holding the cake grinning from ear to ear.

But the surprise was on us and there was my wife staring at us wide-eyed, getting pounded hard by her lover.

Mom drops the cake, sister screams, father begins to shout. I pretend like I’m horrified to which her friends try to push everyone out while yelling at her. My wife, excuse me, ex-wife is sobbing and screaming how could I while the lover is desperately trying to put his pants on while running out of the place. Needless to say, it was one of the best birthday presents I have ever given."

A Present That Back Fired
A Present That Back Fired

"Well, this maybe petty revenge, but here goes: after we divorced and she moved in with her 'boyfriend,' I had my two daughters to think about and for their sake decided to be civil if not friendly with the ex. Now, I found out that the new man in her life was a recovering drinker and I knew from experience that my ex became aggressive and sometimes violent after drinking certain grape-based drinks. I still have the scar between my fingers where she stabbed me.

So, the second year after the divorce, it was my turn to have the children for Christmas. I took them away to my parents, I had found the highest percentage drink I could. I actually bought a case of 12 bottles and dropped it off at the ex's as a 'no hard feelings' Christmas present. I later found out via the children that on Christmas night both had partaken of the fruit of the vine and both had become somewhat inebriated and aggressive. Ultimately, he was removed by the police and as I understood it spent the rest of Christmas sleeping in the garden shed. Okay, petty, but it felt so good."

The Double Play
The Double Play

"They walked in on me. I arrived home a day early from a business trip and the cab dropped me off to a dark house. I made a drink and sat on the back deck facing the pool. My wife normally had tennis club this weeknight with two BFFs, so I didn’t expect her to be home. Voices and laughter in the house and the glass door slid open. My wife ran out laughing, peeling her clothes off toward the pool. A man followed her out, also peeling off his tennis shorts. They jumped into the water, frolicked for a bit and got to it.

My mind felt like it was imploding onto itself. It was too dark to take any photos and now I’m cursing myself for not having bought one of those night-vision attachments. His shorts were on the deck - I found his wallet and took his driver’s license. The address was across town. In a moment of crazy, I took the shorts and when inside found his shirt and shoes, and took those too.

When I got outside I learned they had driven his car– a Porsche 911– and I had the keys, so I took that too. Then, I drove to his house.

His wife opened the door. What a total knockout– long, dark hair, slender, large sweater kittens, dangerously full lips, and legs that went on forever. She wore tight shorts and a light t-shirt, all her curves front and center. What’s he doing with my wife with this supermodel at home? We exchanged greetings - her name was Jessica - and I told her everything, pointed to the car and handed her the clothes. She was numb. She threw the clothes into the lawn and burst into tears.

'Can you stay with me until he shows up?' she asked.

Uh, well I hadn’t thought it through that far. She invited me in, and we sat in their front room. They had a 'very' nice house. She sat stiff and could not look me in the eye.

'Are you okay?' she asked.

She had the presence of mind to ask of my well-being, I calmed a bit. I found myself gawking and she smiled. On the mantle were various photos of her in a swimsuit on stage. She used her looks to compete.

'He’s an attorney,' she said.

I didn’t see why that mattered.

'He’ll have you arrested for taking the car.'

Oops, I hadn’t thought that one through either.

She said, 'I’ll cover it.'

'Kill the lights,' I said.

'Excuse me?'

'It's best if he walks into a dark house.'

She touched the console on the table and all the lights went out– near pitch black. We waited and waited; it was dark and silent. No telling what’s going on in her mind. There was noise at the door and he blustered inside. From the low light from the street, he was carrying his clothes from the front lawn. It was very difficult for me to accept that he’d just come back from boning my wife. I was really having a hard time with this, again more than I expected. He shut the door and fumbled for the light; she touched the console and the whole place lit up.

Loverboy was wearing my clothes! The look on his face was priceless, but he didn’t notice I was there. He stared at her.

'Come on over and meet my new friend,' she said.

He slowly approached. 'Why are you sitting in the dark?'

'Why are you carrying your clothes?'

My turn. 'And why are you wearing mine?'

'Excuse me? And you are?'

'The husband of Angela.'

'Who?'

'The woman you were just banging in the pool. My pool. My wife.'

Jessica said, 'I asked him to gather your clothes and drive your car over here.'

Way to go, Jessica! Now I’m off the hook! His head swung side to side glancing at me, her, me. 'Fine! What now?'

'Looks like you’ll need an attorney.'

Her voice was smooth and controlled. Who is this woman? He tossed the clothes on a chair.

'And you’ll need to pack some things.'

'Oh yeah? Why’s that?'

'Your not staying here,' she said. 'And leave the keys to the Porsche.'

'Don’t have ‘em.'

I produced the key and slid it across the coffee table. 'Looks like my work here is done. I’ll leave you both to it.'

'Please stay until he leaves.'

I agreed, and before you think she had something else in mind, she just didn’t feel safe. After he left, she took me to my house in her BMW. This couple was loaded. When I went inside, it startled my wife that I was home early. I told her to be quiet and told her everything.

She sobbed and said, 'I didn’t mean for it to happen, it just did.'

Okay whatever. I didn’t make her leave, but she would stay in another room until the divorce was final. No spousal support and I got the house. I sold it for the equity and before it was final, Jessica called me up and asked me out for a drink. We struck up a relationship, but nothing physical - one can only hope. She’s stunning in a black dress and heels. It's only been a few weeks, but we grow closer every day."

At Least It Wasn't Boiling
At Least It Wasn't Boiling

"We had a REALLY slow day and my boss decided to be nice and sent me home for the afternoon. I got home around 1:00 instead of 5:30.

Music was playing, remains of a nice lunch still on the table, smell of fresh hot coffee filled the air, and the unmistakable sounds of passion coming from our bedroom.

We had been in marriage counseling for several months. I was trying to make our marriage work. I looked in the bedroom and saw my best friend with my husband. Such a cliché.

I was actually nice. I added cold water to the coffee pot before I dumped it on them. Then, while they were still yelling in shock, I yanked her out of bed by the hair, and shoved her, in the buff, out of the house, with her clothes thrown after her.

By that point, he had pulled on his pants, so he didn’t get shoved out undressed.

So much for marriage counseling."

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