Dating can be tricky. It's difficult to find the right person with so many of the not so right people in your way. In this pice, daters share the moment they realized they had to get out of a relationship. All the big "nopes" and red flags come out in these stories. Keep in mind, content was edited for clarity.
"We dated for a few weeks and then the night came to get down.
Since doing the dirty doesn't often happen for me, I don't typically keep protection in my wallet or on my person. She says she wants to do it and I tell her 'I don't have any protection,' to which she replies 'It's fine.' Being the excited none-thinker I was, I got to work. As I'm ready to finish I start pulling out. She grabs my hips and pulls me back inside her and says 'In me!' and of course, that being the hottest thing I've ever heard a woman say to me, I finish inside her.
A few weeks go by, and she tells me she's late and to be prepared to be a father. Not the most ideal situation but I put myself in it, I'm going to see it through. Another two days go by, and she's in tears. I ask what the matter is, and she says she had her period. I look confused, and she yells, 'I wanted to have a child with you and it didn't work and now we have to try again!'
I've never ghosted someone so fast in my life."
"She bit me twice...once on my arm and then on my butt. These were not fun, love bites...we were in an argument and the crazy broad got violent.
Took a chunk out of both places. I finally slapped her, so she would release her jaw from my butt. She was shocked. She called the cops. They showed up and arrested her.
I was the one bleeding after all."
"I didn't wash a bowl in the sink before work. I said 'I went to do it but got distracted and I didn't.' He decided to teach me a lesson by speeding the car up and then slamming the brakes on and stopped before hitting the car in front of us stopped at the lights. He turned to me and said, 'I was going to smash into them...but I didn't.'
Yeah, he didn't last long after that. It was weird and looking back it didn't make sense what he said but it scared me to death at the time."
"I was dating this guy for a short while over the Christmas period a couple years back. While I was at home with my family he bought me Left4Dead on Steam and would insist we play it everyday, when I started to say 'I can't, I really need to spend time with my family' he got all weird and angry with me.
Following on from that, he brought his GameCube back from his parents after Christmas, but the TV in his house was a new model that didn't have the right port to plug it in. He phoned me up one night and asked me to bring my TV to his house. Bear in mind I was living in London, didn't drive, and had to get two buses to get to his place. I said 'why don't you bring the GameCube to mine it's smaller and easier to carry' and he FREAKED OUT. He started shouting down the phone at me 'I would do this for you! I'll prove it! I'm going to bring my TV to your house, I won't stay though I'll just show it to you then leave!' His TV was a pretty large flat screen as well. He continued 'Can you hear me? I'm unplugging my TV! Look at your texts I've just sent you a picture of me holding the TV about to walk out the door!' I checked, and he had indeed unplugged his TV and photographed himself in the mirror holding it.
I sat there listening to him ranting, finally I said 'I don't want to see you this weekend anymore, I need some space for a while.' Then he started panicking 'when will I see you though, tomorrow, next week?!'
I hung up and sat with my flatmates trying to understand why this guy had lost his mind over such a tiny thing. THEN he called me every 10 minutes for the next TWO HOURS! I ignored him but finally to get him to leave me alone answered and basically had to calm him down saying I would see him on Monday. Needless to say the next time I saw him I ended it, and his response?
'Yeah, you need to do some growing up, you're quite immature...'"
"We were not in a relationship, thank God, but after the first date I had a weird feeling.
Two red flags stood out - he was slightly irritated to learn I was in my 30s even though he was 40. As in, he was irritated I was not younger (I look much younger than I am). Not angry irritated but you could tell he was disappointed.
Then when I mentioned how I used to be incredibly gullible and naive he took quite an interest in that. Too much of an interest.
So that night after I got home I googled him but couldn't find anything. Talked to my upstairs neighbor about him and showed her a picture. Lucky for me she knew who he was because he went to school with her ex-husband.
Turns out I couldn't find him because he gave me a fake last name. Looked him up using the correct name and what I found made me sick to my stomach.
Not only was he almost 10 years older than what he told me, but he also had one conviction and two arrests for gross imposition of a minor. Read the documents and their physical description matched mine to a T (hair type, body type, everything).
I noped out of that situation really effing quick and told him never to contact me again. To his credit he never did."
"He had kinda been a prick the whole relationship. Couldn't take the blame for anything, tried convincing me that my parents didn't love me, told me who I couldn't hang out with, told what I could and couldn't wear, and I would only go to his house because he 'felt discriminated against' in my house due to the fact my parents hated him (in retrospect, for very good reason).
Then, on our seven-month anniversary, he proposed to me. In his dirty car. In a mall parking lot on the bad side of town. My reaction was kind of like my life flashing before my eyes before death, except it was my future. I saw snippets of a horrible, sad, abusive future with him. So I flat out said no, took the ring from his hands, shoved it in his center console, and told him to take me home. He was livid. That's when stuff got scary, and fast. Instead of driving me back home, he drove to the neighborhood nearest mine and started driving through the cul-de-sacs at 45mph, punching his steering wheel, and spewing obscenities at me. I told him over and over again, take me home, prick! But he wouldn't. It was mortifying.
Finally, after an hour of sheer terror, he parked at the empty lot at the end of my street and asked me what was going to happen. For the final time, I told him he was going to take me home. So he roared up my street crying and yelling, and as soon as I bust his car door open, he tried to pull me back in. He was much larger and stronger than itty bitty me, and he was using all his strength to force me back inside, and I was using all of mine to get away. I knew that if I got back inside that car, I would never get back out alive. All the way to my garage he was following me, crying, forcing his arms around me to pull me back into his car. I don't know how, but by the grace of higher powers, I was able to pry away from him, open my garage, and close it with him on the other side, punching the door as it went down.
A month later, I noped out to the other side of the country. I blocked him and his horrible family on every social media site and blocked their numbers, too. He had told me he would kill me if I ever tried to leave him, and that night easily could've been it."
"We had only been talking for a few days, so at this point there is no commitment, or anything really, beyond a confirmed mutual interest. Immediately I noticed she was getting a bit clingy, in that she wanted to talk on the phone several times a day. So I'm already in 'establishing boundaries' mode right off the bat. Anyway, I was walking home from the store, it had just started raining, and my phone battery was almost dead. I had just enough charge left to listen to an audiobook, but not enough for a phone call. This is when she calls me.
I begin to explain that I'm walking in the rain and my battery's dead, and that I'll call her when I get home. I didn't get to finish the sentence, because she starts in with, 'Look if you don't want to talk to me, just say it and quit wasting my time.' Oh, no you didn't just lay a guilt trip on me for being soaking wet and miserable on the side of the road with a dead battery. I shot back with, 'Don't you even start that stuff with me or I'll never speak to you again.' She hung up. That sealed the deal.
My battery did in fact die on the way home. I log into Facebook and there's already three messages from her. The first one is angry, the next one is apologetic, and the third one is promising never to start drama again. I just blocked her. I check the phone and there's a bunch of similar texts. She kept texting for a few days after that and eventually gave up. I didn't read any of them.
Word to the wise: if there are two ways to interpret your motives, and someone always chooses the interpretation that leads to drama, get away. There was no winning in that situation, and that's how it always goes with people like that. If you're the trusting sort like me, the tendency is to take their complaints at face value and try to make things better the next time. It will never happen. I've wasted a lot of time on people like that, and I was pretty proud of myself for finally recognizing those head games on sight and putting a stop to it immediately."
"First person who comes to mind is a guy I dated shortly last summer. I was having a really hard time because months before meeting him I found out my husband was having an affair with a much younger girl and left me for her. He was barely around anymore. I was insanely depressed. We had kids together and life was going so well, and I was completely blindsided. Eight years together and I never saw it coming. So after a while, I realized crying myself to sleep and holing up in the house every day was going to make it worse. I had to try and find a semblance of a new normal. I come upon a guy on my 'People You May Know' list who looked familiar and added him. Turns out it was not the guy I was thinking he was, but we started talking and hit it off.
He tells me he also recently broke up with his girlfriend and mother of his child and was also having a hard time with it. I told him my story. When I asked what caused the break up for them, he simply said they were not getting along, and she just left one day and broke up with him. Okay. We go out on a few dates, and he seems alright. On the third date, he asks if I have a few dollars for gas and I said of course. He lives an hour away, I should help with the gas money. Well, this was just the tip of the iceberg of the many favors he would ask over the course of four months.
Now I am the type of girl that likes to give and help. I like to be the one buying things and paying because normally the man is always having to do it. It makes me feel good to do it. But it also causes me to get caught up thinking I am being a nice person, but actually being used big time. I made good money at the time and he realized this almost immediately. It started out with asking me for gas money every time we hung out, so I was gladly giving him $20 for gas every night after he dropped me off. He said he recently quit his job due to being depressed and was working on getting another one.
Then I started buying his smokes. On top of that, he was an avid pot user and started asking me to pay for his fix when he ran out saying he would pay me back. So then I was giving him $20 for gas AND $30 for weed every night. Then he says his insurance from the job was cut off and he is prescribed Adderall and needs the money to buy his script. That's another $50. To hurry this along, after a month I was basically shelling out $200 every day we hung out, which was several days a week. I was paying for the gas, our food, his weed, his medication, his child's needs, and ALSO spending money on whatever we were doing. Despite this, he never had any money leftover the next day.
We dated from June until September. I still remember the very last day I hung out with him before breaking it off. I had made $450 that night. He picked me up from work and we stayed the night at his house, which was his parent's house. We stop on the way and I put $20 in the tank and buy our smokes. We get to his house and go to sleep. The next day we start the drive down to my city to take me home, but before we get on the freeway we stop at the gas station again. Out of habit, I hand over $20 for his tank and $20 for smokes and drinks. When we get to my city, he gives me that sad look and says 'I'm out of Adderall, can you please buy me a few and I'll pay you back?' There goes $40.
When I got home he needed even more money. I get inside the house and count my money and realize I have $175 left out of making $450 just 12 hours ago. No way was I spending even more on the movie and dinner we had planned. I told him I was sick and had to stay home. He blew up about it. I broke it off days later. I can't even begin to count how much I spent during those months. It was insane. I finally talk to his ex girlfriend a few months after leaving him. He cheated on her with her best friend, she showed proof. It was apparent he was a sociopath, glad I broke it off when I did."
"After dating this girl for about a year, her parents surprised me with a contract stating I would propose to my her within three months!! I thought my girlfriend would share my concern, but she actually thought I was being irrational for not signing! Nope'd out of that one and later blocked that entire family from my life in every way I could.
They were a white, nonreligious family in America; marriage/proposal contracts are definitely not cultural here, no one I know has heard of this; the contract included a specific date by which I needed to propose with a diamond ring; there was nothing written in regard to what happened if I broke the contract, since they assumed I'd sign and propose without question/hesitation; after we broke up, her parents threatened with legal action(I don't know what for) but that was enough to convince me to cut all ties with that family."
"Dated a girl, we'll call her Amber (I'm a guy) for about a month when one weekend night we decided to get pretty hammered watching movies. We did the deed and laid down to fall asleep when the next thing I knew, she was on top of me, beating the life out of me!
I had fallen asleep for about an hour or two and during that time she got up to get some food. My roommate (female, we'll call her Rhonda) got home from her night job and they started chatting over a couple more drinks.
Now, there were a few red flags before this... I'd almost ended it a few times due to some terrible racist or homophobic vibes I was picking up from her.
Back to that night, I was awoken by a flurry of closefisted hits to the face from a girl my same height (6'1) and 15 lbs heavier than I (I'm 155).
During the chat with Rhonda, they both had a few more drinks and apparently started making out. Rhonda slowed things down with the self hating secretly bi Amber and they went back to chatting. Rhonda told Amber about how I was legitimately heartbroken while I was going through a divorce four years prior. Amber knew I was divorced but I hadn't gotten to the point of really opening my feelings up to her.
This sent her over the edge. Belligerent, still ready for some action, blocked from her first lesbian experience, then learning that I was in love with my spouse while I was married to her (definitely not anymore) she went into rage mode!
After getting her off me, I was trying to calm her down. At this point she can hardly stand upright and is screaming about how we were finished. I knew we were definitely done but I didn't want her leaving my house because she also never had a second thought about driving inebriated. I locked myself in a room and kept saying through the door that she needs to go to bed, not drive, and sleep it off. I texted Rhonda to sneak out and steal her keys so Amber couldn't drive home. After hearing a few screams about not finding her keys, the door opens, her car starts, and she pulls away. Apparently she loses her keys so frequently when she's had a few too many she has a few hidden keys on her car, so she can still drive.
We were definitely done on every account.
The next day was all voicemails from her begging forgiveness and dumping all the truth bombs she'd been hiding for the past month in attempts to get me to feel sorry for her. She was a pharmacist, clean cut medical professional, admitting she's been addicted to opioids for five years, her family in NOLA are all certified klan folks so she can't help being racist, her brother in our city was the leader of a local racist branch, she's secretly bi, but she's also helped beat a gay guy back in her hometown putting him into a coma for a month, her other local brother is a dealer pulling in $1M sales per year in Vegas and is a ruler of street bimbos (possibly a trafficker) and the list goes on."
"I had a girl request that we 'do it' outside, in the woods. We met online, naturally. Anyway, we head out to a nice spot and do the deed. She begins sobbing after. I ask her if everything is alright, and she reassures me that it is. Then proceeds to tell me about how she was taken advantage of in the woods a couple years back while continuing to sob."
"She told me a story about how she once had a stalker that would stand in her backyard and stare at her through her window at night and call her and tell her he liked her bra, the color of it, etc. It got weirder when she took me out to her backyard to show me the 'exact spot' where he was standing (even though she claimed to never have seen him). She told me many other wild 'facts' (that she thought it was this guy that went to school with us, but she wouldn't tell me his name, that she got letters from him claiming he was in love with her, things like that), but none of them added up and it was so completely obviously a lie. The final nail in the 2x4 was when I got a Facebook message from her mom on Facebook trying to convince me that her daughter was telling the truth when it was OBVIOUSLY HER that got onto her mom's Facebook and sent me the message.
I completely ended contact with her after that."
"She broke up with me while we were doing it, like during the middle of the act.
'I cheated on you because I don't think I'm good enough for you. After this we should see other people too,' she said.
I just stopped and stared for a looooong time before I was ready to talk, which resulted in her leaving me a crying mess that she could be so self-destructive and hate herself that much.
Four months later, she asked if we could get back together and was soooo upset that I noped out of that one. Then she dipped out of my life completely when she found out I had been seeing her boss after yelling at me for not 'waiting' for her to get her stuff straight before I started messing round with people she knew.... I didn't even know they worked at the same King Soopers til then."
"Man, I was such an idiot.... So, many warning signs. She used to disappear and not come home at night and not answer her phone. Then, she got pregnant and broke the news by telling me that she flushed her birth control. I respect a woman's right to choose, so now I have a lovely 12-year-old daughter. I still didn't leave.
When my daughter was born, she started doing the same thing again, drinking screaming, etc. I broke up with her, and we started sharing our daughter 1/2 and 1/2. A bit later I transferred to university and stupidly decided to give it one more shot.
After living with her and our daughter, I found out all of her trips back home were to have an affair. I was like what gives, I am in college, work two jobs, take care of the baby... you know. So I noped out. I have had full time custody of my daughter for ten years, and her craziness gave me the best gift I have ever received."