You know when two people are confessing their love to each other and they just happen to be in a large crowded area and for some reason everyone around them is way too emotionally invested in what happens? Suddenly a crowd of strangers forms around them and someone yells something at them like, "What are you waiting for? Kiss her already!" Don't you hate it when that happens to you? Wait, it doesn't? Yea, me neither.
Who decided that all shy characters must suddenly become outgoing simply because the plot demands it? I'm looking at you Anne Hathaway, the master of blossoming into a beautiful social butterfly mid-movie.
Male love interests tend to have a ridiculous amount of money and washboard abs and yet they spend no time in their day working in an office or hitting the gym to retain either of these attributes. Instead, they spend their time wooing the woman they've fallen for, trying desperately to win her affections with extravagant romantic gestures. The math simply doesn't add up here. Romantic gestures do not equal biceps the size of my head.
No one ever has to swap contact information when making plans for a date. Pick you up at eight? Nope, not a chance you're picking me up at eight because you're a stranger who I met five minutes ago and you have no clue where I live and if you do, then we have bigger problems.
In movies, serious fights last longer than 10 seconds and you're amazed at the stamina these actors have to throw punch after punch, never bothering to block their faces. There's also the classic fight scene where you have one guy versus 10 other guys and they all just wait their turn to fight him until he's the only one left standing. So realistic.
Don't you love it when your mom makes a huge a** breakfast for the whole family? I'm talking pancakes, fresh cut fruit, eggs, bacon, coffee and orange juice. Mom can't wait for the fam to gobble up all that delicious food and then Dad walks in holding a coat and shoulder bag and grabs a piece of toast and cup of coffee before bolting out the door to work, leaving the entire beautiful breakfast that Mom poured her heart and soul into completely untouched. No? That doesn't happen to you? Only in the movies? Okay.
Women in movies always seem to fall for the creepy stalker guy who's "a real man that knows what he wants." If that happened in real life the girl wouldn't fall in love, she'd get a restraining order.
It's always great when people in the movies speak in riddles. No one can finish a sentence properly and suddenly the guy's sister enters the scene and the girl freaks out thinking it's his secret lover and rushes off before he can explain properly and for some unknown reason, he doesn't chase after her. Things spiral out of control for the next few days, the scorned couple speaks in tongues some more until one of them finally fesses up and resolves the situation by admitting to being a flawed, but lovable goof. End of crisis.
Imagine if characters didn't get the parking spot right outside of wherever they went. Thirty minutes of the movie would be spent watching them looking for parking, followed by road rage, so maybe it's okay that movies don't include this particular social situation.
In movies, no one ever has to repeat themselves or cough or sneeze. On the flip side, if anyone ever does cough or sneeze that means they're about to get a terminal disease and you'll soon be balling your eyes out over losing your favorite character.
Don't you just love it when the nerdy and slightly unattractive girl suddenly becomes super popular and starts dating the best looking guy in school? All she has to do is take her glasses off, buy a new outfit, and brush her hair a couple times. Bonus points if the super attractive guy is portrayed as a saint who's stuck in a crappy relationship with a monster of a girl and ends up leaving that monster for the now beautiful nerd. If only it was that easy.
Every adult protagonist in every movie ever owns L-shaped sheets that perfectly cover the woman's chest but conveniently show off the man's chest. Our only question is, where does one buy such specially crafted sheets?
When someone has a work presentation in a movie, it's HUGE. It will literally make or break their career and god forbid if they lose this account there's no telling what the boss will do. Hate to break it to ya, but real jobs are nothing like that. They're just filled with endless, repetitive tasks, slowly sucking the joy from your soul one day at a time.
How come every character who lives in New York or London lives in a sweet little apartment in the best location possible and on an average salary? Looking at you Friends and Sex in the City. Stop giving the youths unrealistic expectations!
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