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16 Years And Counting.
16 Years And Counting.

"Was a poor kid who went to boarding school for high school. After getting there, nearly all my friends were Jewish, so I said I was too. This was 16 years ago. Most of the social circles I've been in since have had some sort of relation to the people I was in high school (and college) with so the lie just kind of stuck. I've even been the token Jew in many of those circles. Funny part is that last year I got wasted and tried to explain this to three of my closest friends. They simply did not believe me. The next morning they were like, 'You got so wasted that you tried to convince us that you're not Jewish.' And I was just like, 'ehhh.'"

It Was The Red Dye!
It Was The Red Dye!

"When I was 10 I learned I could make myself throw up, so I used this to get out of school for like two weeks. My parents couldn't figure what was wrong with me because I didn't have a fever or anything. My aunt had the idea that I was allergic to red food dye, because her grandson (my second cousin) was. I just kinda rolled with it, and so for years my house never had red Gatorade, strawberry pop tarts, etc. I eventually told my parents I was faking it when I turned 20, they were not amused"

Liam Neeson Cool.
Liam Neeson Cool.

"I'm the kind of person that always leaves my shoes tied and just slips them on. I'm dating this girl for a couple months and then one day my shoe gets untied but I'm too lazy to retie it. It really bothers her and she insists on me tying it. I really don't want to bend over and do it for some reason. It was around the time when Liam Neeson got his shoe tied by Olivia Wilde and I was crazy jealous because I really liked Olivia Wilde after watching House. She eventually asks me, 'Don't you know how to tie your shoes???' In my head I'm seeing Liam Neeson getting his shoes tied by Olivia Wilde and how awesome it looks. So I say, 'No, I never learned how, you can't tell anyone!' To this day, when my shoe gets untied in public, she will pull me off to the side away from other people and secretly tie my shoe. For some reason it makes her happy and it's the sweetest thing ever. I can't understand how she would even tolerate a grown man who doesn't know how to tie his own shoe! I'll never be Liam Neeson cool, but I've found my Olivia Wilde".

A Good Lie To Take To The Grave.
A Good Lie To Take To The Grave.

"This is a lie with a happy ending and I'll take it to my grave. My parents are almost empty nesters and live in Colorado. Last year all of her kids found jobs/school in Utah County, Utah. We all live about 20 minutes from each other, completely on a fluke. My mother decided she wanted to take upon one last road trip, so we flew into Colorado, and she drove us back home. It doesn't sound like too much, but my family is poor and it was a very nice gesture. Plus there are places on the way we always used to stop at, like the Little America Hotel in and the Grand America brunch buffet. All of this is far too expensive for my parents, so on the way I discreetly called and paid for everything, or would sneak out during a meal to 'go to the bathroom' and would slip a waiter a card. At each stop the staff would play along and mention how the room had to be changed so they gave it to us for free, or how a kind stranger paid for our meal. And I was never caught. This was too much for my mother and she broke down to me and told me how she had no idea how she was going to pay for our trip but she did it anyway because she wanted to be with her boys one last time before we were all too busy, or she too old. She then told me how she prayed for help and God gave it to her. I am not religious, but my mom is and there is no way I'm going to tell her the most spiritual experience she had had in a long time was her sneaky son. Love you Mama"

Technically It's True.
Technically It's True.

"I work with a number of women (and men for that matter) who all have children. When we all first started working together they asked me if my wife and I have kids - I said no. I have zero interest in hearing about their kids or talking about mine. So years later I'm the guy without kids and it's wonderful. My boss who I've known for 18 years actually knows my son and doesn't care, he actually thinks its funny. Son is in his mid-20s and has been out of the nest for years, so technically I don't have kids, just an adult son".

When Lying Gets You Into College Early.
When Lying Gets You Into College Early.

"When I was 13 I was playing World of Warcraft and someone asked me my age. 13 was so young so I lied and said I was 14, cause that meant I was so much more mature. Well I kept playing with the same group of people, and 4 years later they thought I was 18. Someone started asking me how my applications to college were going since I was that age. Being caught in the lie about my age I played along and asked for advice. I played along with the advice which resulted in me actually putting in a college application to a university and I got in. As a high school junior. So to keep up this lie about my age I now had to finish high school quickly so I could actually go to this university that accepted me. Great part is that I was able to do this by overloading my spring semester with online classes (yay Florida online high school). I managed to graduate high school a year early and went to university a year early to keep this lie going. So here I am, at a university 1000 miles from my home state, finished my BS and am now doing a masters, all because 14 sounded way more mature than 13 on a video game"

Dancin' Fool.
Dancin' Fool.

"I dislocated my knee dancing like a maniac whilst wasted in January. Ended up on crutches for three weeks. Told everyone at work I did it bending down to grab something from the freezer because I didn't want them to think I was a wasted maniac. People at work are still shocked that I dislocated it so 'easily' and keep saying how unlucky I am and bringing the sympathy. Now I just feel like a fraud".

Sticky Situation.
Sticky Situation.

"My daughter was accidentally conceived in a group intimacy session when our friends protection failed. We just told everyone that we got a surrogate because my wife wanted to focus on her career. No one actually knows that our friend didn't want the kid but also didn't want to get rid of it, so my wife and I decided to take the baby in as if she was ours. It actually work pretty well, in the past 4 years since, my wife has been promoted and is making money while I stayed home with our daughter. My wife sometimes says that she accidentally had her cake and ate it too because she now has a daughter and her body is still the same. Though I am 100% sure that this whole situation would have failed if I was with anyone else, my wife accepted that this was all of our faults. She and I have always had this incredible trust between each other and when we found out that our friend was pregnant I told her that I was 100% OK with her leaving me. I didn't want her to have to go through all of this, but she reminded me that she was the one that approved the intimacy act that lead to our friend being pregnant so she was also accepting responsibility".

No Cheese!!
No Cheese!!

"A girl I lived with two years ago thought I was stealing her yogurt out of the fridge. I told her it couldn't have been me since I'm allergic to dairy, and now I still can't eat dairy in front of her or anyone from that friend group. She made me a dairy free cake for my birthday - the guilt is eating me alive. Because yeah, I ate the yogurt and it was delicious".

One Frisky Monkey.
One Frisky Monkey.

"My now wife and I were dating in college in the early '80s. One night we went out to a party where she proceeded to get black out wasted. The next morning I asked her if she remembered the little organ grinder monkey giving her up top twisters. She didn't believe me at first so she asked my roommate. He was always on his game and confirmed it without hesitation. He even added to the story a bit. All 100% complete lies. No up top loving monkey to be had. Fast forward 30+ years. It's now a family legend. She tells everyone about it. Parents/siblings/children/friends have heard the story dozens of times. It invariably comes up at every family gathering. People hearing it for the first time howl with laughter because she has the rap down cold by now and delivers it with skill. Those that have heard it repeatedly just cringe and roll their eyes. I'm the only one (besides roommate whom I haven't seen in 20+ years) that knows it's all lies. I'm scared to tell her the truth, so I wrote her a sealed letter and put it in my will".

A White Lie That Paid Off In A Big Way.
A White Lie That Paid Off In A Big Way.

"A friend of mine was in his second year of university and at a networking / business development event at the school. This guy was never much of an academic but was someone you would call street smart and good with people. My friend hits it off with the CEO of pretty sizable company. At the end of their chat, the CEO says 'Stay in touch and let me know when you're graduating.' My friend is pretty quick on his feet and said he was an alumni, there to help mentor students and catch up with other alumni. CEO setup an interview in the marketing department because he liked my friend's ideas during their initial convo. Friend got the job and dropped out of school. He is now the marketing director of another major firm (this is 8 years later) and had never graduated from university, though he puts it on his resume. But by now his work experience is so strong that no one even cares about the school"

The Last Of The Rhodesians.
The Last Of The Rhodesians.

"This lie broke. It shattered but it's a great story. My chiropractor (great bloke, not great English, fairly gullible) lived with my drinking buddy at the time and one night with my last name being Rhodes, we decided to convince him I was the last of the ruling elites of Rhodesia in exile in Australia since the rise of Zimbabwe. Even set up a blog, lastoftherhodesians (which got me in so, so much trouble when a racist took it over), slipped in Leo DiCaprio's accent from Blood Diamond occasionally. All was going well, I'd go get my back fixed, spin a yarn about a semi-made up land and laugh all the way home, this went on for months. And then my mum invited my chiropractor to a family barbecue. First thing he said to my mum, 'So how DID you get out of Rhodesia?' And a laugh went out so loud and so far, even Obi Wan felt it. I was not the last King of Rhodesia, just a guy with a terrible sense of humor when wasted"

Knocked Out Cold.
Knocked Out Cold.

"When I was younger I walking home at night and the street lights were off, I got scared and starting running, knocked myself out on a lamppost. Someone walking their dog found me and called the ambulance. I was so embarrassed when I woke up I told the nurse I was mugged (I was 12). My parents turned up at the same time as the police. I gave a description that sounded a lot like gonzo from the Muppets and police were searching the area with sniffer dogs. Thank Christ nobody was arrested and I still haven't told my parents".

20 Year Curse.
20 Year Curse.

"When I was a kid, I got the bright idea to put a knotted cherry stem under my tongue, and then show my sister an untied stem and magically tie it in a knot in my mouth in seconds. Fast forward about 20 years my entire extended family thinks I have this weird ability to tie knots with my tongue... it's a complete lie. At this point I refuse to do it, and get, almost defensive when people bring it up or ask to show it again. Pretty sure I got the idea from the Simpsons or Pete & Pete and now has stuck with me as a curse".

German Girl.
German Girl.

"For some reason when I was a younger kid, I really, really wished I was German. I do have a very German last name, but I'm really only like 5 percent German. But I would always tell people I was 100 percent German (I would say both my grandparents on both sides were straight from Germany, so both my parents were 100% German). It didn't really go as planned, and whenever we would learn about the Nazis in history people would stare at me, and the teacher would even ask me for my insight on it. One time when German exchange students visited our middle school for a day, I was assigned to be their tour guide because they would want someone 'like them.' When high school rolls around, all my friends assumed I would take German as my language class. So since I was the 'German girl' I did. Hence me learning German and now constantly being asked to speak German to people to prove that I'm German. I've also studied German customs and culture just so people believe me. I hate my 12 year old self for having such a weird obsession with Germany"

Bite You Back.
Bite You Back.

"I once told people I had been bitten by a venomous snake to get out of work for a few days. I had already called in sick a ton of times and just could not face them if I did it again. I am young and in good health, there is just no way even an old frail person is ill as much as I am calling in, so yes, I faked a snake bite. They knew I kept venomous snakes and I thought, 'this is such a great idea.' Turns out they were fascinated and wanted to see, so I had to wrap my foot up in a huge bandage and hobble around for weeks. Luckily I was moving to another job I actually didn't hate a few weeks after that. I didn't have to deform my own foot or actually let one of my venomous snakes bite me so that I would not get busted. Not going to lie, I was not far off doing so".

He Took It To Heart.
He Took It To Heart.

"In an ironic twist of fate, I used to tell people that I had a heart condition, and that's why I took pills daily (it's actually Prozac). Found out about a year and some change ago that I do, in fact, have a heart condition. I lied so hard that I retroactively gave myself a heart condition".

Is There Something In Your Eye?
Is There Something In Your Eye?

"While me and my SO were still dating (maybe 2 weeks or so in), she winked at me when I walked into the pub she worked in. Me being the goof that i am winked back but messed it up on purpose and just sort of shut my eyes tight for a second, making her believe that I couldn't wink. Now it's over 6 years later and she still doesn't think i'm capable of winking. One of my favorite things to do is just stand behind her and wink, purely for my own amusement".

Going On For Over 30 Years
Going On For Over 30 Years

"When I was a little kid, I told my mom I really liked her tuna casserole. I was just trying to be nice and pay her a compliment since she seemed like she was having a bad day. Pretty much every time I go to visit her she has some tuna casserole waiting for me. I don't actually like tuna casserole that much, but it's such a sweet gesture that I don't have the heart to tell her to stop. This has been going on for over thirty years now".

You Never Know When You'll Be Back.
You Never Know When You'll Be Back.

"A couple years ago, I went to a bar in a town I didn't expect to be in very often, and I decided to don a Scottish accent and make up a back story for a fictitious version of myself. Now, I doubt my accent would have fooled someone actually from Edinburgh, but by the end of the night I had a group of Americans and one bemused Australian chatting with me about the things that make the US a strange place to visit from abroad. Shots were bought, back slaps given, and a good night had; I thought nothing else of it, until I was dating a girl from the next town over, and she took me to her favorite bar. That bar. We walked in, someone greeted me by my 'name,' and I did the only thing I could do - cheerfully donned my fraudulent accent, explained that my business trip had been indefinitely extended, and spent the next twenty minutes furtively explaining to my date that I wasn't a con man, just an ex actor with terrible impulse control".

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