"From what I've learned, my biological parents were both addicts and small-time criminals. My dad was in and out of jail for substance abuse and eventually served a full two-years on domestic violence assault charges against my mom, but she couldn't leave him for some reason and when he got out, they had me. They managed to keep me for 25 months somehow until they abandoned me in the aisle of a pharmacy. They then proceeded with whatever crappy lives they had. My dad jumped off a bridge a few days short of 9/11. I was 5-years-old and had never known him. My mom followed him three years later down the same bridge.
I didn't actually track them down. My foster family received a visit from my CPS caseworker and an attorney in July 2004, a few weeks after my mom killed herself. Turns out some collection agency had seized my mother's estate and they found my long-lost birth certificate; the state connected the dots from there. They had a long talk in the kitchen, then the next day I was brought to an office where I met members of both my biological families with social workers and the attorney. I elected to remain with my foster family. It was the first and last time I saw or talked to any blood relative.
The attorney left a box to my foster mom that I was supposed to open when I got old enough. I did so when I turned 15. In it were a bunch of baby pictures and random toys that I assume I played with as a toddler. I threw them away and never looked back; as far as I'm concerned, I only have one real family and its the one that took me in as a broken little 2-year-old and raised me as their own."
"I was adopted at birth. I can't remember a specific time that I asked if I was adopted or when my parents told me, I've just always known. My birth parents were both 18-wheeler truck drivers with not much of a permanent address, so they decided to put me up for adoption. Growing up they would send birthday or Christmas cards every few years, and then I stopped hearing from them completely for about five years.
One day I got a random phone call from my birth father stating that my birth mom had lung cancer and she didn't have long to live, and if I was ever going to come meet them, now would be the time. I was devastated that my birth mom was so sick and that these were the terms in which I was going to meet them. They had moved into their parents' house in Ohio when they passed. My adopted parents have always been supportive of me having a relationship with my biological parents and understood that I wanted to go meet my family. They went with me and we flew to Ohio a few days after the phone call.
I will never forget that day, pulling up to their small one-story house with a fenced in front yard. I got out of the car and they were there waiting for me on the front porch. It was weird, like I knew these people, but have never met them. I immediately felt a deep connection with them. It's weird finally seeing the genetics you come from for the first time.
My birth mom looked very sick, but she still never stopped smiling and cooked one of the best roast beef meals I have ever had. I ended up meeting my whole extended family that day, I found out I have five half brothers and sisters, and that I'm an UNCLE! I never expected that and my young nieces and nephews would be so excited to meet me. I was overwhelmed with emotion and love for these people I hardly knew. I am so glad I got that opportunity to meet them, especially my birth mom.
My birth mom passed away November 27, 2011. I, unfortunately, was unable to make it to the funeral, and I haven't been able to bring myself to go see her grave or contact my birth father or family. I have been to a therapist about this and I plan on finally going up there on the anniversary of her passing. It is something I need to do for closure. I am really hoping to reconnect with my birth family; I would really enjoy having them in my life again."
"I was adopted at birth. I'm 26 currently and have never wanted to know anything about my biological parents. Last Father's Day (of all days, right?) I received a Facebook message from a random man asking if I was adopted, was a few details of his daughters DOB. They all matched and boy, did I look like him. We talked a bit, he sent me a picture of his daughter at birth -- yep, that was me. Still not wanting to believe this random man was my biological father, I told him I would contact that adoption center with his name to see if they would give me any information.
My adoption was a closed private adoption. The center called me back three days later to confirm that this man was my biological father. They confirmed my biological mother's name as well. I was dumbfounded, I cried, and I was angry - about every emotion you could think of.
I informed the biological father that I was indeed his biological daughter, then was told I have two biological brothers, one barely a year older than me, and one four years younger. Biological mother also has a slew of other kids, as does he -- it came to a total of two siblings, and nine half-siblings. I had grown up an only child.
The kicker was that the biological mother is and always has been an addict. She lost all her kids and every one of my siblings is completely screwed up. They all have kids, including my teenage half-sister who has a 4-year-old. Most have been in jail and have no contact with their parents.
I spoke to my biological mother twice and she gave off the piece of trash vibe the second I started talking to her on Facebook, so I blocked her and forgot that ever happened.
The biological father wasn't much better. He was with a new woman with three kids and barely speaks to his biological children from other women. I grew up in a close family, we talk all the time and are involved in each other's lives. This guy claimed to want to get to know me and meet me, talk to me on the phone, blah, blah, blah, but it just never followed through. So I cut those ties and haven't talked to him since either.
I have talked to most of my siblings still. I really wanted to get to know them and build relationships with these people that are blood-related to me, but they have such terrible sad lives that we really can't keep a conversation going, so it ends up just being a few sentences exchanged every few days about how their lives are crap, and what is going wrong now.
I'm a positive person, in a good place in my life, and my husband is worried I'm going to get taken advantage of, so I keep my distance. All in all it was a terribly disappointing situation and I wish it had never happened."
"I actually had a letter from my biological father from when I was six months old, and inside of it, he told me he loved me. After finishing reading that in the winter of 2011 (I was 19 at the time), I was absolutely determined to find him. On the envelope to me was an address. I typed that address into Google, and the Adoption Agency that my adoption was conducted through came up. I e-mailed the lady who was in charge of the agency asking for information on my birth father. After a few very long months, she emailed me back with a name.
She had everything on him that I could want in terms of contacting him. She had said that the reason it took so long to find him was because she had to confirm that it was, in fact, him, and he didn't see the message she sent him on Facebook until later. Anyway, I had his contact info and I found him on Facebook. He and I were chatting for months on end to find out about each other, and we decide to meet up.
So we meet up, and it's incredible. Everything I've ever wanted to know got answered for me. He told me that him and my bio mom were dating in college at the time, and they broke up in January '92. I was born in September '92. My mom 'didn't know' that she was pregnant with me until about a month before I was born (I was full-term). At the time of my birth, my mom was engaged to another guy. She took one look at me and realized that I wasn't her fiancée's kid like she had assumed. She knew that I was her ex's kid. She didn't tell him that she had a kid until the day after I was born. That was the major turning point in my life - that one decision not to tell him. My biological father had to make the decision in about 4 hours to give me up for adoption because he would not be able to take adequate care of me.
I also found out his kids (my half-siblings) didn't know about my existence. Later on that summer, he messages me on Facebook, saying that he and his wife are going to be telling the kids about me very soon. Within 24 hours, I've received friend requests from all of them. About a week and a half later, I drove down to their house to meet the entire family. I spent three days there, meeting all of my relatives. I message with them on Facebook all of the time, and visit frequently, three or four times a year.
I didn't tell my adoptive parents about my 'quest' until about two weeks after I met my biological father. They were shocked, as you can imagine, but they were in full support of everything. I also have an adopted sister who was adopted from birth by my adoptive family as well, who thought it was the coolest thing I've ever done. So they were, and still are, fully supportive, thank God. Also, I do not consider his kids as my half-siblings, they are my siblings, and I'm their sibling. I would not trade my relationship I have with them for ANYTHING."
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"When I was like two weeks old, my mom and 'dad' broke up and my mom moved back home, halfway across the country and basically pretended he never existed and started telling everyone this guy she was friends with named Jim is my father. Fast forward a few months, my mother is being a terrible mother and leaving me with trashed babysitters all the time, so my grandma comes and takes me away from her, wins custody and all that. Fast forward to third grade, my grandma gets cancer and dies, but she doesn't want me to end up with my mother so she gets a family friend to be my legal guardian.
Okay, now fast forward some more -- I was in 17, a senior in high school and at school screwing around on Facebook, not really doing school work when I get this message from this girl a few provinces over that I have no mutual friends with. So I check it and basically it says something along the lines of, 'Hi there, my name is Danielle and my dad is named Mike, and if your mother's name is so-and-so then we could be sisters.'
I'm like, 'What the heck?' considering I had always been told my dad was that Jim guy but I had heard of Mike before. We message back and forth and so I learn that Mike got his daughter to message me because he thought I might think he was a creep. I add her and Mike on Facebook. I talk to them on the phone a few times, but nothing too grand.
The following summer, Mike, his wife and Danielle come to visit and we decide we need to do a DNA test since my mother is still claiming that Jim is my dad. We get the DNA test, and Mike turns out to be my dad. Me mom still denied it after the DNA results and basically demanded we pay for another test with Jim. I basically told her to grow up.
Me and my dad have a great relationship, and I have a whole family I get to go visit twice a year now! I grew up feeling like I was always just an add-on and never really belonged to my guardian's 'adopted' family. I also have two half-sisters and a half-brother. My dad still jokes that I'm the only one he knows is actually his."
"I never got in touch with my parents, but my biological siblings got in touch with me earlier this year. We had some interesting conversations, and what's interesting is that my birth parents really weren't screw ups or addicts or anything like that. They just wanted their kid to grow up in a stable household, and since they were getting a divorce and I was the product of an attempted reconciliation, they decided to adopt out.
Talking with my birth siblings was interesting, but I couldn't really see them as my brothers and sisters because I'm so tightly knit with my two younger sisters (one of whom is also adopted). They looked like me, sure, but I couldn't really see them as siblings. They also told me that my birth parents probably wouldn't want to interact with me, and I sort of left it there.
I'm a big grizzly bear looking guy in a family full of people smaller than me, but I love them. Family isn't really about genetics anyway."
"I am adopted from Korea. My birth mother died a month after I was born and I have known that since I can remember. We even have picture books and children's books explaining adoption.
My birth father had to give me up because Korea does not have financial help for one-parent families and I believe that my mother's side strongly advised adoption (it's considered taboo almost in their traditional ways to have a one-parent family, to the point where the Korean government refuses to let one-parent families adopt Korean children in the USA).
My real parents never told me I had siblings, so I wouldn't get confused about my brother (who is also adopted) and the two brothers I had in Korea (11 and 8 years my senior). I found out by digging through adoption records myself (as I have always wondered why my father gave me up) and found out when I was 15. My parents were going to tell me when I was 16 about my older brothers, apparently.
Fast forward two years. I contact my adoption agency and ask if I could have contact with my birth father. The adoption agency on the Korean side had a post-adoption branch for children who wanted to reach out to their birth families. They did not get back to me quickly, but after a few months they finally responded that my birth father once came for pictures of me in 2000. He wanted to make sure I was happy and in a good home and be at ease with his decision (it was very hard for him, from what he has told me). They had a number and called it, but this number was out of service now. The adoption agency then asked if I wanted them to track him down for me. I immediately replied 'Yes, please yes.'
You need permission from the birth family to contact them and continue contact, otherwise your birth family experience stops right there (which, for many Korean adoptees, they get a 'no' because of the birth mother was a teenager when they were born and never told their husband they had a child once).
My birth father responded with a letter and pictures of my family. I have a half-sister two years younger than myself, my two brothers and my father. We only correspond through letters and my adoption agency, as my sister struggles with English and I do not know any Korean.
My brother (the second oldest) always writes that he wishes we could meet and all my siblings respond with how they love me and though they've never met me, feel close because we are siblings.
'It might be awkward when we first meet, but that's okay because you are my sister.'
It's only a little contact, but honestly, I'm happy I get to have answers and be in contact with my birth family. The adoption agency always sends their handwritten letters to me through the mail and my birth father sent pictures of all of them, and, recently, he sent my birth parents' wedding photos.
I think my mother was beautiful and all my siblings look like Korean Pop Stars. I'm satisfied, happy and sometimes a little sad, but I'm saving money to visit them someday soon."
"I always knew I was adopted. It was weird because we lived in the same town as my birth mother and we would often run into her at places like the library when we were much younger. My mom always had to tell me who she was because I never recognized her. My other two brothers are also adopted from the same mother, but my birth mother has some kids of her own that she kept, too.
When I was about 16, I got a weird complex and really wanted to get to know my birth parents. I soon found out that my birth mother had written a letter to my parents saying that her kids wanted to get to know their siblings and asked if we could all get together. My parents had kept the letter from us because they were afraid my younger brother would react strangely.
We did end up finally all getting together maybe about a year later. I was excited and very nervous all at the same time. Strangely enough, it wasn't really anything special. Come to find out that this woman that I had painted a wonderful picture of in my head, really wasn't what I was expecting at all. Also, she didn't really feel like my mom at all. She was just the woman who gave birth to me. To this day, the woman who raised me will always be who I consider to be my mother. I keep contact with my birth mom still, we are friends on Facebook and such, but that's about it."
"My twin sister and I were adopted when we were 6 weeks old. We have no memory of finding out we were adopted because our parents told us and reinforced it from a very young age. They made the right call there. We never had a 'life-altering' moment of learning the truth. We even celebrated 'adoption day' which, to us, was almost like having a second birthday.
My birth mother had gone through an adoption home run by Catholic Nuns. She left some letters she had written to us for the nuns to give to my parents to then pass on to us when they felt we were mature enough.
On our 13th birthday, our parents let us read the letters our mom had written for us. I don't remember much about it, but she did talk about things just not working out with the man who had impregnated her and she also shared some of the requirements she gave the adoption home with regards to the parents they'd choose for us.
Now, the agreement with the adoption home was that we weren't supposed to seek contact with our mother until after turning 18. Then we could write to the home, they'd pass on our letter to her, and she was to write back to them with her contact information for them to pass onto my sister and I. Within two months of sending that first letter, we had a date scheduled to meet our birth mother.
Our birth mother had plans to be in my hometown, and my parents had plans elsewhere. We all thought it best for my sister and I to meet our birth mother without them there. I'm not a very excitable person; I was rather calm but pleased to meet my mother. We spent some time just talking about our upbringing (that's what she wanted to hear) and then went to lunch. Towards the end of our meeting, she asked if we wanted to meet our younger sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents the next day; they were all in town for a holiday. Of course, we would.
It was kind of weird, though not uncomfortable, meeting so much family at once. Over the next year or so, with a few other visits getting warmed up to everyone, I noticed something that was foreign to me - they 'get' my jokes. They also speak to me like an adult and have things to say that add value. My parents are simple, small-town folks who had little to teach me with regards to life lessons.
With that, I still didn't expect that over the next several years, we'd grow much closer to them than the family we grew up with. They are just wonderful people."
"I've always known I was adopted, and about two years ago I decided to search for my biological mother. The process took some time but was relatively simple. I went to the agency that had adopted me out to my adoptive parents and I had to fill out some paperwork and give them $400 to search for my mother. It took a while for them to get a hold of my bio-mom. Then they sent her paperwork to fill out regarding family medical history and the adoption agency also asked her if she was willing to let me have her contact information.
In around November of 2012, I got a phone call while walking back to my car from a class. I remember that walk because I have never been more excited in my life. On the phone, the adoption agency told me my biological mom's name and address. Later that night I found her on Facebook and added her. I found out I had two younger siblings, a brother and a sister, from looking through her pictures.
We started messaging each other and I met her in person just after Christmas. I also met my grandparents, brother, sister, three cousins, aunt and other assorted family at the same time. It was a little bit overwhelming but at the same time an amazing experience. Since then, I've kept in close contact with my biological family. Meeting them is the best thing that's ever happened in my life."
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