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Disney Junior Gets Dirty
Disney Junior Gets Dirty

"As a past cast member I have many many stories, but one that was the hardest to see: I was coming back from break and went past the break area and saw some fur characters and they were playing some rap music and there was Sofia the First bent over with Handy Manny right behind her if you get my drift. Several other fur characters were around too laughing and cheering them on."

He Took Drastic Measures To Avoid Losing His Spot In Line
He Took Drastic Measures To Avoid Losing His Spot In Line

"A friend of my sister's was working the new Seven Dwarfs mine car roller coaster at Disney World when it first opened. The wait time was incredibly long because it was so new, and I mean hours long. A fully grown man became so angry at her for not letting him out of line to go the restroom without losing his spot that he squatted down and took a dump in the middle of the line."

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"This Was The First Time I Actually Understood How Bad Harassment Feels"

"I used to work in one of the countries in Epcot and one of my first days on the job was during a special festival that the guests tend to have a little too much to drink at. Well, I'm standing there next to the troll talking to a group of elderly ladies when they ask me to take a picture with them, so I flag down one of my colleagues to take the picture.

I'm standing there in the middle of a group women age 50 to probably a 100 smiling in front of the in-house troll when I feel a hand sliding down my back to my posterior, then the hand starts fondling my buttocks. My colleague is trying to operate the ancient camera the ladies brought with them and is taking ages to actually take the dang picture. Because I was so dedicated to my role, I just stand there smiling and wondering what the heck is happening to me.

When the picture is finally taken I look to my left to see which of the ladies that is massaging my patootie and I look directly into the eyes of the oldest of the gang. She actually looked a lot like the troll but in a wheelchair. The old perv winked at me and then she was rolled away by what I presume was her daughter.

There was a lot of inappropriate behavior and touching from female guests while I worked there, and as a male, this was the first time I actually understood how bad harassment feels. But I smiled my way through it, and looking back the nice memories outweighs the creepy."

She Was Not Prepared For What She Saw

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She Was Not Prepared For What She Saw

"I used to work park buyouts for Walt Disney World and we'd do these huge nighttime events for cheerleading awards. One night was just for middle and high school cheer and dance teams (and their families) and one year when my friend and I were working, she rushed around the corner of a gate to go backstage and ran smack into some preteens enthusiastically fooling around.

Apparently, my coworker just shrieked, the kids froze in panic like promiscuous little deer in the headlights, thinking they'd get absolutely ratted out to their coaches and families, but my friend was so exhausted and surprised that she just yelled, 'Eeeagh! No! No! You're children! Children! Go! Get outta here!!! Childrennn!!!'

She had to give a report to our boss and he asked if the kids were over with security or if they'd just made a run for it and she gave him the most pathetic face I've ever seen this girl make and whispered, 'I...forgot about security. I just... screamed... at them... in their faces... they were children!' I kept catching her just mumbling that to herself the entire rest of the shift."

An Extremely Goofy Brawl
An Extremely Goofy Brawl

"The year is 2001, summertime. I was fresh out of high school with no skills or talents, so naturally, I became a proud cast member at Walt Disney World. My esteemed lack of value got me drafted into a terrible job. No, not food service, not janitor - those career paths would have been a treat compared the venerated title of 'Character Handler,' or the guy who makes sure the dude in the Mickey costume doesn't get rolled over by deranged guests. I spent many hot, long days standing against the hordes of crappy parents trying to get their crappy kids into pictures, but it was all worth it to have just this one experience.

I worked with a particular Goofy who was kind of a jerk, the sort of fellow you wouldn't want hugging your wife or your children, always bragging about groping this or staring at that. All this could only end one way, and it happened on my shift. I was doing some crowd control when I heard some shouting. I turn just in time see a guy who was probably barely 21 was clearly flipping Goofy off. There's a woman nearby telling the man to calm down. Meanwhile Goofy is playing it cool, shrugging. This only prompts the man to accuse Goofy. 'Don't play this game,' he says, 'I saw you grab her butt.'

Right now I'm in full meltdown mode. It's my job to handle this kind of thing since the actor isn't allowed to speak for himself, so I start walking over, but then Goofy shrugs again. And then he makes some sort of gesture which conveyed that he was caught red-handed and feeling bashful. I'm not sure if he was trying to make the guy angry, but it worked because Goofy immediately gets shoved.

Now remember, this Goofy is kind of a horrible person, so he responds in kind and then throws his hands up, gangster-style. Granted, his job is already over at this point, so he's got nothing left to hold him back when the angry dude decides that it's time to beat Goofy up. They quickly become enthralled in the most hilarious brawl I've ever seen. Goofy gets the worst of it - sort of. Imagine trying to pummel a man encased in foam armor. It doesn't really protect, but it sure as heck gets in the way, kind of like a hockey fight. At some point Goofy did manage to get the guys shirt over his head, pummeling him with the full wrath of white cartoon gloves. I'm not breaking up this fight. I just call security and keep everyone away from it. Security gets there pretty fast (we were close by), but before they arrive Goofy has head all spun around and is finally missing a glove. His overalls are ripped, he's missing buttons and various accessories, but best of all he's still swearing and throwing fists like a sailor, pissing off the security dudes even more. If only smartphones had been invented. Twelve years later and I'm still laughing about it. There were about 40 kids to witness Goofy get his butt kicked.

Goofy did, of course, lose his job. His assailant, however, gets turned over to the cops. I got to make my first police statement. I did hear later on that the guy was arrested and charged with assault."

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"He Was Bleeding Pretty Profusely"

"I was walking out of the Space Mountain break room and saw one of my guy friends at the 'Honey I shrunk the audience' area look like he was about to vomit and one of my girlfriends who was laughing hysterically. Apparently, in the dark of the theater, some girl decided this would be a good time to go down on her boyfriend. Little did she know, about halfway into the show, one of the effects is this little tube that comes wiggling out of the seat to simulate mice running by your legs. This hit her throat, she bit down, and he was bleeding pretty profusely."

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"Everyone Got A Show That Day"

"I worked at Magic Kingdom. One of my coordinators was called over to the front of Splash Mountain where there were already a couple security guards. A woman who was pretty messed up on some sort of substance was running around screaming that her boyfriend was Peter Pan and she was waiting for him to get off work to take her to Neverland.

She then started doing handstands and such. Oh, she was also wearing a skirt and no undies, so everyone got a show that day."

The Saddest Jerk At The Happiest Place On Earth
The Saddest Jerk At The Happiest Place On Earth

"A fellow cast member was ringing up a guest for an item and he looked a little upset. She did the Disney thing and asked, 'How's everything been going sir? Happiest place still the happiest?'

He responded with, 'No, something happened today.'

'What's wrong? What happened?' She asked.

'I wanted to get my Mickey ears embroidered, but they wouldn't do it,' he replied.

She inquires, 'What did you want embroidered on it?'

'I wanted it to say 'God Hates Gay People,' but those pricks said it was against policy,' he said bitterly.

She wasn't so nice to him after that."

Talk About A Nutcracker...
Talk About A Nutcracker...

"One Christmas at EPCOT's Germany Pavilion I was hanging out as the Nutcracker. I would do photo meet and greets every hour. First set of the day I walk out in full gear, green pants and white knobs for hands. The first kid walks up to me, super excited! Being the short 6-year-old that he was, he holds onto my leg for the picture. 'Aww!' says his mom as she fumbles with the camera.

Then I feel it. While his mom takes a lifetime to snap the picture, the boy's hand begins to rise. I thought nothing of it until... 'Say cheese!' GRAB! She snaps the picture while I use all my energy not to make a sound or punch him with my ball hand. He releases, finally, turns to his mother and says:

'Mommy, mommy, IT'S A BOY NUTCRACKER!!'

Nutcracker indeed."

Yo Ho, Yo Ho
Yo Ho, Yo Ho

"I worked at Walt Disney World for two years. One time, a friend of mine is watching the camera for Pirates of the Caribbean (the whole ride is videos with night vision cameras and someone has to watch in case something happens). A guy and girl get on and as soon as the ride turns dark she whips out his schlong and just goes to town. He must have surprised her by going in her mouth because she immediately shot back (like jerked her body upwards), and made the 'omgomgomg I think I'm gonna puke' gesture (you know, like with the hands flapping next to her face). He's laughing pretty hard, the people in the seat in front of them are oblivious, and she apparently swallows.

Fast forward 1 minute and the entire ride staff know, so as the couple gets off the ride they make a line and clap for her. No one on the ride has any idea and they all think it's part of the show so they're all giddy and excited. Meanwhile, the girl is as red as a tomato and the guy is beaming with pride."

That's Not Very Minnie-Like Behavior
That's Not Very Minnie-Like Behavior

"A girl I went to high school with had dreams of being a Disney Princess (she didn't have the looks for it) and thus joined the college program straight out of high school. She ended up getting a gig as a Minnie for a while, and a regular cast member in a gift shop when she wasn't in character. Eventually, she got knocked up by Goofy and pregnant Minnie wasn't about to be a thing, so she ended up working with their guest relations doing phone work for a while. Not sure what she's up to now. Last I heard, she's back in the parks was trying to get a transfer for her and her kid to move to the Paris park."

Two College Students, One Monorail Car
Two College Students, One Monorail Car

"I did one of those internships at the Magic Kingdom about six years ago. My girlfriend at the time and I decided to have one last romantic outing, watching the fireworks show at the Magic Kingdom. We left our apartments and went out for an evening of reflection and emotion.

We arrived at the parking lot where you have to decide between taking the monorail or the ferry boat to the park entrance. We opted for the speedier monorail because we were running late to the show. When we get to the station, a red monorail shows up. We promptly get onboard the first car but to our surprise, nobody joined us.

We both kept fairly quiet, awkwardly smiling at guests as they walked on past. They were all leaving. Doors shut, we disembark. What happens when you put two college-aged students of opposite gender in a monorail car with tinted windows, suspended 70ft in the air? You get a magical ride to pound town on the Magic Kingdom's newest attraction, The Red Rocket High Flyin' Sky Adventure.

This 'dream come true' continues for about ten minutes until we stop just above the main gate overlooking the castle. The station ahead is still boarding, and our car had stopped. We both keep bumpin' away in this monorail ride turned log-flume and at that moment, the fireworks show began. We were late. But luckily enough, our own fireworks show commenced inside of Red Monorail car #1.

We arrived at the station ahead. When we exited our car, I felt a deep guilt for what was soon to engulf each family. I just knew that every kid was asking their parents why it smelled and the parents had to live with that lie, and smell, for their ten minute ride back to the parking lot. We then went and ate some ice cream. I had chocolate. It was dope."

The Elephant With Five Legs
The Elephant With Five Legs

"I was a safari driver at the Kilimanjaro safari attraction in Animal Kingdom. We had this elephant named Willy. Willy was an exhibitionist.

I was driving a safari one day, spewing out facts about Elephants when I hear a tiny voice from the back of the truck yell, 'MOOOOM! HE HAS FIVE LEGS!!!' I turn, and sure enough, there's Willy, standing with his five-foot-long man part just swaying in the Florida breeze. I had to turn my mic off I was laughing so hard."

"They Were Freaking Out"

"I worked custodial (or as we called it, show keeping) in Hollywood Studios. Once, I was at Indiana Jones (Epic Theater) and it was pouring rain to the point where everyone was hiding inside. I had a family ask me when it was going to stop raining (because I can control that). I said I wasn't sure. They were freaking out cause their son had to go to the bathroom. The theater was outdoors with a cover on top, and the nearest bathroom was across the street. They didn't want to go there because they would get wet. I had to give them a trash bag so their son could pee off to the side in some bushes."

No Wonder This Ride Is Rumored To Be Haunted IRL
No Wonder This Ride Is Rumored To Be Haunted IRL

"I'm an overnight cast member. Please PLEASE leave your cremated loved ones at home. Stop dumping them in Haunted Mansion. They just get vacuumed up and disposed of."

Making The Most Of Technical Difficulties
Making The Most Of Technical Difficulties

"I used to work at Disneyland. I was an attraction cast member and operated the ferris wheel (so just pushing buttons all day). One day we had a downtime for about 15-20 minutes and when we were cleared by the maintenance and started to operate again, we unloaded the people who were stuck on the ferris wheel.

Long story short, this couple were getting off the ride and the girl's clothes were falling off of her. Half her chest was showing while her boyfriend was fixing his pants. Respect to them for utilizing our technical difficulty to their advantage."

She Noticed A Disturbing Trend

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She Noticed A Disturbing Trend

"A friend told me that when she was working there she noticed that there is a big audience for 'Disney videos,' in which people touch themselves in Disney rides and upload it online. A lot of people seem to be into that. Gross."

He Had His Shenanigans Perfectly Timed

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He Had His Shenanigans Perfectly Timed

"I used to be a Cast Member and would work evenings on the attraction Sounds Dangerous: Staring Drew Carey. Sadly, this attraction is now closed, but it was fun for me during my College Program. Most of the workers didn't like the gig because you had to get on stage and give a speech, and it was a 'one man show' kind of attraction, so you worked alone. For me, it was a chance to get a few hours to myself while working in the busy park.

Anyone who is familiar with the attraction knows that there were eight minutes of complete darkness during the show so that they can play mind games with sounds (buzzing bees, knives whizzing past your head, etc.). What they didn't know is that I had a monitor in the back connected to a night vision camera so I could keep an eye out for children that got scared and I could help escort them out.

Yeah, it was fun to watch the reaction of audience members when the sounds were happening, especially how everyone would squirm and scream when the elephant squirted water at them, but it was far more interesting to watch people who thought no one could see them.

I never saw anything that extreme, but here is my wildest story. One time, as soon as the lights went out, I saw a guy straight up fooling around with his girlfriend/wife. It was obvious that he had been on the attraction before because he had it timed perfectly so that no one knew what he was doing. He wasn't even caught when the lights suddenly came on, and he was back at it as soon as the lights went out again.

These kinds of things were not a common occurrence, but it was funny to watch those people carry on as if nothing ever happened afterward."

She Will Never Look At Timon The Same Way
She Will Never Look At Timon The Same Way

"I was working backstage at Festival of the Lion King and from inside the head I had just helped him put on, Timon said some inappropriate stuff. My coworker and I were pretending we were mad at each other over something dumb and Timon said, 'Well, the best way to get over a fight is to take your clothes off and go to town on each other!'

My coworker just looked down at the floor and said, 'I don't think my wife would like that very much.' It was quite awkward and sort of soured Timon as a character for me."

Words of Wisdom

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Words of Wisdom

"I used to have an internship at Walt Disney World. Whenever those Christian groups would come to the parks, so many slipping off to fool around in bushes, in bathrooms, etc. I remember being told by a security guard to just expect it and to have mercy on the janitors."

He Walked In On A Couple

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He Walked In On A Couple

"I once saw a couple fooling around in the Golden Horseshoe at Disneyland. There's a pair of couches at the top of the stairs and the second floor is usually empty after the shows finish for the day.

Well, I walked up there just to check on the place and noticed a girl had her head on a guy's lap and it was covered by a blanket. There was movement. Now I knew what was going on, but I acted like I didn't and said, 'Oh no, is she feeling alright? Do you need me to call first aid?' The look on his face was priceless as he muttered something about her just being tired! They left shortly after."

Honestly, What Is It About The Pirates Ride?

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Honestly, What Is It About The Pirates Ride?

"One couple started fooling around on Pirates of the Caribbean, not realizing that they were being watched the entire time by a ride attendant through security monitors. When the ride attendant announced over the loudspeakers to 'Put it back in your pants,' they were so surprised they almost fell off the boat!"

A 20 Minute Ride With No Kids...
A 20 Minute Ride With No Kids...

"A Small World after all is a ride love for kids. Kids also love parades. During the off-season, A Small World becomes abandoned by the kids for the parades. A Small World is a long 20-minute ride. A lot of adults will get their own boat and do the dirty during the 20 minutes."

The Legend Of The Mylar Table
The Legend Of The Mylar Table

"I used to work at Disneyland. At Pirates of the Caribbean, there is a spot called the Mylar Table. On the ride, it's at the burning city where the windows make it look like flames, but it's just lighting on mylar fabric with a fan blowing. Well, that table has hosted an awful lotta foolin' around over the years. It was almost a rite of passage at the time. However, that was pre-911, so who knows if it's still such a glorious spot for after-hours shenanigans."

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