"My son was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder as a child. The psychologist downplayed that and I never realized just how series it was. He was a pathological liar. He lied to cover up his bad behavior and lied just for the fun of it. I had high hopes he had outgrown his problems when he joined the military, but it turned out his lies just got a lot bigger. He got married and had a kid, quit the military and ended up not working at all. His wife was supporting him. He played every angle, ending up claiming PTSD from being overseas despite the fact that his job was a computer desk job - he never saw any ground combat but he got a little disability money anyway.
Well, one day, I get a call that he has filed a police report against me for all sorts of crimes. This came out of the blue - no fight or argument preceded it. I was stunned.
He claimed I abused him as a child and assaulted him as an adult, plus committed murder and kidnapping. He threw a bunch of other accusations into the mix as well. He said neighbors and students at his grade school had abused him. The list of crimes that he claimed had been committed against him was very, very long. And he had never reported any of it until that day. So the police formally investigated me for six months and found zero evidence to support anything he claimed and the matter was dropped.
Anyway, to say he's a toxic sociopath would probably be an understatement. I don't miss him at all. It's a relief to have him and his crazy wife out of my life for good.
I did seriously contemplate suing him for slander -- I would have won, too, but I know him and he would have loved it. He thrives on chaos.
People think a kid can't be born bad. I know from experience that's not the case. He was always like this, he just got better at it.
I do feel bad for the evil I unknowingly unleashed on the world, but I've paid heavily for that mistake. His biological dad was also a pathological liar and deadbeat dad, but I always thought I could overcome those genes by raising him with values and ethics. It seems to me that nature trumps nurture."
"When I married my husband he already had two older children that lived with their mother. My husband and I ended up having two kids of our own. While my oldest was an infant, my stepchildren moved in with us and that's when everything started.
They caused SO many problems for us. I'm talking heavy substance abuse, sneaking out and getting arrested, you name it. The older of the two called CPS twice and made up lies about me being abusive. As a new mom the investigations were terrifying, but in the end, they found their claims to be false. The final straw of them living with us was when we got wind of them getting involved with the wrong crowd and the possibility of our home getting 'shot up.' Their dad sent them to live with their mother again.
I'm just going to jump to when the actual cutoff happened, but keep in mind we had an endless amount of horrible incidents with them over the years, and we tried to help them countless times. They were both in their 20s at this point. Essentially, we discovered they were stealing from my side of the family. They robbed my sister of her fine jewelry and took what we totaled to be around $25K from three family members. Beyond that, they had an illegal substance operation going on in a family member's summer cottage (the family member didn't know they were even there, as he lived elsewhere most of the time).
When confronted by their dad, they blew up. They said some of the most hateful things I've ever heard, and spit in his face. That was it for us. They took advantage of people that love them very much and had no remorse for it."
"My stepson is a mess; my husband and his ex-wife divorced when my stepson was 18-months-old, and his mom had done whatever she could to cut dad completely out of his life until he was eight when she showed up at our door with him in tow and his bags. She said she couldn't handle him anymore, all he would do was fight with his siblings, so if we didn't take him then she was going to take him to the children's home. Of course, my husband was excited to finally spend time with his son, and he would get to bond with his little half-brother who was four at the time and stepsister who was 10.
It became apparent very quickly that he had been fed lie after lie about his dad - he would gleefully share very detailed stories about the 'abuse' that he remembered that he and his mom suffered at the hands of my husband. He was in therapy but really started escalating dangerous behaviors. My daughter would wake up in the middle of the night with him standing over her saying, 'Next time you'll never wake up.' We put a lock on her door which he broke through with ease, so we put a deadbolt on her door and he broke the door frame trying to get to her. His little brother would walk by and he would kick him as hard as he could, he bit him until he would draw blood. The last straw for me was when he barricaded himself in his room with his little brother. I could hear my son screaming. When I finally got in my stepson was abusing him. That for me was the last straw. He needed more help than what his therapist or we could do for him. The next day child services were contacted and he was removed from our home.
A few weeks later CPS gave us pages and pages of psychological evaluations that his mom had on him. Pages of her blaming dad for each of his issues, lies that he had beat him although there were statements from doctors that had clearly outlined that mom and her family had some serious undiagnosed mental issues. There was so much information that would have been helpful before he came to live with us. I would never tell my husband that he cannot see his son, but his son is never allowed around my children, I made that promise to them both. I hate that my husband is in the middle, but for our safety, I've cut off any contact with my stepson.
I still feel guilty, like we should have done more, but I couldn't help but feel it was only going to get worse. My son is doing great, it took awhile to get him back to 'normal,' but he doesn't really remember everything. If it does come up, we answer questions honestly but are also quick to remind him that we promised he won't have to see him again, and we mean it. For now, it works for him."
"I'm not the ideal father in this situation, I know it. All I can say is that this whole thing weighs heavily on me.
I was 19-years-old when my first daughter was born. Her mother decided to leave me when she was about 2 years of age. She wasn't 'in it' anymore and found what she was looking for in the arms of a narcissistic dealer, for a while anyway. Later this would turn into severe dependency, depression, etc - a lifelong struggle kind of thing. My eldest daughter has turned into a remarkable young lady, but like anyone has her own things she deals with.
Just shy of three years later, my second daughter was born to a different mother. We dated but were not really serious, one of those types of things. This was very difficult for me as I was 22-year-old, already paying child support and was financially and emotionally stunted. I wasn't ready to deal with this again and that's on me. I wish I had a better mind at the time, but I had almost no contact with my second daughter until she was 7 years of age as I was just avoiding dealing with the fact that I was a single father with two children and two mothers.
Yet around my youngest 7th birthday, I made the commitment that I would be involved if she was interested. I had come to my senses that I was being a selfish father and I didn't want to be that person anymore. Her mother thought it would be a good thing for everyone and it was great. I had both the girls over to my home on weekends and we cooked together, watched TV, went to parks, etc. I really enjoyed this time with them and remember it very fondly - just me and the young ladies that made me a special person.
I lived in the Midwest during all this and eventually began to date a woman from the South who I've known for a very long time. It started as long distance dating and eventually marriage. She wanted to move to where I was at but was unable to due to the legal system involving her own children, so I made the decision to move South and be with my wife. This was the hardest thing I've ever had to do as it meant that I wouldn't be around the girls on a regular basis. My girls were 12 and 9 at this point.
I paid my child support regularly and soon began to plan to have my girls come visit and they did from time to time. My oldest visited more frequently as her mother had issues and she wanted to be away from it, and her mom would also help with the travel expenses involved. I also would visit from time to time.
The youngest would come to visit during the summer and this part is where things started happening. She was to stay with us for a month during the summer as was agreed upon. Once she came to visit, her mother would constantly be on the phone with her for hours. There was rarely a gap in their constant communication. I expressed to her mom that this was the time that we have with my youngest and we would like to spend it with her. This was met with, 'She isn't comfortable in the house and misses home.' This continued on a daily basis. I asked my daughter if she was nervous about being with us down here and she said, 'Yes, I miss my mom.' I understand that, so eventually, her mother drove down and picked her up 2 weeks into the visit.
Next year, we did the same thing. Had both girls down for the summer, and agreed that the visit would be 3 weeks. Once again, my eldest was excited to be here and my youngest couldn't get off the phone with her mother. Once again, I expressed that we would like to have the time with her that we are allowed and once again, the visit was cut short - this time only one week after she had arrived. Frustrating. Eventually, my oldest moved in with us and attended her first two years of high school. She wanted to be with us for a while to get away from the things at home. During her sophomore year, she came to me one night and said, 'Dad, [my youngest] is telling people that you abuse her.' I was absolutely floored. The first thing I remember was confusion, anger, panic. I called but she refused to talk to me, though she did say she hated me.
So I tried contacting her mother and her response was, 'I'm not sure what's going on.'
I attempted over the next six to eight months to make contact with either my youngest or her mother but was met with 'She isn't ready' kind of statements. I recall asking her mom directly, 'Do you really believe that I am capable of something like this?'
Answer: 'No, but I don't know what to think.'
Y'all - this changed me. I went into depression, withdrew from my family and still feel affected on a daily basis. I'm a mess sometimes. My mind is confused, I have panic episodes and a difficult time focusing on tasks. I had frequent anger outbursts, the list goes on.
She is 17 now. I've sent birthday and Christmas wishes and all that kind of thing and expressed that I care for her and would love to see her, but it is completely one-sided. She never calls, nor makes attempts at communication. I see her on social media frequently with just the trashiest things, talking about promiscuity, illegal substances, that sort of thing. She's obsessed with her appearance and how men perceive her.
I gave up trying to communicate with her this year in January. The last thing I said to her was that I loved her. I think she is a wonderful young lady, and I'm here for her if she ever wants to talk or come visit. I would welcome her with open arms but I haven't heard a word back, but I watch from a distance and sometimes, I am disgusted from the window from which I have to watch her. I am afraid that she is turning into a very trashy young lady and it's like watching something you know you can't affect. We make our own beds and lie in them. I wish I had been a better father to her."
"Let's start with when she was twelve. She was already a handful, but that was when she stole the babysitter's car and wrecked it into three other cars and a building. We ended up going bankrupt. When she was fifteen. she and her 'friends' stole heirlooms from us and medications. She made up lies about what a big substance dealer I was and how I abused her. Yeah, yeah, I might plead guilty to that if you will take her off my hands. Basically, she has a mental illness and likes to not take her meds, run wild, and party. Gloss over, gloss over, basically, she has made our lives a living nightmare.
I had cancer about four years ago and survivors last three to eight years, on average. She was going through a non-medicated stage and had left her boyfriend and special needs toddler. I then made the comment, 'How do you think he feels about his mother leaving?' and she went totally ballistic on me. I won't post most of what she said, but, 'You're a sick old man and I hope you die a lonely painful death!' was a defining moment for me.
Life, considering, is too short to put up with that stuff. It's been 25 years since she was 12 and I am/was old and tired and have/had put up with enough. I will not acknowledge her nor speak to her. Even though my wife is an enabler, she knows better than to go there. As far as I am concerned, my daughter disappeared at about ten and was replaced by a monster.
I've tried and given up, it weakens me too much to fight her mental demons and mine, too. I hope she finds the help she needs, but don't bother calling me and telling me if she does. I'll most likely be dead."
"My husband's oldest daughter is not part of our lives at this point. We basically discovered that everything she ever said was a lie.
She got involved with a younger guy that's a real piece of work. He's horrible to her and her daughters. She called the police on him, kicked him out, said she was never going to see him again. We made it clear that he would not be allowed around us or the other kids for any reason.
She says she's pregnant. His dad blasts them on Facebook for being idiots, pointing out what an irresponsible mother she already is. She goes on a rant about how she pays her bills and takes care of her girls. The whole time, I'm thinking, 'I paid your gas so it wouldn't get shut off, I am apparently the only one attempting to feed your kids something other than marshmallows, and I'm the only one that ever expects them to behave.' Not to mention the million times I've cleaned caked on dirt from their feet or necks because she won't bathe them properly.
She had a miscarriage the next day and wanted some kind of sympathy, even though she had been hoping for a miscarriage until her bio mom convinced her that she needed another grandbaby. Anyway, a day or two later she asks for a ride. I ask who/when/where. She wants us to give abusive ex that has already moved back in with her a ride to the store. No. I reminded her that we're not doing anything for him ever and pointed out that it's pretty disrespectful of our wishes to try to force him on us.
She threw a tantrum, he threw a tantrum. She told us get over it or don't speak to her and the grandbabies again. I told her I'm not having that abusive piece of trash around her siblings. She can either respect that or move on without us. She chose the abuser. We've run into them driving around town a few times. The guy will literally hang out the window of the car screaming, making faces, and flipping us off every time. They act like they're still 12.
I miss my grandchildren, but I don't miss their mother."
"My husband walked away from his daughter because her mother did everything in her power to prevent or destroy any semblance of a father-daughter relationship. Lots of mind games, lying, passive-aggressive behavior and character assassination (her mom told everyone my husband physically abused her and daughter). We didn't have the money for a lawyer or family to lend money to us; we're on our own.
Every single court-ordered visit was a battle with the mom and it was so hard on his little girl. In the end, my husband felt it was best if his daughter (4-years-old by then) was adopted by her stepfather, as he seemed like a decent guy and figured he would be raising both the mom and daughter, only for the mom to repeat the process with the stepdad three years and two more kids later. I can only imagine what sorts of lies the daughter has been told about her biological father. She's 15 now. Someday we hope to reconnect, away from her mother's influence."
"I have three kids, two daughters, and one son. They're all adults. I got married at 20 and we had them one after another. For years, my wife and I blamed ourselves about how my youngest girl turned out. Being so young, right out of community college, I wasn't making a lot, so I did the best I could. But we wonder if it was nutrition or the dump we stayed in or something that made her be born with severe borderline personality disorder.
We didn't know what it was at first. She was really difficult. We tried our best to raise her well. By the time we figured out what was wrong with her, she was set with really bad behaviors. We still think she's the one that mutilated the neighbor's cat but can't prove it. As of two years ago, she refused to take her medications, was sleeping around with whoever would party with her, stealing money, and generally being really difficult.
We told her to leave and never come back. We tried to get her into a state mental place, but it wasn't an option. So we just closed our doors and moved shortly after. Honestly, I don't know what happened to her since. I tell people I only have two kids. My wife is devastated, but I'm just relieved; sorry, baby K."
"He is going to be out of jail later this month. I don't want him to come home. He has substance abuse issues and cannot be trusted not to steal. He has been through at least six grand theft auto cases since he was a teen. Generally, because he was from a good family he has gotten off easy. He has been in jail for the last year for stealing cars. I know he wants to come home and try to right everything, but when he lived at home in the past, it was all just too much. Selling illegal substances, committing assaults, stealing cars, being a disgusting pig towards young, sometimes underage women.
I love my son, but unless he can go to the halfway house and rehab and not steal anymore, I just am not comfortable with him at home."
"Nineteen years ago, I was in the Navy at that time and go home for a pre-deployment visit with my family where I met and had a 'leave girlfriend.' We fooled around for a few days then I went back to my duty station. I send her a couple of letters trying to get in touch with her, but she never writes back.
Fast forward to 2009. I get a court summons for a paternity test. Turns out the ol' gal was married when we hooked up, and, stupid 24-year-old me believed her when she said she was on the pill. She got pregnant and told her hubby it was his. When they divorce she tells the truth. Due to aforementioned letters, she knew how to find me and sue me for child support.
I try to get to know the now-11-year-old child. It was a nightmare! She was convinced that it was all my fault and I was to blame for it all, including her parents divorce. I cut her off because she was toxic to me and the kids I had after she was born. Her mother uses her as a bank and still is trying now that the girl is 18 and graduated from high school. I hope someday she will see the truth about her mother, but I doubt it."
"The final straw was when she met a random guy in a bar and within three weeks, had a huge tattoo with his name done on her leg, was engaged and married and never said a word--all while she lived with us. We found out after seeing it on Facebook and wouldn't have known his name if we hadn't seen the tattoo.
I lost it, threw her out and didn't speak to her for several months. Of course, they were divorced after a year or so. I have apologized by email for handling it badly but she has somehow twisted things in her head and laid blame entirely on me.
It is going on six years. We have seen one another a couple of times but it is cold. I sort of keep up with her incognito on Facebook, but it is painful. Now, at 36, she hangs out with an ex-friend of mine and calls her 'mom.' The childless, sociopathic ex-boyfriend refers to her as 'daughter.' It is extremely difficult -- I literally have no idea how to deal with it. I do know that this pseudo-mom-thing is keeping it going.
I miss her every day."
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