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"I'm Bringing My New Girlfriend Home To Meet My Parents...And The Girl She Replaced"

"I dated my first girlfriend during the summer between high school and college. We got really close (for a couple of 18-year-olds) so she was over at my house a lot, and my mom loved her. A few weeks into college, I decided the long distance thing wasn't for me and broke up with her. A little while later I got a new girlfriend at the college I was attending.
Fast forward to the first day of Christmas break and I'm bringing new girlfriend (who is now my wife) home to meet the parents and she's going to stay the night before going home to her parent's. Well a few weeks before Christmas break my mom decides to let my ex-girlfriend move into a spare room of our house because she got kicked out of her's. Words cannot express how uncomfortable of a situation it was bringing a new girlfriend home to meet my parents, as well as the girl she replaced - who was also living there."

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"I Hadn't Forgotten His Piercing Blue Eyes"

"My biological mom lost custody of me when I was 3 or so. I was violated by her boyfriend. A few years later she contacts my father and asks to see me, dad obliges by driving me up to visit with her on Christmas Eve (supervised by himself, of course). A few hours and one gift-wrapped Hanson CD later we're headed home and I'm eagerly planning my next visit with her.
We do a few more supervised visits that year and when summer rolls around my dad cautiously agrees to an unsupervised day trip to the water park. My biological mom makes the three-hour drive to pick me up and she takes me back to her super cool, bohemian style cabin in the mountains so we can get ready. Once there she tells me that she's invited a friend to tag along and he'd be there to pick us up soon. Friend arrives and it takes all of 3 seconds for 9-year-old me to know exactly who he is. I was only 3 when I had last seen him, but I hadn't forgotten his piercing blue eyes and chewing tobacco breath. I was too scared to say anything in front of him. Biological mom tells me that she has bought me a new swim suit and that I should try it on before we leave. She directed me to a closet with beads for a door. I went in and sat in a corner crying until she finally came in and asked me what was wrong. I whispered to her that I knew who the man was and that I really wanted to go home.
I think she panicked, not expecting me to recognize him and told him to leave. She took me home shortly after, picking up a 6 pack and drinking it on the way. She hinted that I shouldn't tell my dad, that it would cause problems and that I wouldn't be able to see her ever again. I told my dad the second I walked in the door and she was right, it did cause problems and I didn't get to see her again, thank god."

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"I Lie There Accepting My Fate"

"When I was about 17 I went to a house party with a small group of friends. It wasn't really a party but more of a small social gathering where everyone drinks until they go to sleep. The house we were in was a decent size and had a few rooms and various places to sleep. Eventually, myself and a friend (we're both guys) end up just lying in a double bed with a beer chatting about games and life. The party had sort of fizzled out and I had been having some issues with a girl I liked so had decided to chat to him about it. After about 20 minutes, the chatting had slowed and we were both looking to fall asleep. I was facing the opposite way to him but due to the fact I had a lot on my mind, I was very much awake. All of a sudden the door creaked open and I heard a girl come in that we were both friends with. She whispered asking if he was awake and asked if she could get into the same bed with us as there was nowhere else to sleep. He said it was fine and then gently pushed closer up to me to allow her to get in. I wasn't in the mood for any more chat so figured I'd pretend to be asleep.
That's when it started. I'm sort of lost in my thoughts when I start to hear kissing, I figure, 'Screw it, they're going to make out a bit because they're feeling good, no big deal.' Then I start to hear more rustling around and am starting to work out in my head if I'm going to have to say anything. I miss my chance and then lie there accepting my fate. It gets to the point where I feel like if I say anything now it'll look weird like I've been okay with everything prior. Then, I feel his bare butt push against my back and he's breathing like a dog after a long walk. 'Fap fap fap' until he eventually gives the girl her prize.
I have never, ever experienced a more horribly uncomfortable thing in my entire life."

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"It Was A Look Of Pure Hatred And Murder"

"My ex-girlfriend's ultra conservative/religious sheriff father walked in on us while she was doing stuff to me at 3 am.
He kicked us both out of his house and we ended up sleeping in my car.
The next day, her mom invited us to have dinner at their house and lectured us on how what we were doing was disrespectful to God and disrespectful to them, we should save it for marriage, etc. The entire time you could tell her dad was fuming. He barely said 2 words the entire meal. It was highly uncomfortable.
Well, after dinner, her parents go to bed and we watch a movie in the living room. My girlfriend starts getting handsy and I'm telling her there's no way I'm risking it. She says her parents are super heavy sleepers and their floor is super creaky, so we will hear them coming.
Well, adult things happen, and next thing I know, we're doing it in the middle of the living room. I close my eyes for 1 second and when I open them, her dad is standing there with a facial expression that is burned into my mind 10 years later. It was a look of pure hatred and murder. We end up grabbing a blanket and trying to cover up, but the damage was done.
Her dad and I both completely gave up on any sort of relationship at that point. I ended up dating her for another 2 years and went to her house all the time, but her father never spoke another word to me after that night."

It's Never A Good Thing To Live Next Door To You Boss

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It's Never A Good Thing To Live Next Door To You Boss

"A few years ago I was seeing a girl in the Netherlands. We both worked for the same company, although I was in the London office and she worked in our Dutch office.
We had to keep the relationship very quiet for a variety of reasons, the fact that we worked together was the main one, although it was also the case that we were both just coming out of long-term relationships and things were pretty messy.

Consequently, there was a lot of sneaking around and not being honest with colleagues/friends/family about where we were. I would sometimes tell my work that I was working from home or at a business meeting, but really I'd just be on my way to hang out with her.

Another complication was that her boss (who also happened to be my boss and fairly senior within our company) lived next door to her. I mean literally in the next apartment to her - you could see into his living room from her balcony. Everyone who knew told me to be careful as he didn't have a very high opinion of me as it was and being caught with her would be career suicide.

Because of his proximity to her place, I would usually schedule my trips around his - only going over to see her when we knew he would be away in a different city. But, inevitably, there were times when we would both be there and during those times I couldn't even walk down the street without constantly looking over my shoulder, ready to duck into a shop doorway at a moment's notice.

One day, in particular, she was out at work and I was hanging around in her apartment waiting for her to get home. I suddenly hear a loud banging at the front door, but it's not going to be for me so I try to ignore it. At that same moment, I get a frantic phone call from her telling me that he was on his way to the apartment to return a book, so I need to be careful. I ignore the knocking and just assume that he'll go away or put the book in the mailbox, so I just sit tight, palms sweaty.

But no. I hear the downstairs neighbor let him into the building and then the sound of him walking up the stairs to the apartment.

This being a pretty safe neighborhood and during the middle of the day, I didn't have the apartment door locked and I knew there was a very real possibility of him walking in at any second. Not only would it have been beyond uncomfortable for him to find me there, but I would have also been in quite a bit of trouble considering I was supposed to be at work - not in a totally different country on a naughty, intimate mission.

Like any adult man soon to be forced to face the consequences of his actions, I did the only honorable thing I could: I hid in a closet.

Sure enough, I heard him walk into the apartment and walk right past the closet to the living room to leave the book on the table. He was probably in the apartment for less than 30 seconds, but to me, it felt like a lifetime, particularly because I didn't dare draw breath during this time. Easily the most uncomfortable thing that's ever happened to me."

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"I Was In The Back Seat Scared To Ask To Get Out"

"A neighbor with a rather interesting history gave me a lift to town one night. On the way, he sees his half brother who has an even darker history than my neighbor. Half brother asks for a lift to a house a few miles away and when asked why he was going there he simply replied that he was going there to shoot someone. I was in the back seat feeling rather uncomfortable but scared to ask to get out in case he turned on me.
Something that shocked me was how nonchalantly my neighbor told him that was no problem and he'd be glad to give him a lift. I'm sitting in the back wondering how many people have gone to prison for being in the wrong place at the wrong time just like I was.
Thankfully, we dropped him off, he went his way and we went ours and he was arrested somehow before anything happened.
Northern Ireland was an interesting place back then."

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"His Wife Constantly Snuggled Up To Me"

"Got invited to a friend's house for dinner. Unknown to me I was the only one invited. I was seated on the couch next to his wife while he sat on a single chair opposite us. The wife constantly snuggled up to me, stroked my arm/face, all while making intimate comments. He just sat there watching this.
The meal was served strangely early, after which I made a quick escape. Pretty sure I'd been invited over so one of them could hook up with me.
I mentioned the incident to another mutual friend and he said he had a similar experience. He said the couple came into his shop, bought some stuff and asked if he wanted to stop in for drinks (they know he has a wife but she wasn't invited). Being the polite person he is he agreed and when asked for directions, the wife said not to worry because she'll stand at the intersection in her birthday suit and wave him which way to go."

It Should Have Been A Fantasy, But It Was Only A Nightmare To Him

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It Should Have Been A Fantasy, But It Was Only A Nightmare To Him

"Once I was at a friend's house for a birthday party and it was myself, the girl throwing the party, and two female friends who we will call C and A.
We were having a good time; it was low key, just drinks and talking. By the end of the night though we were all way too out of it to drive so we decided to sleepover in the living room as the birthday girl had extra blankets and stuff we could use. Trying to be the gentleman, I tried to give up the couch to one of my female friends, but C was already lying down and A declines, instead electing to get right underneath the covers with C on the floor. I think nothing of it, I take the couch and we all go to bed.
Well, late in the night, my bladder wakes me and I'm sort of groggy, coming to my senses, lower abdomen about to burst and that's when I hear a giggle. I look over and C and A are full on making out. Now I knew C was gay, but A?! What is happening? Before I can think I turn back over, I hear them continue to go at it. I'm trying to figure out what to do because I really have to pee.
I turn back over, still a little out of it, and they don't even realize I'm there and very clearly sitting up now.
Believe me when I say I was not aroused by what was going on. It's kind of a male fantasy to see two chicks go at it, but in that fantasy, you have permission to be watching, and you're not groggy, confused, and have to pee like no other.
So I'm sitting up, and I'm wondering to myself what do I do? Do I get up and just walk across the room like it's no big deal? Do I clear my throat to try to get their attention? Do I just say, 'Please stop it, this is like showing a sandwich to a starving person.'
Then it dawns on me that I've just been staring at them lost in thought for what is clearly way too long. Now I'm freaking out, what do I do now? I have to do something. They'll look over at any minute, surely. So I'm going over my options: try to say something, just walk, tell them about my sandwich situation, say something, walk casually, lonely sandwiches, say something, walk, sandwiches...
Instead of any of those options, I choose to lay back down as if nothing is going on, because why deal with a situation when you can just pretend it isn't happening? So I literally wait like 45 mins for them to stop and fall back asleep, the sound of canoodling and making out permeating through my head. Finally when both of them are asleep, I walk over to the bathroom and take the most glorious pee of my life.
Needless to say, it was a pretty upsetting night, and to add to it I had literally been talking to them earlier about how sometimes I feel like I'm just invisible to people. They told me I was being too hard on myself."

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"If You Bring Your Significant Other Over, You Are Only Allowed To Bring One"

"I don't judge, but if you come to my house with your significant other, you are only allowed to bring one, so choose wisely. Here is why!
Partner from work, we'll call him Vic, always talks about 'his chick.' 'My chick this, my chick that blah blah blah.' He's a cool enough dude, so he gets a family invite along with several others for my kid's birthday party.
He shows up with 'his chick.' Beautiful girl, very sweet, her and my wife hit it off, they spend all afternoon hanging, everything is awesome.
Christmas party rolls around, my significant other says, 'Don't forget Vic and his chick.' At work, I remind Vic that the party is Saturday at 8. Saturday rolls around, and Vic shows up with a beautiful girl. It's been a few months, I've had a little spiked egg nog, and she looks different. Whatever, it's his chick and I immediately don't want to be embarrassed by forgetting her name. I call over my significant other and say something like, 'Look who's here' smiling like an idiot. My significant other looks at me like I grew antlers and I can see she's confused. I'm used to this because I'm an idiot and do stupid things hourly.
Significant other finally says, 'Vic, is your chick coming?' The strange lady who has never been to my house begins crying as if I pepper sprayed her and shouts, 'You brought that woman here too!?' and unleashes a flurry of insults that would make R. Lee Ermey blush before walking back out the door to their car. I never saw her again.
Turns out this nice lady was his wife, but the lady who brought my kid a gift and spent the day planning daycare schedules with my wife was his girlfriend. Christmas party was awesome after that."

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"I Was Having A Borderline Panic Attack"

"It was my 18th birthday. To commemorate this day, my now ex-girlfriend and I had some hot birthday fun time in her apartment while her parents were gone. What made this particular time great aside from it being my birthday, was since we normally couldn't ever do it at my or hers, this was the first time we got to do it indoors.
We did round 1 on the couch and round 2 in her room. Afterward, I leave because her mom is coming home soon and we both had stuff to do before going out later for the birthday dinner. I'm waiting for the bus home and get a call from an unknown number, I answer it. It's her mom. She tells me she is holding a used rubber and asks me why it was under her couch. I freeze up and say, 'Uhhhhh I don't know,' and she responds with, 'Is it yours?' I finally say 'Yes.' She says firmly, 'Did you have relations in my house?' I sit there hoping for something resembling intelligence to come to my head; it doesn't 'Yes.'
I don't remember much of the conversation after that because I was having a borderline panic attack.
When it's over I call my girlfriend and she freaks out.
So I get home, shower, change, and I'm sitting on the couch decompressing watching TV and my mom calls me from the laundry room, I walk over and she's holding my pair of jeans from earlier and the other used rubber. 'What is this?' Me: 'Uuuuhhh.'
Her: 'Did you use it?' I finally used words: 'I was curious to know what it was like, so I put my finger in it.' Again I lose track of what I said after that because of the internal screaming and whatnot.
I'm sure she knew I was full of crap. She wasn't mad or anything, it was just a matter of me being super embarrassed."

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"He Went Into This Big Rant About How The Holocaust Is A Conspiracy"

"Last summer I took a bus to see my family. When I got on I realized that I was the only passenger. As a young woman, I was not super thrilled with this, but I took a seat as the bus driver informed me that we would have to wait for more people before we could leave.
I settled in and pulled out my book: The Yiddish Policeman's Union. The bus driver came over and asked what I was reading, and I explained that the book is a reimagining of what happens after the Holocaust. Totally deadpan, the guy said, 'Yeah, if you believe the Holocaust happened.'
At this point, I should have just smiled and pretended to have an urgent phone call. Instead, I responded. He went into this big rant about how the Holocaust is a conspiracy so that Jewish people can play the pity card. When I pointed to some of the evidence that the Holocaust happened, he quickly spewed back his own theories about how Hollywood staged Auschwitz and 'You know who Hollywood is run by.'
While most of the conversation is a blur, I remember distinctly him saying, 'The Germans were the real victims,' and 'America was on the wrong side of the war.' Awe-struck and worried I was going to be murdered since I was the only person on the bus, I simply replied, 'I'll have to research more on the subject.'
After he left me for a moment, he came back to my seat with a guitar. He 'serenaded me' (his words) until more people finally arrived. I was most surprised at how talented he was; dude was a bad person but could really play guitar. One of the weirdest things I have ever experienced and also the first and only time I've encountered a Holocaust denier. Shook me to my core though; how someone could be that deluded and unfeeling, I will never understand."

She Was Coming On Strong, And He Wasn't Having It

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She Was Coming On Strong, And He Wasn't Having It

"My freshman year of college, I worked in the cafeteria as part of a work study program. One of the other work study students was a girl who was a junior at the time. I was friendly with her at work, but she started to take it the wrong way and was being very flirty. She grabbed my butt a few times and even rubbed against my junk while in the back freezer. I was one part completely oblivious (being the super shy 18-year-old virgin) and one part completely uninterested in any type of contact with this person.

So one night, it's just me and her closing. We are talking and discover that we both don't have class until later the next day. She says 'Why don't you come back to my room and have a couple drinks and watch a movie?' I liked drinks and movies, so why not? I assumed she had a roommate who would be doing the same. However, she lived in a single room. So she changes from work clothes to short shorts and a skimpy t-shirt and lays in bed while I sit at her desk. She puts the TV on and it's showing Boy Meets World (love that show). I proceed to awkwardly sit at her desk while she keeps asking why I don't come over to the bed, aren't my work clothes uncomfortable, isn't that desk chair terrible to sit in, etc. I kind of just shut down at the point. I don't talk to her and stay focused on the TV. I finish watching the episode and get up and leave, barely saying goodbye. I kind of ran back to my dorm and was like, 'WTF JUST HAPPENED!?'

The rest of the work year with her was very uncomfortable. She got a boyfriend a few weeks later and would constantly say how I missed out. I didn't know what I was missing. And then she introduced me to her boyfriend one night and he said, 'Oh, so this is the guy who missed out' then grabs her butt and makes out with her, right in the cafeteria - it was a wild ride for sure."

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"This Guy Shows Up With Like 20 Roses"

"Two weeks after I got back home from my study abroad semester, I went to see my girlfriend's presentation at her school about her final project.
After the presentation was over, I was talking with my girlfriend's family when all of a sudden this guy shows up with like 20 roses and begs my girlfriend to take him back in front of everyone. Turns out she was cheating on me with him, he didn't know about it, her family didn't know about it, and of course, I thought we were still together. You can imagine my reaction when she leaves with him and sends me a text saying that she needs time to think about stuff. It was the most uncomfortable experience in my whole life.
Later I found out by one of her friends that she was actually 'dating' the other guy while I was away and had asked him for some 'time to think' when I got back. Her plan was to break up with me without him noticing we were also 'dating.'
They're still together as far as I know, but it took me some time to get over that one."

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"There Was No Joy To Be Had On That Trip"

"Many years ago, a big family trip was planned to go out and visit my brother, my now ex-sister-in-law, and their baby. It was going to be loads of fun, we were going to hang out in California and have a grand old time.
The day before we were set to leave, my brother called me in shock and in tears. He'd just discovered that my ex-sister-in-law was cheating on him with not just one other guy. She'd been cheating on him for awhile, while he was out on deployment and then continued when he got home. I just let him cry on the phone.
It was too late to cancel the trip, so we all showed up to his house. He was crying. My ex-sister-in-law was crying and furious at me for being mad at her. My dad just wanted to leave. My mom was so upset she barely left the hotel we were staying at. There were no fun activities, there was no joy to be had on that trip. Instead of having a neat family vacation, I got front row seats to a marriage dissolving before my very eyes.
On the plus side, my brother now has a super awesome new girlfriend that I think is the bee's knees. I NEVER liked my ex-sister-in-law and I still hate her, but his new girlfriend is just aces. I guess he had to go through a crappy marriage to find someone who deserves him."

He Did Not Make A Good Impression On A Boat Full Of Models

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He Did Not Make A Good Impression On A Boat Full Of Models

"I was first mate on a stunt boat full of models there for a promotion. I slipped, fell headfirst into a footwell and became stuck, splitting my board shorts in the process and spilling my meat and two veggies into the breeze for everyone to see and admire. One model was sat in a seat directly in front of where I fell, my junk was literally 6 inches in front of her face while I was upside down in the footwell.
This happened as we were pushing away from the dock, I had to spend the next half hour with these stunning women while wearing a lifejacket as improvised pants."

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"They Refused To Believe I Was Not The Dancer"

"Years ago, I was a delivery driver for a place that tried to bill themselves as gourmet pizza. Since they were so classy, the drivers' uniforms were a tuxedo shirt and bow tie. I had the misfortune of delivering to two separate bachelorette parties in my time at this company, and on both occasions, the middle aged ladies refused to believe I was not the dancer. When I actually handed them the pizzas, they still tried to pay me to take my clothes off.
I know it sounds like it would be awesome, but it was beyond awkward, mortifying really. I could not get out of there fast enough.

"I Slowly Just Backed Into The Bathroom"

"So this was when I was 14. I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday party and I'm the only guy there the rest are 5 girls around my age (I'm one of those guys who can only make friends with girls for some reason). Anyway, we stayed up until about 1 am and watched movies. When we all finally decide it's time to sleep, I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth.
I walk out and all 5 of the girls are naked. Apparently, they had been changing into their night clothes but none of them deemed it important to tell me not to come out of the bathroom. They noticed and I slowly just backed into the bathroom like Homer Simpson into that bush. I came out 15 minutes later when everyone was dressed and we never spoke of it."

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