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Cindy Sounds Like A Winner

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Cindy Sounds Like A Winner

Cindy is a perpetual victim and manipulates situations to make herself a victim. She chooses to be miserable and wants everyone else to be miserable as well. At work, Cindy complains about everything and everyone to the supervisors. However, every single thing she complains about is something she is also guilty of doing. If we try to point that out to her, we are being "mean" to her. It's maddening. She also loves to specifically target individuals. For example, Cindy complained about someone not following the dress code to get that person in trouble. A memo went out to everyone reminding us of the rules. Cindy then started complaining about things she could no longer wear. Somehow Cindy's the victim. When I moved to a different cubicle, Cindy asked me if it was because of her. It had nothing to do with her. I told her no. Not good enough. Cindy then went to the supervisor and cried about how I moved to a new cube because of her. The supervisor had to talk to me about it. Cindy made herself a victim. Cindy's recent target is a coworker who reconciled with boyfriend and is really happy. We're not allowed to be happy. When that coworker went on vacation, Cindy went to the supervisors with false accusations of her not doing her job. We tipped off the coworker when she came back about Cindy's shenanigans and told her to ignore Cindy. Not good enough. Cindy's not getting enough attention over it so she's blocked the coworker on Facebook and won't speak to her at work. However, Cindy is telling everyone the coworker is mad at her. Cindy is the victim. Shut your piehole, Cindy. You're a pathetic bully. You're not a victim (Source)

Disgusting

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Disgusting

He takes a tester bottle of cologne and sprays it all over, neck, wrist, he unbuttons his shirt and sprays it in there, then he coats his sweater in it. (Source)

Can't Have It Both Ways

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Can't Have It Both Ways

"I really need my hours." Goes home early every chance she gets. Arrives late. Calls in to work.
"I don't know why I'm always doing task A. I want to do task B sometimes." Bitches when she gets put on task B. Wants to do task A again. And generally when she's on the job she's making some kind of careless mistake that gets everything behind schedule or is spending more time gossiping and socializing than she is actually working. Any actual work she does is the bare minimum. (Source)

Gotta Get In The Zone Bro

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Gotta Get In The Zone Bro

He plays his music aloud and doesn't use headphones. He'll only use headphones if he needs to tune out and get "in the zone." (Source)

Melissa!

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Melissa!

I work in HR. When we have people coming in for an interview my colleague talks first to them/escorts them to my office.
We have a lot of people coming in waaaaaay before the interview. But goddamnit Melissa, if I have a appointment on 3, don't send them to my office at 2:30. Tell them to wait. Give them coffee or a drink, but don't make me put up with all that while I don't even have the files in my office. You ruin my whole schedule. (Source)

Kiss A**

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Kiss A**

He kisses the site leads ass while he is here, takes him coffee, brings him lunch and stuff like that and then proceeds to talk mad sh_t about him when he leaves for the day telling everyone how he doesn't like him and he gets on his nerves and he doesn't know why he even talks to the guy. (Source)

WHAT?! CAN'T HEAR YOU

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WHAT?! CAN'T HEAR YOU

She uses sound canceling headphones and sings along to whatever she is listening to, talks loudly to herself, and when she yawns she does it as loudly as she can. Nobody says anything to her because she has been with the company forever.. (Source)

Close Quarter Pettiness

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Close Quarter Pettiness

He starts every sentence with "I" and is the most self centered person I've ever met. Also he won't turn off the stupid noise his phone makes when he is texting... that popping noise when you touch each keys. Working in close quarters makes people petty and I'm not immune haha (Source)

The Hatred Is Real

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The Hatred Is Real

He's an anal retentive, condescending control freak. He volunteers his dumb ass for literally everything and then b_tches and moans about having so much to do. And when he isn't doing that, he's trying to do my f_cking job, too! And I'd let him if he wasn't such a patronizing, holier than thou f_ck about everything. By the way he talks to me and everyone else, my cube neighbor asked me if he was a manager. I laughed and said no, he has power over no one. She then said nobody should let him talk to them the way he does. He whines all the time that he can't get a girl, and to me it's obvious why. He's a narcissist and a prick and no one in the office likes to be around him. (Source)

The Conversational Web

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The Conversational Web

Corners me into irritating, time-wasting "conversations," which are really just him talking. Like many, if not most, when I started and first met him, I entered into the conversation thinking it would be a normal one. Instead in was a tedious, tortured monologue. However, he took this to mean that the new person was someone who would listen to him, so I was a favorite target for a long time. The last time he came to my office to talk to me, blocking the doorway, I eased my way past him as he was talking, spoke to him from outside my office and just said, "I need to go." Everyone at work agrees that he means well and is pretty clearly on the autism spectrum. However, it is difficult to explain how stressful I find it to be caught in the conversational web of someone who obviously can't tell you aren't interested, don't have the time, and are becoming very uncomfortable. (Source)

Miss Stompy Pants

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Miss Stompy Pants

She stomps around. Seriously woman, you're not overweight or of large stature, why do you sound like a f_cking rhino stampeding through the office!? (Source)

Miss Oblivious

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Miss Oblivious

She is completely oblivious to everything else going on. She will stroll into someone's cube to talk about the most random thing and not realize that we're on the phone or have headphones on or working with a sense of urgency. My boss had an urgent task for me one day, something that needed to be completed in the next 15 minutes. I jumped right on it and he was walking back and forth between my desk and his to give me the right information. I'm dialing the phone when she walks into my cube. "Do you know about this order?" and hands me a post it with random numbers that looks like our order numbers. "No, but I'll take a look at it. Just give me a few minutes, I'm trying to do something real quick for boss." I continue dialing the number and she just starts talking about something written on my white board. "Oh, soandso was also working on that. Did you know that. It's about some parts that..." and my boss slides around her to hand me some papers and then leaves to go get something else. We are working quickly, but she is completely oblivious. The phone is now ringing and she is still asking me questions and my boss is waiting on the edge of my cube. I finally say, "Hey, I've got to make this call. Thanks." and she just continues her sentence as she turns and walks down the hall to her desk, still talking to herself. (Source)

Can't Stop, Won't Stop

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Can't Stop, Won't Stop

He won't. Stop. Talking. I think he is genuinely afraid of silence, like something happened in his childhood and now he can't stand more than two minutes without talking. I don't even reply anymore, I just sit there silent while he describes the object closest to me.
"Oh look a notepad. That would be good if you needed to remember something you could write it down. Sometimes you don't need to write anything down, you can just remember it. But then again its safer to write it down that way you don't forget."
Every f_cking shift with this guy. Staplers, pen's, person wearing a hat, 2009 9gag meme he found on Facebook, anything. He won't be quiet. Teddy used to be my favorite Bob's Burgers character now he just hits to close to home. Team Andy and Ollie. (Source)

Miss Old School

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Miss Old School

She doesn't want to improve anything. She will vehemently fight any new initiatives and everything that in any way requires her to do something differently. Obviously she fought a hard and completely idiotic fight against digitalization, trying to convince others that we should still print the sometimes 1000 page cases we have. Worst part about this is the fact that digitalization is government mandated and completely mandatory for everyone. But older folks with no understanding will do that. What really gets me is when she refuses to learn something where it will already earn it self the first time she uses it. She will print out a whole case(min 300 pages) and do redacting by hand and then scan in everything. That can take hours sometimes several work days and a rainforest in paper. Now take adobes redacting program. You can do the same in maybe 30 min-1 hour. Learning to do it takes 3-5 min if you teach it to someone with a learning disability. Worst part is, it is deemed unsafe for personal information as redacting by hand sometimes leaves information on the paper. She still refuses... Also she will give hand written notes to our student helpers for them to send it out. It is not directions which the student can then use to write their own letter. She spends longer handwriting the stuff than it would take her to write on her computer and send her self... (Source)

I Know Where You Can Find Room In The Budget...

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I Know Where You Can Find Room In The Budget...

He's so incompetent, the boss ends up spreading his work to everyone else. That's how I went from Head of Product to Head of Product & Marketing. I haven't gotten a raise yet, but my boss is supposed to find the budget for it in Dec. I'm really tempted to tell him to find the budget by firing that guy. (Source)

Thermo-idiot

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Thermo-idiot

She has the thermostat in her office. She opens her window because it gets too hot. The cool air makes the thermostat think it needs to produce more heat, and roasts the rest of the office. I've talked to her about it multiple times and she does not understand the concept for some reason. (Source)

The Coup de Grace Of Annoying

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The Coup de Grace Of Annoying

There's a guy I work with who, while very nice and polite, has more annoying habits rolled in to one person than anyone I've ever seen. Taken individually they aren't too bad, and I realize describing them that they seem petty, but they add up over the days and years I've worked with him. He prides himself on efficiency but spends a day and a half writing out step-by-step instructions that amount to "run a search". Literally, 52 individual steps. He frequently wastes more time trying to come up with more efficient methods than actually working. His methods are rarely more efficient, or not more efficient enough to justify the time spent coming up with them. For some reason he insists on saying "right mouse" instead of "right click" when talking about where to click.
He's a nexus of ambient noise. In a quiet office you'll here him at various times tapping his ring on his coffee cup, drumming his fingers, huffing loudly, talking to himself and slapping himself. Yes, slapping himself (lightly mind you). While the rest of us drink coffee or soda to stay awake, he apparently is immune to caffeine. Instead, he eats microwaved popcorn and drinks hot water. We have to explain to new people that when he says "Ugh, it's gonna be a popcorn day", it means he's tired and popcorn is a stimulant. He uses the phrase "Better living through chemistry!" every single time anyone takes an aspirin or takes cough medicine.
He never rounds up or down when discussing time. "I've got to leave today at 4:47pm to catch the bus."
There are probably more I could come up with, but those are the bigger ones. (Source)

What A Character

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What A Character

My time to shine. This is all one coworker: He eats with his hands. Like eat rice/bean casserole thing with a bare hand. If he gets interrupted during eating he'll put a plastic produce bag over his hand. He has his own white noise generator. Only problem is that he has poor hearing so for the rest of us it's not so much white noise as a jet engine. He's used an entire bottle of incense to clear his sinuses. Enough that it actually caused me to experience respiratory issues (I don't have respiratory issues). He's always cold. Like middle of summer, 90 degrees, and wearing a down jacket...and a headband with a hot water bladder tucked in it. His clothes don't fit. Like he has to hold his pants up when he walks. He wears the same clothes everyday...and to the gym. He reeks and I mean reeks. Like nauseatingly bad. Did you know smell is not considered a hostile work environment? He's been known to take his pants off in our break area...5 feet from the private bathroom. He's been caught cutting his toenails in the bathroom sink. He's caught drinking straight from the faucet like a dog...there's two drinking fountains 3 feet away. (Source)

Mr. Fitness

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Mr. Fitness

He bikes 6 miles to work in the 100 degree Texas heat. Our office doesn't have a shower... so he comes in drenched in sweat as we're starting our stand ups and demos, smelling of foul sweat and BO. He's been known to sweat directly on people since he air drys and it takes him a while to dry off... His BO is atrocious. (Source)

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