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Her Heart Will Go On
1. Her Heart Will Go On

This is more of a funny story than crazy. I was working as a security guard a Louis Vuitton in the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace. One day this nice old lady comes up and she's eating a cheeseburger, so I kindly tell her that there's no food allowed in the store. She smiled at me and said "No worries." She proceeded to finish her cheeseburger in front of the store and chatting with these two huge dude in leather jackets she was hanging out with. The Louis Vuitton manager at that point runs over to me and whispers to me. "WHY DID YOU NOT LET HER IN???" I told her I'm just following store policy, and the lady didn't get mad or anything so I wasn't sure what the big deal was. "That's Celine Dion!" I looked at her. She had no makeup and was dressed like one of us commoners but sure enough it was Celine Dion, the two big dudes were her body guards. She's a headliner at the Caesars and was on a shopping break. She proceeded to enter the store, randomly grab just about everything that tickled her fancy and spent $200,000 in matter of 15 minutes. Source

Nothing To See Here
2. Nothing To See Here

I worked at a club in Vegas where some guy, high out of his mind, climbed up the fire escape on the side of the building, over the barriers, and then onto the roof that covers the valet area, you know, where taxi cabs and limos pull up to drop people off. When the bouncers and valet guys shouted at him to come down, he decided that instead of going back the stupid way he came, he would just... Climb down the fluorescent lightbulbs on the side. Which shattered under his weight, sending him down into the street, cracking open his skull on the pavement. He did NOT die, thank goodness, but his wife screamed about suing the club, we're gonna be in big trouble for this, because her husband is NYPD. Amazing. Source

Let A Little Air In....Oops
3. Let A Little Air In....Oops

I worked at a casino that opened a few years ago and I remember during orientation they were talking about : "We're different than other casinos, our windows open." By the time I left a year ago, security confirmed 4 suicides from room balconies. Open patios/windows aren't a good idea for people with a gambling addiction. Source

Use A Little Street Smarts!
4. Use A Little Street Smarts!

One story involved a prostitute going up to the room of a guest she propositioned in the casino. She apparently convinced this brainiac to take a shower before doing anything and proceeds to steal his wallet and watch and run out the door. He hears the door and chases after. Butt nekkid! We now have a 5'4" asian man naked chasing a hooker down our hallways. They both manage to get to an elevator at the same time, full of other guests, and the guy starts beating the girl right there in front of the horrified guests until the elevator hits ground level and security can intervene. Source

And Now We Dance
5. And Now We Dance

Woman calls down requesting security to help her remove unwanted guests. Apparently she had been very drunk the night before, and brought two men to her room. They both spoke German and did not understand why she wanted them to leave. When the hotel manager asked if she wanted to press charges she told him everything was consensual, but that she had woken up with a d--- in her butt and didn't want it there anymore. Source

When A Man Needs To Go, A Man Needs To Go
6. When A Man Needs To Go, A Man Needs To Go

I worked at a smaller casino that was more or less off of Fremont that was in a low income area so we would have a lot of shady guests like pimps,hookers and homeless people. The guests mainly were just people that would come in and stick a 5 dollar bill into the slot machines while playing a penny at a time and would end up drinking 20 bucks worth of free alcohol on that slot but to get back to the topic the craziest thing I saw while working here was a guy proceed to get s--- faced drunk and start demanding more drinks while screaming at the top of his lungs at this poor cocktail waitress. Eventually security showed up and he proceeded to pull out his d--- and pee all over a blackjack table destroying numerous chips and the table. Security ended up tackling him into the middle of the pit while he was peeing and he knocked over multiple tables while his piss stream as still going so there was literally piss everywhere at this point, needless to say he was banned for life and spent some time in jail over this. Source

Gambling Is A Hell Of A Drug
7. Gambling Is A Hell Of A Drug

This very old woman was playing slots. She was in a wheelchair, and had an oxygen tank. She was clearly not there by herself, her family was nearby.
Well, she hits it BIG, and I mean BIG. Bells are ringing, lights flashing, the entire room knows something big just happened.
Casino staff and personnel come swarm her, already getting out the paperwork for her to sign. The bells and lights are still going nuts. A crowd is gathering. She's clearly not able to handle all this, so her family steps in, and they start talking with the casino staff. The crowd just gets bigger, people start taking photos, and the bells and lights are still going nuts.
Quietly ... off to the side, the old woman wheels her chair outside the crush of people, and starts putting money into another slot machine. She doesn't care if she won big, she just wants to keep pumping money into the machine. She's not oblivious to what's going on, but she clearly doesn't care. Source

Not Exactly The Sport Of Kings
8. Not Exactly The Sport Of Kings

My first day working at a hotel, I was walking my some housekeeping workers pushing a large cart filled with bed sheets. There was a thud. I looked at the floor next to the cart and I saw a big pink dildo. It had slipped out of the pile of used bedsheets the housekeeping staff was taking to the laundry truck. It was silent for a moment while the housekeepers and I looked at it. The two male housekeepers then proceeded to kick the dildo back and forth like a soccer ball, laughing their heads off. Source

It May Be The Wild West, But Even Vegas Has It's Limits
9. It May Be The Wild West, But Even Vegas Has It's Limits

A guest came up to me while I was working and complained that people were doing lines of cocaine in the lobby. I go to the lobby and sure enough, there is a group of people from South America doing lines off the table in the lobby. Not only that, but it's only noon. I tell them that they can't snort cocaine here and they seem annoyed. "What do you mean? This is Vegas! Everything is legal here!" I reply that, no, cocaine is not legal in Las Vegas and they seem genuinely surprised. They continue, "Come on, this is Las Vegas! Here, do a line with us!" I reiterate that drugs are still illegal in Vegas and that they have a private hotel room that they can do cocaine in if they really want to. I still find it incredibly funny that my job entails telling guests to please not do lines of cocaine at noon in broad daylight in front of other guests. Source

Gross. Just. Gross
10. Gross. Just. Gross

One night we got called to the underground car park with reports of there being a naked man seen. Myself and another guard go down to see what's up, everything seems normal. Eventually down the far end of the car park we find a towel on the ground that is basically covered in s--- and what looks like pieces of food. Turns out the naked man is hiding in some bushes nearby. I forget what happened exactly, I think a couple walked past and were startled by some noise or maybe smell. So myself and the other guard have found the naked man that was reported. We ask him WTF is he doing and it turns out he is here on a business trip with some company. We threatened to get hotel reception to wake up his boss and bring him to us if the naked guy didn't explain exactly what he was doing. This worked. Turns out, the bloke has a sex fetish that involves wearing the hotel room towel as a diaper underneath evening wear, s---ting in said diaper during company dinner, shoving small pieces of food down there as well (broccoli, carrot.. it was mainly mixed vegetables) and then proceeding to find somewhere to be alone with his towel diaper creation. Source

It's Always A Good Time For A Nap.
11. It's Always A Good Time For A Nap.

Two young guys from somewhere in Central America come in at 4am. They are expensively dressed with Rolex watches, and obviously years of English classes but no experience actually speaking it. I'm guessing they are privileged rich boys in their country; they have that attitude where they are used to having servants, have never given a thought to how they treat other people, and never once have needed to pick up after themselves.
Anytime they need something they pound on the bar and yell "hey hey hey hey" until I respond. It doesn't matter if I'm in a conversation with someone or making a drink. They do this every few minutes. He insists on paying as soon as he orders. They order the two most expensive steaks on the menu. The less drunk one gets a beer. The check is around $100, he looks at the tip portion on the credit card slip for a few seconds then crosses it out as soon as he realizes what it means.
The more drunk guy falls asleep immediately after ordering. After I put in the order and help one other person the guy starts pounding for me to come over. I ask him what I can do for him and he just stares at me. I ask him again, and he says "Uhh, where's food!?!" He ordered two well-done 16-ounce steaks and he's mad it has been three minutes. He stares at me anytime I'm in sight; if I make eye contact with him, he holds his arms out wondering where his food is.
The other guy wakes up, they take turns going to the bathroom, probably three times each. Come back sniffling and rubbing their noses. The steaks come out and these guys are hunched over their plates, shoveling food in as fast as it will go. One guy gets a piece of fat from the rib eye he's eating and just hocks it out onto his plate. No discretion, doesn't try to be quiet, just spits it out. A few minutes later his brother does the same thing, but he loudly spits his food onto my bar, almost going over and into my ice. He sees me staring at him and quickly puts his head down and continues eating. I guess deep down he knows what good behavior is, he has just grown up in a situation where he does whatever he wants.
They are slowing down. Their heads get closer and closer to the plate. They each still have their fork in hand. Drunk guy passes out first, puts his hand into the food and rests his head on it. His brother is asleep with his head hanging but in an upright position. I should probably wake them and tell them that's not allowed, but I want nothing to do with them.
I come back a few minutes later. More sober guy is asleep, hunched over his plate with his fork in his hand. More drunk guy has moved his hand and is fully asleep with his face in his food. I leave.
I walk around the bar again and there is another patron taking her picture with the guys. Cute blond girl has her arms around them doing devil horns. The hostess is begging me to let her call security, she gets abused so much she loves to be able to give a little back.
Security comes and shakes them both awake. As drunk guy sits up, a piece of potato and a chunk of steak sticks to his face then falls in his lap. His hand is covered in ketchup, which he then wipes all over his white shirt. Security sends them on their way. Source

Above is the actual photo of these two superstars.

Why Do Many People Think They Can Just
12. Why Do Many People Think They Can Just "Go" Where Ever They Want?

I worked at a party pool last summer and after a day of high heat and much too much alcohol, my guest decided to pot a squat and s--- in the back of the cabana he had rented. That was a fun day.
Lots of the crazy stuff I've seen involves violence mostly. Crazy fights that end in a bloody mess, or men who go crazy in a fit of rage when they loose more than their life savings on a night of betting. It's a crazy city to grow up in...Source

Locals Know Where The Loosest Slots Are
13. Locals Know Where The Loosest Slots Are

For those who don't know, there are slot machines EVERYWHERE here. Bars, grocery stores, gas stations... everywhere. Most of these places don't own their own machines or maintain their own gaming licenses - they lease all that stuff and people like me would come around to maintain the machines and occasionally remove and count the money. Removing and counting money, mostly from 7-11s in the wee hours of the morning, was my job for 3 years. I've seen things...
I've seen the same drunks and crazies you get on the strip, sure, but you don't really know the depths of addiction until you've seen the sorts of people who are gambling in a North Vegas 7-11 at 4am. Heartbreaking shit.
I once heard (against my will) the life story of a woman who lost her home, her job and her husband's job to gambling. I guess they were a reasonably successful couple until she started feeding their 401k into machines. I've heard this story before, they're a dime a dozen, but the part that made it stick was the ending.
"My husband doesn't even trust me leaving the house any more" she said, feeding another $20 into her machine. "Makes me take him everywhere so it's harder for me to go to a casino." She motioned towards a small nook containing an ATM - and a small shabbily-dressed child, maybe 6, sitting on a milk crate eating cheetos.
"Trick's on him," she said, "these things are everywhere." She gave me a sly look like she had shared a clever life hack - like her ability to perpetuate her addiction was equivalent to a clever new use for empty paper towel rolls or something. I could barely hold back the vomit.
In theory, we're supposed to report things like that. In practice, those are "good customers" in most eyes and nothing ever changes. Thank god I got out of that industry. Source

Better Call Saul
14. Better Call Saul

Ok I used to work for the legal department of a large Strip casino. Until I started working there, I had no idea that a huge number of people visit Las Vegas for one reason only -- to sue us. It is STAGGERING the things they try to pull. One woman shows up in town with her 5 year old son, and breast feeds him publicly in the front desk area. Because of the age of the child, people are freaking out, so she is asked to nurse privately. She then tells our casino she will sue us.
Now, all the lawyers on the Strip are friends (even with lawyers in the "competing" casinos, because they are trying to keep this place together). After this incident, we notify all the other attorneys on the Strip, because people like this have a habit of hopping from casino to casino with the same con. Sure enough, about 30 minutes after we send out the warning, we hear she is hitting another casino with the same crap, pulls out her boobs and threatens to sue. She leaves that one and tries to enter a third, but security wouldn't even let her in, as a description of her and her con was already out. Source

Again With The Sleeping and The Bathrooming In Inappropriate Places!
15. Again With The Sleeping and The Bathrooming In Inappropriate Places!

A lot of fights and some people getting stabbed. We have local prostitutes that think the cocktail waitresses are their friends. There was a crazy lady late night in the pit that attacked one of the pit bosses. She was later found asleep under a chair. One old lady kept coming in and peeing on the bar stools. She was banned but it didn't stop her. Source

Don't Party With This Guy
16. Don't Party With This Guy

People are crazy. We have a bit of a chillax/lounging room on the second floor. TVs, bean bags, gaming consoles and stuff like that. More aimed towards the teenagers. We also have a large pool table right in the centre of it. One late night, we had to forcibly remove a guy for his behaviour. Blind drunk, naked and laying on top of the pool table, throwing the pool balls (dunno what they're called, sorry) and trying to shove his dick in the holes. Good fun. Source

Rick James?
17. Rick James?

One time at the Palms Vegas, I was at craps table about 3am. There was this crazy looking white dude throwing his hands up like praising jesus or something every time somebody rolled! . At the same time he would throw his hands up, he would kind of rub his nose. After a while of studying this mans insane antics i realized every time he raises his hands he was doin' a bump of coke (could of been other substance) the reason i confirmed was because i was standing next to him and he had a open baggy on the little rail where you can place your beers under you. Source

Sometimes, You Just Have To Take Care Of Things Yourself.
18. Sometimes, You Just Have To Take Care Of Things Yourself.

I had just started working for one of the better casino/hotels on the north strip and naturally as a steady extra i was put on grave yard, which wasnt so bad it was nice to relax and honestly do nothing and get paid for it. Well on one night about a month after starting i was moved to a VIP entrance and the owner of the casino actually lived in the hotel and used this entrance frequently. i started seeing him more and more and one night he was just getting back from an outing and saw some beautiful ladies about to leave. He decided to escort them into the casino and whatever you can imagine, about 50 steps into the lobby he realizes "oh s--- these are hookers" and this is when s--- really went crazy. he immediately gets one in a headlock while the other is beating him over the head with her purse and he's looking helplessly at the staff to come help while also screaming SECURITY!!!! We all knew we would be fired for not helping but also have a battery case against for helping. lose lose situation. About 5 minutes go buy of this 2 on 1 fight of hilarity until the owner straight up Knocks out one of the girls just as security is rolling up. HHUUUUUUUGE lawsuit happened.

Another was a drunk pregnant lady came in crying and s--- all over the floor.

The absolute best and most envious was when a vvvvvvip came in and he was great friends with one of the bellman and we noticed this bellman was gone for quite some time but when he returned he had this cheeky smile he couldnt wipe away, so i asked "what the f---" he pulled me aside and showed me that he was just given a $10,000 tip to "help pay the house off and take care of the family". this same fucking guest got a DUI on the strip going 5mph. Source

Yep, It Doesn't Always Stay In Vegas
19. Yep, It Doesn't Always Stay In Vegas

I'm a student here and working the casinos at night to pay for college. The weirdest s--- would be the sex. People get really freaky here. The list that I've seen has been In the pool. In the bathroom. Hands under tables. In the elevator. Corners/shrubs. In the valet parking lot.
The best though I only heard about it was a couple did it right outside the door to they're room. Apparently couldn't make it all the way in the drunk stupor. Source

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