"Caught my 14 month old eating a glass christmas bulb. I went over and slapped it out of her hand. Then I fish-hooked around in her mouth. I could feel the glass, but it was too fine to remove. I yelled for my husband to hold down our daughter while I waterboarded her at the kitchen sink. He shot me a curious look, but he isn't really one to pass up a good time. Thankfully, it worked" (Source).
"1995, my wife is 7 months pregnant with our first, punches me awake at 3am crying because, well, hormones. She's hysterical because we can't be trusted with a baby, we'll hurt it. When I tell her we'll be fine she says 'You're a f--king klutz, you'll drop the baby down the stairs'. 2003, carrying our eight month old third child down the stairs, one of the other kids had left one of those fat crayons on like the second step down. Step on crayon, foot goes shooting straight forward, I land hard on my a--. Baby gets dropped and lands two steps down from me. I had landed oddly, with my left leg sort of tucked backwards (ended up with a sprained knee from it). I try to free my leg so that I can reach forward and grab my daughter. Leg pops forward... And I managed to kick my daughter down another five steps. For the record, she was scared as hell but completely unharmed. She stopped crying within 10 minutes and went on as if nothing had happened" (Source).
"I was driving to work one winter morning in South Dakota. It was very cold out. My mind was elsewhere, and when I was turning into the parking lot, I heard my four-month old daughter cough in the backseat. I had forgotten she was in the car, and had forgotten to drop her off at daycare. I was this close to parking the car and going into the office and leaving her there, in a South Dakota winter. She wouldn't have made it to lunch. Still gives me the creeps, 12 years later" (Source).
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