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Something's Burning

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Something's Burning

A few years ago I was a kitchen manager at a place in Charlotte, NC. I don't know if it is common knowledge or not, but drug use in kitchens is very common, and most of the time accepted. That being said, I had a line cook who had come in tweaked out on cocaine. He came to me explained the situation, apologized, asked if he could run somewhere and come in a little later in "better shape." It was slow, and most of the prep was done so I said he could have an extra hour. He comes back 45 minutes later and is calmed down, stopped shaking and had a grin on his face. He was one of my better line cooks, so I was glad to see that I didn't have to reprimand him. We begin the dinner service and every thing is running smoothly when I look across the line and he begins to look as if he's falling asleep while working the grill. He assured me that he was fine. Fifteen minutes goes by and I see him collapse, landing with his face and arm on the grill, HE DIDN'T EVEN WAKE UP. I run across the kitchen and push him off, skin literally melted to the grill. As he hits the ground, he wakes up and simply says "aw shit, chef may I go to the hospital?" The smell was horrific. At seven pm on a Friday night we closed the restaurant, opened all the doors and windows and cleaned up the mess. (We bought new plates for the grill, don't worry). As I'm doing my order for the next day around ten pm, he comes back in, bandaged up and says "chef, can I help with anything?" Astonished, I couldn't reply. And he continued to explain that he went to his dealers house and got a"shit ton of oxycontin" snorted it so he could calm down and he just nodded out. "But its okay they gave me morphine so I can still work, and I'm a dumbass so don't worry about workers comp, I just want to still have a job." Two weeks later he returned to work, sober and hasn't touched a drug or had a drink since. I arranged so that his hospital bills were paid, but he had no paid time off. One of the best employees and craziest mother f_ckers I will ever meet. (Source)

Messy Mine Field

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Messy Mine Field

Many years ago I was a lowly production manager of a small team at a graphics shop. One of the dudes on my night shift got pissed at the shop owner, and started taking tidy little sh_ts on the ceiling tiles, and then placing the tiles back up into the ceiling grid. An odor of poo started permeating the place, and nobody knew where it was coming from. Took weeks, and then we finally discovered his high altitude sh_t mine field. Owner grimly admitted "I don't pay you enough to take care of this (shit)" and broke out the ladder, face mask, rubber gloves and bucket. (Source)

No Spray Painting of Cats

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No Spray Painting of Cats

We own a salvage yard (junk yard) and we usually have a few cats around. Every now and then one of these cats will claim us and live in the office. We feed it, take it to the vets and it becomes our junk yard pet cat. One particular cat was awesome and all the guys loved this cat, even the burly guys. They would all share their lunches with the cat. This one guy that used to work for us was a real asshole. One day he decided that he didn't like the cat anymore. He took a can of spray paint and painted the poor kitty. All over, head to tail. When the cat came into the office, my husband, who is the boss, went ballistic. The first thing my husband did was wash the cat off as best as he could. Then he went into the shop and raised holy hell. Screaming at everyone until a new guy finally told him that he saw Jim spray paint the cat. My husband was raging and wanted to really f_ck this guy up bad but instead, called the cops and filed animal cruelty charges and fired him on the spot. This guy had the balls to file for unemployment for unlawful termination. He was denied several times but kept opposing the judgement. We fought his argument all the way to the highest level of State review, where he was granted full unemployment benefits. The reason was, even though he broke the law while at work, it doesn't (didn't) state in our handbook "no spray painting of cats" or "no unlawful activities at the work place". We thought that would have been a given. The guy finally got his though, kinda. He's serving a year in jail for fleeing from the police while drunk. The cat lived for several more years. One guy would always come in on Sunday to feed her and he found her dead. She had died in her sleep, in the box filled with blankets that they kept for her. (Source)

Tom's Cubby

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Tom's Cubby

I was a supervisor for a "high end" retail store that was preparing for Grand Opening. We had hired one guy (we'll call him "Tom") that was in his early to mid twenties. Over the course of a couple weeks I noticed that I barely ever saw "Tom" during his shifts after I sent him off to do something. One day I sent him onto the sales floor with a cart of merchandise to stock and realized that it had been over twenty minutes and all of the other employees had already been back 2-3 times. I was the only manager on so I knew he didn't get sent to another task so I asked if anyone had seen him. One girl turned to me and said "He's probably in his cubby." And then proceeded to show me where it was. Apparently "Tom" had created a cubby for himself about 3-4 ft wide behind some old shelving units. He had stolen a heated blanket, pillow and various food items off of the sales floor and that's where he had been hanging out for the majority of his shifts for over a month. Checking in with various managers at 30-45 minute intervals so as to be seen by someone. This was his 3rd or 4th offense so we fired him. He proceeded to rip his shirt in half and start crying while screaming "WHY!?" over and over again at the top of his lungs. We then escorted him out of the building, were he continued screaming and crying while beating his chest and hawking loogies on our windows. This kid was a complete tool. Harassed all of the girls relentlessly (even me--his supervisor), tried to sell drugs on the premises and stole non stop. I don't know why he seriously didn't understand why he was being fired. (Source)

Crazy Yuri

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Crazy Yuri

I worked for a big company years ago as the shipping manager. One of the guys I hired was an ex-Russian army guy. He was pretty good, hard worker and all that. Still a little off, if you know what I mean. So one day he doesn't show up and no phone call. The next day he calls me and he sounds like he's high. He's in the hospital. After work I go by the hospital (we were kinda friends) and his whole right side is f_cking black as night. Not a stitch of white. Serious bruising. Broken leg and arm. I asked him what the hell happened and he told me that, him and his friends were "having party" in his 5th floor apartment. He was having an argument with one of his friends (as seemed to be a regular Russian thing for them to do). His friend was saying that he never follows through or something like that. So my friend stated that he always follows through. My friend says "If I told you I would jump out that window, I would". His friend says,. "Hahaha, you wouldn't dare". So crazy f_cking Yuri runs and leaps out the window, down on to the parking lot below. He spent over a month in the Hospital to prove a point. F_cking ridiculous. He quit and I didn't see or hear from him until a year later he called me on the phone all drunk telling me I was Jesus. The end. (Source)

The Graveyard Shift

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The Graveyard Shift

I used to be a manager of a gas station and my graveyard gas pumper, who was in his late 40s/early 50s decided that he gave no f_cks anymore one night. He decided to have a local crack whore hang out with him during his whole shift, treated them both to free 40s of bum beer/snacks from the store for free, and used cash from the till to buy meth which they both snorted on video. Needless to say he lost his job and I got a good laugh watching the security footage. (Source)

No Excuses

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No Excuses

I work at an east coast gas station that sells "made to order" food. Most people who call out of work will give some type of legitimate excuse as to why they can't come in, they are sick, etc. One Friday night a 3rd shifters called to say he wasn't coming in that night. His reason? "I have a life" and hung up. (Source)

One Too Many Biscuits

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One Too Many Biscuits

I manage a pet store and, after much investigation and surveillance, had to fire an employee for eating dog treats. (Source)

Missing Among the Milk Crates

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Missing Among the Milk Crates

I worked with a guy who brought 2 gallons of what I thought was sweet tea every day to work. We stocked the milk section together and he would always disappear but I didn't care. Turns out he would drink 2 gallons of long island sweet tea and surround himself with milk crates and sleep. (Source)

Delicate Flower

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Delicate Flower

I worked for a plant company over the summer that supplied to a large hardware store. I did perennials, and another company handled the annuals. There was a girl who did the annuals that I actually liked talking to a lot. She was nice, and we shared in our hatred of hot weather and assholes. She was an extremely hard worker, but her supervisor was a douchebag. I hated having to talk to him because he just came off as a giant ass, holier-than-thou person all the time. During the summer the girl announces she's pregnant and us perennial girls are like "Ah, good for you, congratulations." Apparently this didn't sit so well with her supervisor, as he had a bit of a thing for her. He was being douchier than usual to her and he berated her in front of customers. The hardware store managers had to intervene to get the guy to leave, and the poor girl was in tears. That clears up and suddenly they're buddy buddy again. He has a wedding to go to and he wanted to take the girl as his date. She goes with him. At this point my employment with the company was up (Seasonal) so I parted ways with everyone. About three days later, my boyfriend's mom (who is a supervisor of the plant company) calls me and tells me the girl was murdered by her supervisor in the hotel room they were staying at for the wedding. She was six months pregnant. He strangled her, and to top it all off, had sex with her dead body. I can't even drive by that store without getting chills. I always knew there was something off about him, but holy sh_t. It hit me hard--I had only just talked to her. (Source)

Wet, Hot American Summer

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Wet, Hot American Summer

I had a coworker once who was just ridiculous. First, he was a newly arrived immigrant from Senegal, so some of this is probably cultural differences. He didn't shower. Seriously; this was at a summer camp, so we were there 24 hours a day. He didn't shower. In lieu of showering, he just used Axe body spray. Lots of it. Yes, this was when we were in high school. Similarly, he did not brush his teeth. Instead, he used mouthwash probably 4 or 5 times a day. He had a little bottle of it that he carried in his pocket. Ridiculous lies. He claimed that in Africa, he was circumcised with a knife and then sent out into the jungle for a month to survive on his own. He claimed that he had a Hummer but didn't like to drive it because he didn't want someone to steal it. He claimed to have had sex with most of our female coworkers but that he made them swear to not talk about it. Etc, etc. He regularly wore a bathrobe instead of a shirt. He would hit on anything that moved, and could definitely not read the rejection signs. The worst was when the mother of one of our campers complained that he got her number from the 7 year old camper and had called her over the weekend. I'm sure there's more that I have blocked out of my memory; I'll add to this later. (Source)

Call 911!
Call 911!

I worked for a private ambulance company for a while. One of my coworkers had a patient die in the ambulance with her. Then she told the person driving to pull over. She took out a cell phone and called 911. From the back of a f_cking ambulance. (Source)

Major League Traveler

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Major League Traveler

Quite a few years ago, my boss left our office in Washington DC and went to Florida on a company-paid business trip -- a publishers' meeting was taking place near Tampa. It happened to be spring time, which is when baseball's spring training takes place. The second morning after my boss was away, the Washington Post publishes a photo on the front of the sports section showing a line of fans waiting to get autographs from Cal Ripken. Who's first in line? My boss. Later that day, I was in the the office of my boss's boss with two other guys when my boss calls in. The head dude puts him on the speakerphone. The conference is going well, he says. He's meeting lots of good business contacts that should promote sales, he says. The meetings are running long and a little boring, but he's keeping up with them, he says. He gets back two days later and gets his company travel privileges suspended for two years. (Source)

Revenge Is a Dish Best Served on Craigslist

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Revenge Is a Dish Best Served on Craigslist

I was a manager of a couple departments for a local grocery chain a few years ago. I had a girl on one of my teams who was terminated for basically breaking every rule in the book - she sucked. Even though I wasn't the one who fired her, or made the decision (I didn't have that power), she decided to take revenge on me. A week after her termination I started getting calls on my cellphone from strange men wanting to have sex. Turns out she made a fake listing on Craigslist, soliciting me for sex (I'm a woman). After much digging and convincing one of the strange dudes to assist me with getting evidence, I was able to make a police report. It's a two-year felony to impersonate someone online/solicit them without permission (in Michigan, at that time). The fun part is when the police wouldn't press charges because it was a one-time thing. Yep. This girl endangered me by OFFERING ME FOR SEX ON CRAIGSLIST WITH MY PERSONAL CELLPHONE NUMBER but it was a one-time thing. I'm still pissed. (Source)

Me So Hungry

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Me So Hungry

There was this Asian lady at my first job out of college who would sneak away into the lunch room, which was in the basement of the building and steal lunches. She'd go through all of them taking bites or eating it all. If she took a bite of something she didn't like, she'd throw it in the garbage. Staff would come downstairs to find their lunches devoured or in the trash with one bite taken out of it. This all came to a head one day when some guy was up in arms after his meatloaf sandwich fell victim to the Asian lunch thief. He ended up catching her, she was fired, and keyed everyone's cars. (Source)

The Saucy Sexter

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The Saucy Sexter

I manage a family business - third generation, and we all have phones with AT&T. We started getting iPhones on our account, and AT&T revamped their bills to include a line for the date and time of every single text message. Well, since we had a business account they applied this new listing to all phones, not just the iPhones. We get our first bill in, and it's a freaking book. I'm separating the piles to review and make sure it's all good, looking mostly for slamming charges, and notice the thickest pile is not myself, or the family members of the company that I would expect to be the winner - heck one of them is a teenage girl that has an iPhone. The biggest pile is for a delivery driver. Curious, I thumb through it, and this guy is texting day in and day out, even during business hours when he's on the road driving! I think there is no way this can be right, and get online to get live account access and verify that this driver has an obscene amount of text messages. Month 1 - 2,900 text messages. Month 2 (current month I was investigating) - 3,600 text messages. Let me point out - this is a FLIP PHONE. And these are OUTGOING messages, not incoming. Turns out he got a girlfriend, and loved to sext her, a lot, at all times. Fired on the spot. He also didn't delete or warn her, and we got saucy text for half an hour as he had no way to tell her to stop. (Source)

Big Things Come in Small Packages

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Big Things Come in Small Packages

Worked at a new Fry's that opened in my old town a number of years back. It was pretty bad initially and they REALLY overworked employees. The turnover was huge and later a suit was filed against this specific Fry's. In any case, when I started there was a blonde woman who I forget her name now, let's call her Beth. Beth was overly enthusiastic to the point of being incredibly annoying to any and every employee/customer. Beth was apparently also a pathological liar and frequently left her shifts early to do god knows what...
When she was fired, she came back with a nice, purple present. All wrapped up with a white bow and everything. It was meant to be an apology to the manager, but she quickly dropped it off and took off saying she was busy. It smelled like it had been doused in a gallon of perfume, but she seemed half crazed so whatever. The manager for her department at the time took it and opened it near the registers. Inside was a lump of shit. She shit in a box and gave it to her manager. As a gift of course... (Source)

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